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October 2012

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Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

by sadness / 10/11/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 6:38pm / United States / Money

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

by bill / 10/24/2012 at 7:14am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

by praise the prenup / 10/02/2012 at 8:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML

by Jugan / 10/19/2012 at 5:44pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends, and when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML

by halitosis / 10/01/2012 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Health

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

by kat / 10/31/2012 at 7:30am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2012 at 1:33am / United States / Animals

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

by monkeylover996 / 10/28/2012 at 9:53pm / United States / Health

Today, I fell down the stairs and landed heavily on my foot. Because I wasn't crying, my mom refused to take me to the hospital. It took me an hour of agony to convince her. It turned out to be broken in three different places. FML

by ... / 10/02/2012 at 4:55pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, a haunted house opened up next to my restaurant and they've gotten into the habit of scaring me as I'm cleaning up at night. They stay open for another month. FML

by Wolf145 / 10/11/2012 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I left the hospital after having knee surgery. While trying to find my balance on my crutches, I was holding onto the roof of the car. My mum slammed the car door shut, not noticing my hand. I can barely even bend my fingers to hold onto my crutches. FML

by badluckbrianna / 10/07/2012 at 1:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.