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November 2012

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Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2012 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 5:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was planning on enjoying my one day off work from the hospital, at home. I got a call saying I had to come in because my department was short-handed. I went in to find almost everyone there. Turns out it was a prank by my coworkers. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2012 at 12:33pm / Australia / Work

Today, my family came over for Thanksgiving. We were supposed to have had dinner hours ago, but my mom kept sneaking into the kitchen and dialing down the temperature on the oven, claiming I was going to overcook everything. At this rate, we'll be lucky to have eaten by midnight. FML

by mommycooks / 11/22/2012 at 6:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

by Brooklyn / 11/05/2012 at 5:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:55pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

by stuck / 11/07/2012 at 10:00am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

by derve / 11/07/2012 at 6:48pm / United States / Love

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

by Jocelyn / 11/25/2012 at 2:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized "for the common good." FML

by Ugh / 11/04/2012 at 9:08pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

by fatty / 11/21/2012 at 1:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

by Hover Hand / 11/20/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

by PieterseMJ / 11/02/2012 at 8:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work