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Thursday 20 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today ouse was broken into. Te cop tat cummed turned out to be a guy I fougt over a grl wit in ig scool. He sneered and said tat everyting appereed to be in order and tat I probably ransacked own ouse. FML

#20408586
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36855) - you deserved it (8634)

On 12/20/2012 at 6:19am - misc - by doblex (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told mehat it was; a moldd dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parentshen they askhat I got. FML

#20408274
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39788) - you deserved it (14280)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

TODAY, I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO MY FIANCÉ THAT HAVING ME WATCH HIM JERK OFF OVER A PORNO IS NOT IN FACT CONSIDERED FOREPLAY . MEGA FML

#20409320
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41220) - you deserved it (11119)

On 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by alicia (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

yesterday at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out an suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

#20409224
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30261) - you deserved it (6217)

On 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today , tha highly intoxicatd singar of mah band dacidd it would ba a wondarful idaa to squat down and taka a shit on staga in tha middla of a gig!! FML

#20408486
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37178) - you deserved it (4281)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today I once again walked in looool on husband eating our cat's food. mega FML

#20409541
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34629) - you deserved it (4096)

On 12/20/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by jsmills92 (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

looool Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure!! My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour!! Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm!! real FML

#20408309
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34774) - you deserved it (2658)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:55am - health - by antiqued - United States (California)

TODAY MY MOTHAR HAS STOOPD TO A NAW LAVAL OF ( HIDING ) CHRISTMAS GIFTS. SHA NOW JUST DUMPS THAM IN THA MIDDLA OF THA FLOOR AND SAYS ( DON'T LOOK AT THAM. ) IF SHA AVAN THINKS I'M GLANCING IN THA DRACTION OF THA PILA SHA WILL BURST INTO A MANIC RAGA AND YALL AT MA 4 ( RUINING THA SURPRISA. ) FML

#20408692
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28091) - you deserved it (7371)

On 12/20/2012 at 8:57am - misc - by Mandy93 (woman) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I Was Sleeping On An Airplane. I Dreamed That I Was Running Mah Hands Up And Down Mah Friend's Leg Sexually To Creep Him Out. I Woke Up And I Realized That I Was Running Mah Hand Up And Down The Leg Of The Old Man Sitting Next To Me.

#20408734
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38309) - you deserved it (23241)

On 12/20/2012 at 9:49am - intimacy - by joyness (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today , I sent a cute , jokey text to girlfriend saying , "Just in case te world ends , I love you." Not only did se dump me because I was an "idiot 4 believing in te doomsday" , wic I don't , se also wrote a Facebook status about it . Now everyone tinks I'm mentally unstable . FML

#20409563
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36597) - you deserved it (6613)

On 12/20/2012 at 7:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, it's mah wedding anniversary; mah husband forgot . My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses an said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate . My daughter is more romantic an thoughtful than mah own husband . FML

#20410075
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37554) - you deserved it (3545)

On 12/20/2012 at 10:31pm - love - by igiveup (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, in the ( end-of-the-world ) spirit, I askd my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, ( It's really windy out. ) FML

#20410172
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18136) - you deserved it (25555)

On 12/20/2012 at 11:05pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today , I caught mah dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him , but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass , I chased after him in mah underwear , earning myself the attention of mah neighbors on each side of mah driveway.

#20408937
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10251) - you deserved it (28426)

On 12/20/2012 at 1:17pm - misc - by ScoozieBooze (woman) - United States (New Mexico)



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