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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

#20134273
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29222) - you deserved it (2838)

On 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by fiftyshardsofbroccoli (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

#20114676
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22112) - you deserved it (3050)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:22am - kids - by Shiverice - United States (Michigan)

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

#20141826
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25707) - you deserved it (1741)

On 10/31/2012 at 5:03pm - work - by SoSoRachel - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a romantic date to a botanical garden in the hills. A giant bushfire erupted in the hills on our way, meaning we're now stuck out here because the roads are closed. So romantic. FML

#20132703
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19178) - you deserved it (2328)

On 10/25/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by not even a sexy bushfire - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I left the hospital after having knee surgery. While trying to find my balance on my crutches, I was holding onto the roof of the car. My mum slammed the car door shut, not noticing my hand. I can barely even bend my fingers to hold onto my crutches. FML

#20105201
78 comments

Today, I was singing one of my favorite songs in my car while at a red light. A guy made it a point to get my attention and said, "If you're really going to sing that bad, you should probably roll your windows up." FML

#20126033
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17752) - you deserved it (11293)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

#20100764
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8819) - you deserved it (32146)

On 10/03/2012 at 11:14pm - misc - by staticman101 - United States (Michigan)

Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML

#20096710
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25574) - you deserved it (2545)

On 10/01/2012 at 12:05pm - love - by IcantDance! - United States (Alabama)

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

#20135226
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22715) - you deserved it (1915)

On 10/27/2012 at 7:53am - misc - by Ohwhy (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML

#20120354
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25031) - you deserved it (1859)

On 10/16/2012 at 10:48pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

#20138030
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25135) - you deserved it (5111)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:23am - animals - by lifelike (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for "not dressing appropriately" for the occasion. I'd purchased my outfit from the same store just two days prior with my last $100. FML

#20113680
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24876) - you deserved it (5189)

On 10/12/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by ClothesHorse (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

#20120904
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22858) - you deserved it (3892)

On 10/17/2012 at 11:53am - animals - by JennyPenny (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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