Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML
Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML
Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML
Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the subway station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced, "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one." FML
Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone except me. Then one of them said, "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML
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Top comments
DerrickJames 33
Those aren't your friends.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Shitty bouncer. Shittier friends.
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Comments (147)
DerrickJames 33
Those aren't your friends.
diiiinkleberg 13
I like how the first two comments are nearly identical
diiiinkleberg 13
Never mind, I read it wrong, lol ignore me
SumBur 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hence the parentheses.
miasaur 11
lol @ the reply comments
Llama_Face89 34
The stupid hurts my head...
KeXu 6
Troll senses tingling. Did someone edit their comment?
Poochavist 11
No one wants to see your 'lol'
ColdplaySucks 18
Those asshats aren't your friends.
diiiinkleberg 13
Throw shit like a monkey at the bouncer, and when they bitch at you just say "I'm only validating your point"
MidnaLink 35
How does PROVING their point help her?
ajkwilso 8
It doesn't help her but that whole situation just gives her permission to act wild and get payback
AestheticGuy 21
@25 LOL I laughed way too hard at that....
lu95 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe you should lay off the makeup... Or apply it the right way!
RoboCunnilingus 23
Red face. I get it.
SWhimsynBubbaS 14
Hm. I love how people automatically blame being "ugly" by having too much make-up or not 'enough'. I do admit sometimes with too much make-up it can go a little overboard but that doesn't make someone an "arse face" in this case, but putting it on doesn't exactly turn you into a beauty queen. Sorry about what happened to you, OP. On the bright side you no longer have fake friends!
Pinkgal123 24
Your a bitch, you know?
pinguino3669_fml 23
Makeup doesn't define beauty.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Shitty bouncer. Shittier friends.
kurodansei 16
Shitty solution, throw feces at him to prove his point.
obsquire 5
Proving his point won't help.
AestheticGuy 21
No offense but the bouncer had every right to let in who he thinks is good for the club. I just hope that OP isnt naturally ugly and she just needs to present herself better.
mim777 4
however funny it may be :)
gmian 34
Sorry, OP. Probably aren't your real friends then :( at least you now know!
Speibrand 10
Well, I guess you can use that time to find better friends
mrdinofly 6
You'd have no idea how hard it is making friends when you don't have friends in the first place.
glamorous18 10
sorry honey, those aren't your real friends. try finding people you can trust & rely on.
truesarrif 33
that's when the slip of a 20$ bill in a hand shake comes in handy. and once you're inside slip another bouncer another 20 to toss your friends back out since they were going in without you.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
This... This is... This is the guy.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Okay... okay, sir... okay, sir, please stop... Thanks!! :) ...
ApollosMyth 22
I don't know if those friends are worth $40.
buckerado 19
"Uhhh...excuse me sir, I have someone I'd like you to meet...*pulls out money*and this fellow doesn't like those people over there.*
rosatoscano 12
Your friends are assholes...
mim777 4
they don't count as friends
ceji3 13
Well, OP, I guess those "friends" of yours need to be returned. And as for the doorman, I'm sure he's wrong.