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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

#20117850
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15667) - you deserved it (2374)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:10am - kids - by Reihna (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

#20119087
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20970) - you deserved it (1509)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

#20100764
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6974) - you deserved it (26762)

On 10/03/2012 at 11:14pm - misc - by staticman101 - United States (Michigan)

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

#20123973
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17007) - you deserved it (4879)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm - love - by marriedtoacunt (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML

#20124484
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3318) - you deserved it (30504) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/19/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by Jugan - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

#20129867
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17648) - you deserved it (3088)

On 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by nicedoggy (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

#20106995
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22948) - you deserved it (4757)

On 10/08/2012 at 3:14am - love - by stoych (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend's new favorite TV show is Law and Order SVU. Now after every episode she insists on asking me if I'm sure I wasn't molested as a kid. She's still on the first season. FML

#20123502
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16411) - you deserved it (1284)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:41am - misc - by soprahb - United States

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

#20119554
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18358) - you deserved it (1012)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML

#20118194
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22610) - you deserved it (1917)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:57pm - money - by Pissed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

#20122062
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21358) - you deserved it (1919)

On 10/18/2012 at 2:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

#20102154
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18354) - you deserved it (5248)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:44pm - work - by highschoolsucks - United States

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

#20132231
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22485) - you deserved it (1285)

On 10/25/2012 at 12:37am - health - by allison_fishing - United States



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