Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Captain Badass
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
New variant incoming
Today, some dumbass ripped my facemask off, spit in my face, and ran away. FML
Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Stunlocked
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Get back here!
Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML
Top comments
narkill 13
Well. That's very...disturbing...
SpamPam 18
I hope he had pants on
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Comments (152)
narkill 13
Well. That's very...disturbing...
ItsAUnicorn 27
Just like ur profile picture
kakarot2 11
I think that was a trap he placed
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Or a hidden camera setup. Expect to appear on a TV show soon.
HKCgrimmjow 15
YES, WHAT I DID MADE AN FML! Just kidding, sounds like something I would do, I do that to my girlfriend all the time, even the running away part unfortunately.
not_a_robot 15
That sounds like an interesting relationship, #70.
coversquirrel 8
Did you get the coin?
JenkJenks 6
Aaaaaaaaand, she's pregnant
jessi_sunshine 26
Bend at the knees, not at the waist, OP!
Wimoweh 10
I just want to ask, is OP's username the noise he made when it occurred?
v1kt4r 13
She better have, she earned it
Peanut_fml 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So money AND sex. What's the problem?
CMC_LOVES_MGM 19
Are you seriously trying to make the situation seem okay? A person was assaulted. I feel so sorry for OP that someone disturbed took advantage of OP. I think OP should report it to the police even if OP didn't see his face. I pretty sure it counts as a form of sexual assault.
Welshite 39
#19: I think you need to calm down. You also might want to purchase a sense of humor as well, but I suppose those are in short supply.
Peanut_fml 10
Sorry #19, I wasn't aware OP needed my support in order to call the police if this incident had bothered them so much.
CMC_LOVES_MGM 19
I feel sorry for you if you think assault is funny.
olpally 32
#32, I feel sorry for you that you don't understand the obvious sarcasm and the joke that's clearly intended. Lol. Lighten up a little. Sheesh.
Welshite 39
#32: I'm assuming that was directed at me. For future reference, this is a humor website where HUMOROUS (for the most part) stories are submitted. If you can't see the funny/ironic situations in published FMLs or in the comments for that matter, why are you here?
CMC_LOVES_MGM 19
All I was trying to point out was that an assault happened. I personally can not find humor in the situation. However it is the Internet, so I shouldn't really be bother myself because you found the situation funny.
jxcala 10
#19- pull the stick out
bluehero 17
The situation was pretty funny. It's not like he is scarred for life..
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
#42 just stop
NeinKittenz 20
#19 Need some humor? I have some extra.
emilyjgraham 34
19, what the **** will police do? Keep an eye out for a mysterious humper?
HKCgrimmjow 15
I can see miss down votes point but Miss, you have to understand this is FML, people don't post FML's looking for sympathy for the most part, if she wasn't disturbed enough to keep from posting than it was just a funny event.
ZeroPath5 16
#42, Calm the hell down...you make this FML sound like it was rape. Nothing serious happened and I don't know how YOU picture this FML, but all it was was 2 seconds of a man playing a joke on someone else, who then put it on FML. Not some brutal taken to the alley rape scene.
jesus_killer 2
I feel sorry for all of you. Take a joke. Quit arguing.
CrookedCook 14
#19 clearly FML forums are not for you.
Mossears133 15
42- Calm your **** dude, OP was humped, not raped. As shocking and weird as it is, it wasn't assult. Nobody was hurt, nobody got anything shoved up their ass, nobody got horribly scarred for life. The only thing that happened was that OP got an interesting story to tell his grandkids, and we got a good laugh.
Rawr6591 21
it was assault it was unwanted and was a form of not consented sexual contact
saraaahxx2202 3
I think it's hilarious. More people need a sense of humor.
garrett1999o3 16
This FML reply forum is probably gonna be so long that I can type anything down with nobody knowing what it is. Squirrels.
Original_Outcast 23
I'm surprised Freshpie hasn't trolled any of you yet. He is popular on the forums.
jamnglamgirlie 17
I think this FML really depends on what kind of person OP is. On an episode of Law&Order something similar happen to 9 people on an NY subway, and when they were brought to identify the man some of the women just kind of shrugged it off while others burst into tears. Since OP posted it on FML I'm sure he/she is fine, but a little annoyed.
ddlovatolover 23
#19, OP is a male. Also, lighten up! Joke aren't meant to be taken seriously, that's why they're called jokes.
Rumbelle_fml 22
I think everyone in this thread (specifically #19, #42, and everyone crying because "sexual assault isn't funny") needs to consider the fact that OP posted this FML voluntarily. If he was so traumatised, I doubt he'd have submitted his story to a site which is dedicated to providing humourous snippets from peoples lives. In fact, I woud go so far as to say that if he was bothered terribly by the event, whether it technically be classified as sexual assault or not, he'd talk to a friend or family member about it. Sexual assault is not funny, however I do think that before we all get on our social justice soap-boxes, we need to consider the context of the story.
saulito51 7
Are you on crack she just got raped and all u can think of is a way of calling her a prostitute wtf u son of a b*tch
that_band_nerd 22
Ok 152, OP is male, you can't get something shoved up your butt if you and the other guy have pants and undies on, no one said prostitute, calm the **** down.
Scotth901 22
Beep beep, femtard alert
SpamPam 18
I hope he had pants on
beddington 7
He may have, but I bet when this becomes an FML video he won't.
yeti37 16
But did she get a good look at his shoes?
sig4life 18
Next time bend at the knees. Pants or no pants.
red_headforlife 15
Guys like that are disgusting.
firefighter925 18
Was it good for you, cuz I'm pretty sure it was good for him
sux4u121 10
I don't know if it's funnier or creepier that OP is a guy.
tygerarmy 35
Funnier.
bluehero 17
I don't know, if it was a girl, she would've been more butthurt
threer 30
Generalization much, #114?
oNisao 21
Lol the picture of this fml.
Cusefan5 6
That's just... Wrong
sux4u121 10
Looks like you got ****** over.
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
Clever devil.
SMHsohard 22
And that's why you bend at the knees instead of the waist when you pick something up off the ground.
bombtastic 10
yeah, but you never know if they would've tried to hump op's head too.
SMHsohard 22
Oh, that's a disturbing mental image.
DanielBenyamin 18
Who knows what would have happened if she was on her knees? If you know what I mean...
groovycrazyjoe 18
it was a guy just saying
jramirez16 9
It he bent at the knees he would have gotten "tea bagged" lmao
shorty6823 28
Un-Happy Hump Day?
youllnvrkno 8
excusie excusie... Eurotrip anyone.. no.. ok ( ._.)