Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML
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Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML
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Top comments
astralvagan 20
Wow what a douche! Hopefully you dumped his ass
MEM0817 18
I thought the same thing... But then when I saw the word "boyfriend" the thought of him peeing the bed passed through my head momentarily too.
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Comments (66)
astralvagan 20
Wow what a douche! Hopefully you dumped his ass
ryanthecheeseguy 18
There always has to be one comment on a relationship FML that says dump his ass.
BellaBear90 27
He was stealing her credit card...
CallMeMcFeelii 13
For this fml, someone using the good ol' "dump his/her ass" comment is completely legitimate in my opinion. **** thieves up their stupid thieving asses.
Xeserx 8
Dumb? That's rather too extreme.
DanielleinDC 33
Yes, and in the case of a boyfriend trying to steal her credit card, dumping is completely appropriate here. I haven't worked my way through all the comments yet, but hopefully nobody has suggested breaking his wrist.
mangobbler 11
One could say that any situation has a lot of subjectivity, but nope: taking stuff without permission = douche. Hope he got a headache for doing that.
eriksen 16
Dude, a headache, aren't you being a bit too rough on him..?
MzZombicidal 36
14, he tried to STEAL her credit card. He tried to spend her money WITHOUT her permission. A headache is the least she could do.
vipirius 18
Am I the only one who thought 14 was being sarcastic?
mFUNdo21 17
I also thought 14 was being sarcastic...
RainbowDashie140 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He best have a very good reason for trying something so stupid.
NeighSoulSister 6
Doesn't matter what the reason is, stealing is not okay.
HowieDoIt 21
2 out of 3 ain't bad!
Nyx_fml 23
Good thing you caught him sneaking it out, and not sneaking it back in after already having his way with it.
chanelvander 7
If he's having his way with a credit card, they've got another issue to deal with!
MEM0817 18
I thought the same thing... But then when I saw the word "boyfriend" the thought of him peeing the bed passed through my head momentarily too.
SmallyBigs 9
"Warm bed" indeed
wobbley 9
Bed side lamps are also useful as weapons. Just a thought...
DocBastard 38
He was just trying to collect his fee from last night. What, you didn't know?
shaww 28
These puns are slowly sliding away...
Schizomaniac 24
Your understanding of what a pun is is slowly improving. Jk no it isn't.
sarahjanek 7
Not the most foolproof plan anyways, there would've been some explaining to do when you discovered someone else has been using your card. Be glad you caught him now, you can do better OP.