Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML
Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
a_wiener_d0g 15
Chip, penny, and used napkin. The gangs all here
Mauskau 35
This is why I stay indoors.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (51)
SexySlayer1248 18
I think I would swing at someone who did that to me
SonyIsGod 13
Lol you deserved it for trying to, "get some action," from women at a bar. Stuff like this is why women think guys are scumbags.
MrRazzle 4
Some girls go 'to get action' too you you know. Not all, but enough.
R3TROxLOV3 32
No 42, stuff like that isn't why women think guys are douche bags. Douche baggery generally only comes into play when the guy (or girl, it goes both ways) is way too aggressive, and doesn't seem to understand the concept of rejection. Going into a club filled with young people looking for a good time with the hope of getting laid doesn't make him a douche bag.
Mauskau 35
This is why I stay indoors.
ber4fun13 10
Exactly, a quiet night at home with a small group of friends is all I need.
a_wiener_d0g 15
Chip, penny, and used napkin. The gangs all here
LowExpectations 30
All I need is my imagination. Not much else to do here in my padded one room apartment. Isn't that right Mr. Sock hand? (Goofy voice) "Uh yup yup Mr. Saxon, you got that right" . Mwahahahaha.
AlexRen 21
Low expectations named matched his comment so accurately.
Koalax3 18
What's that magical place where no one gets hurt? Oh right ! INDOORS .
FMLkoala 28
#11 all I need is some food and a computer
chris_42 11
OP's name just adds to the FML.
olpally 32
Great username! Haha, hope you punched him for doing that.
jtthegr8 26
Never trust friends when they say anything about getting action. Or relevant.
Nilorak 24
That will be a funny story to tell your grandchildren.
hanner12 13
No it won't...
FMLkoala 28
Hey kids one time in 2014 60 years ago I went clubbing to get drunk and have sex but instead I got vomited on by a drunk man
PrincessCastiel 27
After the person vomited on you, that was probably why you didnt get any more action that night. Considering you most likely smelled of vomit and had it all over your clothes. But I'm so sorry OP! You'll have a better time next time... if there is a next time that is
LusciousBaby23 11
what does OP mean ?
kangx1 28
Original poster in this case meaning the person who wrote the FML on a thread you'd call the person who make the thread an OP since they're the first person to post aka the original poster
Got7Dorks 7
Hope you didn't stay there the rest of the night covered in vomit.
False_Stupidity 41
It's a new look, don't you know?
ryanthecheeseguy 18
"Today, I was going clubbing with some of my bros, when, piss drunk, a vomited on a really hot girl. FML".
False_Stupidity 41
That would almost be ok, aside from spelling and the fact that OP is male.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
Dammit! I always think of a clever comment, then I forget one vital detail.
BellaBear90 27
I wouldn't go as far as saying "clever comment".
curlysuejew 6
Spraying vomit? Thats some carny action right there. Sorry OP...hope your future shower will be everything you hope for and more