Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML
Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML
Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML
Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML
Today, by being clumsy when putting my bread slices on a plate, I invented a sensational new type of sandwich: The Nutella-Salmon-Garlic Double-Decker. FML
Today, I learned a valuable life lesson : Never attempt to swallow your pills with a swig of hot tea. FML
Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML
Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML
Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
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Top comments
Readoll 13
Absolutely stupid... YDI
HowieDoIt 21
Much sharper than OP, I'm guessing.
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Comments (196)
Readoll 13
Absolutely stupid... YDI
WhoWhat_fml 10
I hear that knives can be pretty sharp these days.
HowieDoIt 21
Much sharper than OP, I'm guessing.
Pleonasm 35
That cuts deep, Howie, no need to be so blunt.
FrenchGirl01 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What does OP mean ?
raphanne_fml 33
#50 Omelette putrefaction.
Pleonasm 35
Oral Penetration.
jimmy_poison 19
Operating Penis
RadikulRam 16
#50, Go on Google and search "what does OP mean". Or type "op define".
eyepuppy 31
OP's actions are the definition of stupidity.
Kamon97 23
Original poster #50 guys seriously be more mature, we've all been new here once... Nothing wrong with helping someone...
Laurenluvz 11
Well OP didn't specify the knife. It could have been a butter knife, which is pretty dull and large, making he/she ( on mobile, can't see ) deserve it even more
junkman6 22
How can people on mobile not see the gender? I can see it on my iPhone, is it different on droid?
smokecloud_ 37
I used to use the mobile site before I got the app and it didn't specify gender. I don't think it does on my boyfriend's windows phone either.
Octwo 16
If you have the latest app on android it does show gender.
jimmy_poison 19
86 - yeah you're right. But FML is not a welcoming community. I lurked here for 6 or so months before commenting, and seem to be going through the "you're new, so we will downvote to hell everything you write" phase. Seriously considering returning to lurking instead of bothering
FucYoCouch 13
118, I'm new too. I lurked as well for a bit. It's a hell of a lot different when you read witty comments and think of something even more awesome to post rather than actually commenting. I realized that before I started to comment though so I've not really had said "Phase". You get the hang of it pretty quickly though and it soon becomes fun. Once you get the hang of it, it becomes something enjoyable. It's like riding a bike. Or scraping your Uvula with a knife, in OP's case...
Laurenluvz 11
I can see the gender, I just can't see it as I'm writing a comment, and I can't really be bothered to go back and check.
RamonTheGamer 7
But it's nutella, NUTELLA
sig4life 18
Nutella might be worth the next week of itchy throat. Although there are better things to put it on if you are going to Deep Throat it.
DaMann360 19
Other things to deep throat too
Dekat121 24
#92 I have an android (S4) and I can see the gender, its more about peoples laziness not to look at the upper right hand conner of the screen. -.-"
tehranken 6
#86 thank you!!!
FrenchGirl01 11
Sorry to have asked this stupid question but I'm French and new..
FrenchGirl01 11
And thank you #86
Cadillac4427 8
#50 I am not sure where you are from, but there is this product called "Nutella" made from hazelnut ...its a spread you can put on things...I tried it once and its freaking delicious. It's promoted as being healthy but its pretty much a fattening chocolate and hazelnut hazzard
FrenchGirl01 11
I know what Nutella is
TallMist 32
#92 I'm on my iPad and I can see the OP is a woman.
itskaybytheway 10
except for when you got nutella on that knife.
sdroze1389 31
#2. wtf are you talking about?
IDontKnowWhoIAm04 24
He is talking about how amazing Nutella is
TrollingHaters 9
He's Talking About How good Deep Throating Nutella Is
ItsKennyBaby 9
I think you missed the whole point of the fml
IDontKnowWhoIAm04 24
I was talking to 53
yesrod 4
Was it worth it?
slasher2808 11
its nutella it's always worth it lol
syki 22
i doubt it. How would she even *taste* it?
Travesty911 14
How don't you taste nutella? You taste all the time. At school, at church, and when you're eating peanut butter...
IHATEFMYLIFE 26
Hmmm... Practice with something a little safer next time!
AFCCT 7
Like something hard, but with a rounded tip?
cavanlad 2
your profile picture suggests you are digusted by your own comment
PenguinBitch 43
Take #46's advice! A microphone sounds about right.
amphetamin3 17
I thought of one of those pop-up lightsaber toys. But I guess a microphone works too!
blackychan63 12
like a dick..? :)
syki 22
Oh my god, 95! Disgusting and inappropriate! You should be ashamed of yourself. Obviously, 4 and 46 meant a BANANA, which is actually food and belongs in your mouth.
FucYoCouch 13
95, looks like that Sexual Harassment Seminar taught you nothing.
Korra_fml 23
how could it have been a banana?? correct me if im wrong, but bananas are soft...
Soloman212 28
Korra, you should try foreplay.
sig4life 18
#96 I believe a Zucchini or Cucumber would hold up better than a banana.
ironmany_fml 23
Soloman what would you know you are just a monkey
madellen 16
Why would you even attempt
robotiick7 23
I swear some people go to the extreme for some Nutella
thefrenchenglish 6
Oh! thé nutella, a fml on the nutella, it's incredible
RecklessJellyBea 7
Wow, you really wanted those creamy nuts in your mouth.
syki 22
*creamy chocolate nuts.
IHATEFMYLIFE 26
*creamy chocolate hazelnuts
HowieDoIt 21
Microwave the Nutella next time, put it in a bowl and don't choke on a knife.
Nilorak 24
Why would you want to eat the nutella warm?
parism143 28
Isn't the nutella already soft? Why would you liquify it?
Pancakes017 19
A different kind of nuts in your throat.
boating_guy 33
Well it appears even given that move, natural selection still wasn't able to help us out. Shit
Pleonasm 35
Thankfully/unfortunately, natural selection doesn't work quite the same way with humans.
buckdharma 37
11- Yeah, it must have been a survival knife.