Today, my mom called me a "heartless bitch" for eating the last Hot Pocket. This is coming from a woman who, just last week, faked having cancer to get out of a speeding ticket. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML
Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML
Today, I was told how cruel and selfish I am for rubbing my weight loss in my mom’s face. I’ve literally begged my mom to walk, jog, workout with me for months. She went exactly once. She complained the whole time, then called me a bitch for finishing my run while she sat in the car. FML
Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML
Today, my already disabled mother is on the brink of becoming bedridden due to her weight. I flat out refused to buy fast food or unhealthy food to keep in the fridge. She started screaming through the wall that I was beating her, until the neighbors called the cops. Sadly, this isn’t the first time. FML
Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, I called my mother to tell her about my terminal cancer diagnosis. She responded with, "What makes you think I care at all?" before hanging up. FML
Today, my mother is upset that I won’t share things with her anymore. This is the woman who spent my entire childhood gossiping about every teeny tiny detail of my life, and used my suicide attempt as a way to garner pity for herself. Yeah, no thanks. FML
Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML
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Top comments
karlcolt45 19
it's all about priorities
iloveshim 14
We see where her loyalties lie, with the hot pockets. Now we know for sure bitches ain't nothin but hoes and tricks.
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Comments (85)
karlcolt45 19
it's all about priorities
sux4u121 10
Are you insinuating that speeding tickets are more important than hot pockets? Ridiculous
Demonfish 14
11- no, he isn't, he appears to be using something, called a sense of humour.
AKGirlinSD 20
To 1:... until the mom does get cancer. It'll hit her like a rock to a head that she should never use cancer (that she doesn't have!) as an excuse.
420Zombie 17
it's OK 11, I picked up that sarcasm and laughed
iloveshim 14
We see where her loyalties lie, with the hot pockets. Now we know for sure bitches ain't nothin but hoes and tricks.
supportcommand 17
It's " bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks". You can curse here, they don't mind.
vehementbitch 4
Well she already said bitches so......
supportcommand 17
Technically bitches are female dogs. So it's technically not cursing.
liv_graham 7
#2 I'm wondering if you're trying to pretend the girl in the picture is you. It's Nina Dobrev.
happle 21
Maybe she is Nina Dobrev.
KiddNYC1O 20
VP Diaries!
crazytwinsmom 25
We must really like those hot pockets!
crazytwinsmom 25
*she
MidnaLink 33
I almost thought you were royalty!
fresh247 10
I can understand if the hot pocket was Ham and cheese
TheRandomIndian 17
I like the ones with like four different cheeses in them better than ham and cheese
TrueTriage 16
I love the ones that don't give me diarrhea, yet to be discovered....
TheRandomIndian 17
Keep trying 20, don't give up
gracehi 31
My favorites are the mozzarella and meatball ones. One time I ate them for almost every meal for a weak because there was a vending machine in my barracks and I didn't feel like going to the galley. It didn't come out well in the end, of you know what I mean.
DutchBasterd 15
we don't have those in the Netherlands. :(
NoFlippinWai 24
oh you don't know what you're missing. *wishes I could dhl you some*
twaumat 28
why would having cancer get you out of a ticket? but fyl
sux4u121 10
It may not be a solid excuse to evade the law, but she was probably trying to pull the sympathy card, it's a pretty low move.
Demonfish 14
Possibly a case of: "must..get..to....h-hospital...emergency....ch-ch-chemo-therapy" A real dick move however it manifested itself..
hawright 13
My tried and true method is asking about becoming a state trooper because, because "I've always wanted to be one." It's worked a perfect 7 for 7. I have to resort to extreme measures because I don't have lovely lady bumps.
journeytotheend 16
My aunt got out of one when she actually did have cancer! "I don't care, I have cancer... I'll be gone before I have to pay it"
Coyotay_Yelnats 4
Gotta do watcha gotta do, speeding tix ain't the bizz
iOceanus 18
Really? Who talks like this?
Clay_K 17
Gangsters.
the_smart_way 10
White boys on the Internet.
sux4u121 10
I think everybody knows that arguing with parents never works under any circumstances. Parents can sometimes be the most unreasonable people, just ignore her shit and know that you're being the better person.
TurtleSmile 14
Your mother does in fact make an extremely valid argument. You don't just go around eating the last hot pocket without first having a discussion with everyone. C'mon OP.
TheRandomIndian 17
If its about the last hot pocket, it'll be an argument, not a discussion.
Alycat6363 15
You don't discuss who gets the last hot pocket, you eat it in secret and then pretend it wasn't you.
happle 21
Is there a hot pocket shortage or something?
TheRandomIndian 17
No and there is no shortage of any sarcasm either.
facepalmtoomuch 8
You deserve it, the poor woman has cancer.
DaDezza244 31
How does OP deserves it? Also, if you've read the FML properly, you will have noticed the word 'faked' before the words 'having cancer'
etchsanity1 11
I'm assuming sarcasm folks
laden_swallow09 34
I assume its an attempt at humor, too. I know as a fact it wasn't funny, either.
witchdoctor1 9
I can't help but notice your pic goes hand in hand with your comment. I give you props whether you're serious or not.
thetguy 4
Hey think of it this way! At least she was trying to spare you from the explosive ***** you get afterwards..
TheRandomIndian 17
Am I the only one who can eat hot pockets without my anus blowing up afterwards?