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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27261) - you deserved it (3464)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

#20127667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31224) - you deserved it (1697)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

#20109154
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26778) - you deserved it (3104)

On 10/09/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by FarmerGirl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

#20129768
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20897) - you deserved it (4062)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm - misc - by afraidofcans - United States (Virginia)

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

#20129237
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31099) - you deserved it (1490)

On 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm - work - by bad samaritan (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

#20127252
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6774) - you deserved it (54874)

On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49866) - you deserved it (2616)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

#20132869
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22812) - you deserved it (2181)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27276) - you deserved it (2519)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

#20119331
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20114) - you deserved it (11303)

On 10/16/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by bargainshopper (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

#20098094
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36736) - you deserved it (2565)

On 10/02/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by Jake (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

#20116490
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18992) - you deserved it (7802)

On 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Estonia

Today, I purchased a brand new television. Not long after the professional who hung it on my wall left, it came crashing down on my hardwood floor. I'm now left with a busted TV, a tear in my living room wall, and a severely drained bank account. FML

#20125611
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23726) - you deserved it (2529)

On 10/20/2012 at 6:48pm - money - by fuck gangnam style in the anus - United States (California)



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