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Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

#1382761 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (63676) - you totally deserved it (12012)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by hjgjh - United States (California)

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Anonymous's life also sucks

BARF also deserved it

Comments

wow that sucks. how could an ant bite your penis? wouldn't you feel it crawling up your leg?

#1 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:02am by pkmlove

hahahahaha well depending on your age I wouldnt worry too much perhaps your 12 in which case you've got plenty of time

that sounds kinda painful though did it atleast swallow?

#2 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:04am by ZiggyMorrison

Dude, get over it.

#3 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:04am by Nitros

did you return the favour? bet you didn't you selfish bastard

#4 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:05am by quantumoftruth

FTW.
I love you. XD

#149 - On 08/04/2009 at 3:01am by Alley_Way

hahaha

#156 - On 02/28/2010 at 12:37pm by austinkarimi

ahahah FYL cause that probably hurttt

ant bites hurttt

#5 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:06am by Gulsah

I wouldn't worry about it.

No matter how short it was at least you got some from an ant.

#6 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:07am by 24788

This comment has been moderated.

#7 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:08am by 123654789

This comment has been moderated.

#8 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:09am by keke

I'm sure it didn't eat much o_O

#9 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:10am by dirtyhippie

More importantly why was an ant on your penis and how did it get there?

#10 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:10am by marz88

YDI. Now grow up.

#11 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:11am by MalevolentMime

lol, i agree... how did an ant get there?!

but either way, ouchie!

#12 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:11am by fueledbyamy

YDI, ants dont bite, they pee.

#13 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:12am by kruuvi

This FML would have been more effective if you had written "I'm 46." at the end or something.

#14 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:12am by qwerty3

Keepin it in the family huh? Oh.. it was an ANT-ant... not Aunt?

Get your naked ass out of the front yard, or clean up your room. I don't understand how an ant bites your dick.

#15 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:19am by rukusrazor

#13 ants do bite, fool.

#16 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:19am by eliz3

A mosquito bit mine when i was taking a piss...but my gf made it all better =D

#17 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:22am by Jigga_PaNG

oh no..you poor thing..you've never gotten a human to suck your thing...your life must not be complete then..

NOT!

Get over it!

#18 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:23am by Tresemmegan

I'm really starting to hate those "that's the most action i've gotten in months/years/ever" FMLs.

#19 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:25am by papertigers

LOL.
EPIC FAIL
and how exactly did the and get in your pants in the first place?

#20 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:26am by ILIEKGIRLS

yea but how old are you? it doesn't matter if you're young.

#22 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:28am by whocares111

The ant was trying to kill the little fly so he could take it to his nest :p

#23 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:30am by 1Tsk

Yeah that happens to everyone...0.o

#24 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:34am by xRUINERx

I dunno if any of you realize this but an ant can crawl up your leg before you realize it's there.

#25 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:36am by someone1989

How is this a FML?

#26 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:43am by AdamB

Dude, maybe if you didn't live in a bug infested home you might get more than a bug sucking you off.

#27 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:45am by requieminadream

you know, getting laid isn't the most important thing in life.

#28 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:54am by dearViena

thanks for sharing

#29 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:00am by trackrunner525

4, will you marry me?

#30 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:04am by davidomke

Did you at least get the ant's phone number?

#31 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:15am by pancakelover

#4 = WIN XD

#32 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:18am by judgeymcjudge

Boo fucking who, you haven't had sex, so what?

#33 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:21am by alex_vik

hahahaha

#34 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:24am by wh0regasm

Super dude. fyl

#35 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:25am by sikanderimran

Well that's what you get for sticking your penis into anthills.

#36 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:27am by ohhhsnaaap

Stop trying to put ants in your penis and grow up so we won't have to read these lame ass 'FML' stories anymore. There once was a time where the FML's were still good, what happend to those days :(

#37 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:27am by Tehalon

How the heck did you get an ant to bite your cock? More importantly, why?

#38 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:31am by jjofearth

Your penis is NOT an ant eater, stop putting it in ant hills.

#39 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:36am by Musemusic88

I think you'll live.

:(

#40 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:39am by jSOPURE

That would be correct, yet ants do not bite, they urinate on you...
And great joke #4

#41 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:43am by JBeckLGB

What were you doing to the ant?

#43 - On 04/27/2009 at 12:01pm by Rok

ha ants to bit dbag. they sting.

#44 - On 04/27/2009 at 12:02pm by hattrick0313

AHHHAHAHA

#45 - On 04/27/2009 at 12:05pm by KenMcGormick

Oh jeez why am i laughing!?

#46 - On 04/27/2009 at 12:20pm by Fanoodle

Dude, I feel your pain. I got one in my bathing suit while swimming at the community pool once and it bit me on the dick. That shit hurts

#47 - On 04/27/2009 at 12:33pm by videogame_loser

Yea - this one is a very age dependent FML...13=not an FML at all; while 31=FML all the way.

#48 - On 04/27/2009 at 12:41pm by lems18902

Technically, I believe ants use "mandibles" to bite.

#49 - On 04/27/2009 at 1:14pm by FreedomFirst

#19 you've got it all wrong. they are the best kind of fml!

#50 - On 04/27/2009 at 1:15pm by mattmag

BETTER! Just Wait Till Yur Married ... Stay Awy From The GREY AREA!

#51 - On 04/27/2009 at 1:32pm by Musik_00

Rather an ant than your aunt

#52 - On 04/27/2009 at 1:32pm by GoFigureAgain

How did an ant get there?

#55 - On 04/27/2009 at 1:40pm by Aristai

probably shouldnt teabag anthills

#56 - On 04/27/2009 at 1:43pm by guitardedman

#4

#57 - On 04/27/2009 at 1:51pm by hahayou12345

YOU HAVE ANTS IN YOUR PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#58 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:11pm by philadelphianus

I thought ants in your pants was just a children's board game...

#59 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:13pm by stenciil

are you sure it was a 'mouth', maybe you got laid and didnt even realise it

#60 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:18pm by BannedDistress78

once a wasp flew up my shorts, first butt to touch my dong...

#61 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:19pm by HardFail

ants sting not bite, better luck next time

#62 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:21pm by barklikecowsdo

Sooooo WAS IT GOOD? haha xD

#63 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:23pm by fatality2009

How? How? How? How? How? How?

#65 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:26pm by Jordan10la

The ant was probably attracted to the peanut butter he was using so his dog to lick him

#66 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:32pm by nazooer

GAH HAHA HHAHAHAHA hahah HAHAHAHA hHAHAHA

now this is funny.

better luck in the future, man.

#67 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:32pm by jarofarts

how about you never come back on FML agian...retard

#68 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:33pm by jbucklez

bj ... nice

#69 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:43pm by some1hones

Haha, I feel a combination of pity and uncontrollable laughter. Not even including that an ant was the "first mouth to ever touch it," just the fact that you got bit there is hilarious. What on earth were you doing, playing in the yard naked?!

#70 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:48pm by AlyshaDeShae

did you bust a nut? or did you bust blood?

#71 - On 04/27/2009 at 2:58pm by DeAtH_ScoPe

that hurst. I bet you're circumcised too

#72 - On 04/27/2009 at 3:10pm by pete275

So? I was once (When I was 7) throwing around a whole colony of ants, without noticing the ants, and they all did the same exact thing.

#73 - On 04/27/2009 at 3:19pm by xXMILKYCHUNKSXx

May i ask why you were sexing up ants? :D

But yeah, sounds pretty painful :D

#74 - On 04/27/2009 at 3:23pm by Adeyy

haha mouth. cute

#75 - On 04/27/2009 at 3:24pm by bunnygirl

how old are you.

#76 - On 04/27/2009 at 3:33pm by grazynaanka

#4 LMAO
#19 I agree
#37 No one makes you read a damn thing. FYL because you read a FML that wasn't up to your bogus standards.
For all you geniuses, SOME ants bite and SOME ants urinate.

To the OP: You could always have a girl bite your penis. Then, you'll be calling the ant back.

#77 - On 04/27/2009 at 3:33pm by takemeaway10

did this ant cause you to ejactulate?

#78 - On 04/27/2009 at 3:40pm by mark266

Beastiality on a whole other level. FYL.

#80 - On 04/27/2009 at 3:48pm by 1FuKedUpKid

............................

#81 - On 04/27/2009 at 3:58pm by Synthetic

LOL, #4 & #56!

OP: Maybe it's because you're a big whiner?

#82 - On 04/27/2009 at 4:01pm by kellster

Ants In Your Pants I bet you enjoyed it. A lot.

#83 - On 04/27/2009 at 4:02pm by seandog

Lol #66
How would you know or feel if an ant bit you anyway?
Well I've never been bitten by one (I think o.o) so I wouldn't know...
Unless it was a different type of ant than the "usual" ones.

#84 - On 04/27/2009 at 4:12pm by iPhanny

For everyone who's saying this is necessarily false, no it's not. I remember one fourth of July I was sitting on a blanket watching fireworks when suddenly I felt a horrible sting of pain smack dab in the middle of my nether regions. When I finally got to a bathroom, there was a crushed fire ant in my underpants. It was not cool! FYL for sure, man!

#85 - On 04/27/2009 at 4:24pm by Zgirl

Too bad you not a sadomasochist

#86 - On 04/27/2009 at 4:44pm by mylifeisfuckeddd

This story happened to me. I was 5.

#87 - On 04/27/2009 at 4:44pm by dfarrey

how does an ant get onto your penis? :| unless you stuck it down there for you're own amusement.

#88 - On 04/27/2009 at 5:12pm by jennikins

And what are you, twelve? Stop complaining and go get some ice.

#89 - On 04/27/2009 at 5:27pm by heathcoate

how did the ant get in ur dick? haha i bet u were rubbing it along the ground outside 4 funn! i would totally love to see a guy do that i think it would be the hornyest thing ever!

#90 - On 04/27/2009 at 5:28pm by screwedattimes

Was it the first 'mouth' or the first mouth?

#91 - On 04/27/2009 at 5:29pm by jet

get over yourself....ya people need real problems

#93 - On 04/27/2009 at 5:32pm by Yuuhi

how the hell did an ant get on your penis?!

#94 - On 04/27/2009 at 5:32pm by stargirl14

to all the people that are making comments about hygiene...
what does that have to do with anything? just because an ant crawls on you, it doesn't make you a dirty person.
they clearly could have been sitting outside and wearing shorts and it could have crawled up his leg and inside.
and to all those calling 'fake', that's retarded. just because its never happened to you [and really, like you'd complain?] doesn't mean it never happened to someone else. grow up.

on one other note, there are tons of different types of ants. some sting, some bite, whatever. geez, stop calling people out on stupid shit. its annoying.

#95 - On 04/27/2009 at 5:44pm by fragilefreedumb

dude, why were there ants in your pants?

#96 - On 04/27/2009 at 5:49pm by cinderelly

wtf were you doing that would cause an ant to bite your penis?!

#97 - On 04/27/2009 at 6:00pm by isKinetic

Were you humping an ant hill?

#98 - On 04/27/2009 at 6:24pm by Nate_87

How did an ant get on your penis is what everyone really cares about. So?

#99 - On 04/27/2009 at 6:47pm by iEuphorical

An ant didn't "bite" you. Pinchers are not the same as mouths. Sorry to tell you that you still haven't gotten your first bj.

#100 - On 04/27/2009 at 6:51pm by MarkO

How did an ant get on your peenie?

Haha, better question...was it a huge ant? I probably wouldn't even notice.

#101 - On 04/27/2009 at 7:02pm by Powahouse

No.

#102 - On 04/27/2009 at 7:04pm by RandomFool

Ummm... i think id be too ashamed to put that up....
dunno what else to say.... Oh yea im gona rub in the fact that i got a g/f and she gives me blowjobs

D.C.

#103 - On 04/27/2009 at 7:12pm by Demonchild

ROFLMAO.

#104 - On 04/27/2009 at 7:20pm by ilovefmlife

LOL, how did it get down there, haha.

#105 - On 04/27/2009 at 7:24pm by Dianegoesboom

That's not what the anthills are for!

#106 - On 04/27/2009 at 7:52pm by Tsukasa

he was probably playing in his sandbox

#107 - On 04/27/2009 at 8:41pm by justtryin2help

an ant bite? give me a break. try getting a freakin jellyfish tangled in your swimtrunks. the next week was quite uncomfortable.

#108 - On 04/27/2009 at 8:42pm by WildBill1337

Is your uncle next?

#109 - On 04/27/2009 at 8:45pm by jam250

thats bs. YDI

#110 - On 04/27/2009 at 9:00pm by akngoah3843

why was an aunt on your dick? is it that small that a bug can suck it? maybe thats why no girls have been down there . VIVA VIAGRA$$$

#111 - On 04/27/2009 at 9:23pm by fml12351

WOW

#112 - On 04/27/2009 at 9:29pm by evilteriyaki301

how did it get in ur pants..
were u trying out a new way to masturbate or soemthing...

#113 - On 04/27/2009 at 9:54pm by basketball03

U were laying on the beach right? I had red ants attack me once on the beach but they never made it to my penis thank god!

#114 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:12pm by illgutcha

Big deal man I'm 14 and I have never even kissed a girl or had a girlfriend before let alone gotten head from one.

#115 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:15pm by Bflame7

how did it get up there?

#116 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:49pm by randomhappyguy

this fml sucks

#117 - On 04/27/2009 at 10:55pm by helloproto12

#19 yea really. this guy's probably like 15 years old... so it's not really a big deal...
Or 20, and same thing, just convince your girlfriend to blow you....when you get one...which you have plenty of life to get one...

#118 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:14pm by tdawgheath

Ha #4 (thumbs up)

#119 - On 04/27/2009 at 11:33pm by Rantie

damn ure an antophile!!! GET THE FUCK OUT!!!

#120 - On 04/28/2009 at 12:10am by Mikeymikey

Agree with #14.

#121 - On 04/28/2009 at 9:12am by esclave

this made me lol.

#122 - On 04/28/2009 at 12:09pm by finallyhappyat48

This is the first FML that made me ROFL..

it didn't just do it mouth and hands, feet too!

please tell me it's a female ant...

THE BESTIALITY!!!

It bit you? she should've covered her teeth!

Did she swallow?

Did you return the favor?

So what's next for you guys?

How long have you been seeing each other?

Are you guys thinking of making a new ant-man specie?

#17: At least yours sucked didn't bite ;)

#123 - On 04/28/2009 at 1:08pm by ljuwaidah

Come on. Get over it?

#124 - On 04/28/2009 at 1:51pm by lolwat_

Wow how tragic...
Get over it it's not that big of a deal.

#125 - On 04/28/2009 at 2:24pm by AnneFTW

._.
The biting occurred outside of the ant's mouth so it wasn't the first mouth to touch your penis.

Hope this helps ._.

#126 - On 04/28/2009 at 2:57pm by NceGuysDntFinsh

i love how the FML is that it's the first mouth to touch his penis. not that an ant bit his penis...

#127 - On 04/28/2009 at 4:39pm by loveme_loveme

You really shouldn't put ants on your dick there, chief

#128 - On 04/28/2009 at 6:24pm by theironuterus

#4 xD

#129 - On 04/28/2009 at 6:30pm by Lesiliexx

That's what you get for fucking ant hills. I learned my lesson a long time ago.

#130 - On 04/28/2009 at 8:49pm by Jellybones

ants have mandibles, so they technically can "bite." they usually sting. this FML depends on age. same thing happened to my friend though, except it was a tick.

#131 - On 04/28/2009 at 9:35pm by Gotz_No_Love

did you get that ant's number?

#132 - On 04/29/2009 at 12:00am by BluEG0pher

wait...how did you get an ant over there?

#133 - On 04/29/2009 at 12:01am by omar

i agree with #14

#134 - On 04/29/2009 at 11:16am by 8dice

its the most precious part of your body, how the hell did you let an ant get in there?

#135 - On 04/29/2009 at 3:56pm by italia33

Ick, one time I was eating a popsicle with my feet in the pool, and some dripped down inbetween my legs, which sent ants attacking. I only noticed it when I felt a little tickle down there and looked to see tons of the little things crawling in and out my bathing suit.

#136 - On 04/30/2009 at 12:35am by anitacs9101

Ok, so I am sure someone else probably already said this, but I don't feel like reading all of the comments.....

Anyway, this could have just been "Today an ant bit my penis. FML"

I am a girl, but I would think that that in and of itself would suck.

#137 - On 04/30/2009 at 12:22pm by patray_angel

urgay lma0o

#138 - On 04/30/2009 at 6:42pm by la_colombianita

HAHAHA what!!! How in the hell did that happen, were you using peanutbutter? LOL oh my god that is hilarioussssssssss!

#139 - On 05/03/2009 at 4:58am by AnnaT24

# 136 i agree. the second part kinda ruins the charm

#140 - On 05/03/2009 at 9:01am by azzaroks

has any ''crawled up'' lmao
did you jizz on the ant?
wtf dude, why would an ant.. be there in the first place?!?!?!
you're weird.

#141 - On 05/07/2009 at 10:53pm by spAzz93

wtf was your penis doing hanging out for?

#142 - On 05/10/2009 at 5:39pm by _yayfml_

#4 HA! Oh god that's hilarious.. lmao.
Never mind eh? Plenty of time I'm sure...

#143 - On 05/14/2009 at 5:07pm by Lizzi

...so you were lying naked in an anthill?

#144 - On 05/22/2009 at 11:38pm by greeneggsnsam

How the hell did you know an ant bit your dick. They don't really bite at all either.

#145 - On 06/03/2009 at 12:26am by Daneytee13197

Come on people you're telling me no one else has played with thier ant farm while they're naked? Anybody?

#146 - On 06/03/2009 at 3:40am by outrage360

how dose that even happen?

#147 - On 06/11/2009 at 11:07pm by Terilyn4500

Is everyone retarded? Ants do bite. Google it.

And #4, I want your babies.

#148 - On 07/27/2009 at 12:50pm by Kel_x

Hahahahahahahaha!! omg. You made my day :)

#150 - On 08/16/2009 at 10:32am by Rach_star

wat were u doin nude?


wish i was the ant.. eh eh eh

#151 - On 08/28/2009 at 5:51pm by andylee007

Epic fail

#153 - On 09/27/2009 at 1:38pm by Mud_puddle

who cares

#154 - On 01/21/2010 at 11:43pm by newmanlyman3

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