Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39789) - you totally deserved it (3616)
On 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm - love - by IB6UB9 - United States
One more post about Edward Cullen and I will gouge my eyes out with the nearest blunt object!! OMGSTFU!
#9 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:09pm by alexandraa
I would expect a visit from chris hansen soon... "why don't you have a seat over there?"
#52 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:04pm by totalbadass
I think a divorce is in order. YDI, though, for having an immature wife.
#94 - On 11/28/2009 at 7:53pm by kniferomance
I have no idea what to say to this. I didn't know that people could be this sad and desperate. Dump your wife right now. In a woodchipper would be the best way.
#104 - On 11/28/2009 at 9:21pm by crazytoaster
"Honey"
"Yes dear?"
"I think we need a divorece"
"Why?"
"Well you see...when I married you, I married a confident, independant woman...not an agnsty, prepubescent girl."
That is far beyond not being funny. It's never ok to even joke about spousal abuse. Have you ever been through it or seen someone go through it? I'm sure you haven't b/c you're making light of it. I don't care if you're trying to be funny; you and everyone else needs to learn that it's not funny...ever
#200 - On 11/29/2009 at 5:49pm by settingjunefree
calm down it was a joke and i know someone who has gone through that and jokes about it now... you either laugh or cry about things that happen to you in life.
#237 - On 11/30/2009 at 11:35pm by SkinnyWALLrus
This causes grounds for leaving her....disgusting! I wouldn't be suprised to hear if the divorce rate in America has gone up over this Edward Jacob Team thing...not suprised at all! leave it to AMERICA!
why does everyone blame every little thing tht is wron with this place on america! oh no a book is rlllly popular like harry potter OMG DUMB AMERICA! we should stop blaming such stupid things on america itself and more things on obama tht socialist basterd! :)
#263 - On 12/08/2009 at 8:55pm by robpatzluver
We seriously need a Who Gives A Damn About Twilight feature on FML.
#4 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:05pm by TheLoneWolf87
we need a section called "When twilight fans strike". Seriosly one more post about twilight and im finding the makers and popping 2 caps in their asses.
#116 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:06pm by Bansheethekilla
Divorce her NOW! She's really just a 14 year old girl!
#6 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:07pm by helpmeiamblind
ahaha that is funny.. but hey, i have heard of people doing waay worse things .. so be happy
#8 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:09pm by orangebunny
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
Haha, Edward is UGLY, it's all about Jacob, he's got a great body, Edward is white, like really white
#10 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:11pm by Edward_is_ew
I totally agree, jake's hot and like really sweet while edward's a total douche... I'm not a very big twilight-fan though xD
My bf loves twilight and makes me see them all the time and made me read the books...then she gets pissed when I say I hate Edward xO
#245 - On 12/01/2009 at 10:17am by CaptenAwesomeXD
i read the twilight saga and nobody knows it but me and the person who sold it to me at the bookstore not ALL twilight fans are crazy but i have to agree that 99.9% of them are a pain in the ass about it and need to get a life
#205 - On 11/29/2009 at 9:00pm by chefky14
Must be payback for turning into a 13 year old and going "honk honk" when you squeeze her boobs. She just wanted you to be in the same age bracket again.
Twilight is the literary equivalent of bands like Nickelback, Millionaires, Brokencyde, 3OH!3, Attack Attack!, Owl City, Basshunter, and Blood On The Dance Floor.
#16 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:15pm by allmidnighteyes
Yes, finally someone understands how awful they are!
#92 - On 11/28/2009 at 7:44pm by Whatsername6353
Oh, really now? I love Brokencyde, BOTDF, Owl City, Attack Attack!, and Basshunter. They do suck but, equivalent? God dang. They're not THAT shitty.
Hey, I don't even listen to much rock and I don't think Nickleback is /that/ bad, it's actually listenable where Twilight isn't readable. Now if you said the literary equivalent of Soulja Boy...
YDI for being married to a moron. Your own fucking choice.
#18 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:16pm by lostfaithinpppl
Don't worry... her obsession with Edward will end soon. Next up: your wife will walk into traffic on a busy street and then expect you to save her like Edward would, with your super-human-like-Edward strength.
And that'll be the end of her.
#20 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:18pm by FerrariCake
god.. people are doing such stupid things such as dumping their boyfriends, slicing open their necks and putting glitter on their husbands because of this stupid book... f our lives
#21 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:18pm by Sunako
Wha..? I didn't post anything bad. :I...
I just posted a demotivational poster about Twilight Moms.. "If these were 40-year-old men screaming for 17-year-old girls, someone woudl call the police"
#48 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:00pm by DameGreyWulf
Here's the pic I believe your talking about, grey.
http://static.funnyjunk.com/pictures/doublestandards.jpg
#68 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:47pm by TheLoneWolf87
push her off of a cliff and then when she comes back up say
"Oh sorry! I thought Jacob would save you!" XD
Twiight, Harry Potter, Justin Bieber, and all that other crap should all just go die in a hole. Right now.
#37 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:47pm by scateice
Hey, leave Harry Potter out of this! D:
That's a good series, well-written, and much longer lasting than Twilight. It's been around since... what, 97?
Twilight is already dying out some- that's why they've shot and been pushing the movies out so quickly. They know it won't last long,
whereas HP has already been popular and held a fan-base for over a decade.
I know, Harry Potter was an amazing series, and I'll be sad when they stop making the movies. But Twilight and Justin Bieber are losers. Seriously, Twilight is getting old, and it's so obvious, I mean the next Twilight movie comes out in like 6 months, and I bet it'll do terribly
#58 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:17pm by tally7mir
Harry Potter may not have been the best written series out there, but it kept all the fans going for over a decade. Please never, ever, put Harry Potter in the same awful category as the Twilight Saga.
Harry Potter gave us a whole hidden world next to ours, a real bad guy, and room for the imagination. Twilight gave us sappy, controlling, racist, abuse filled story giving us ideas about "friendship", "romance" and "true love" and the very worst, how it's okay to excuse your boyfriend's behaviors because he "cares for you and loves you oh so much".
#63 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:28pm by redbluegreen
At work, I'm forced to listen to a radio station that plays a Justin Bieber song literally 6 times a day. For the first week I heard that song, I was thinking "What the fuck is wrong with this chick?" because one line in the song is something like "I'll be your number one guy, you'll be my number one girl."
Then someone politely informed me that the singer was in fact male.
And I was like "oh shit, chick's a dude".
#99 - On 11/28/2009 at 8:33pm by Baroness542
No theme? Have you read the series? It has many themes! For example one theme throughout the book is that it is people's choices that effect the future and to do what is right is not always easy when compared to picking the easy choice and do the wrong action.. There are others but I'm not gonna name them just wanted to make a point... Sorry I'm a HP dork :D
#100 - On 11/28/2009 at 8:44pm by Starfire22
Twilight is racist? How? I'm not trying to prove you wrong, or anything, I'm just genuinely curious.
#106 - On 11/28/2009 at 9:24pm by Tequilamockngbrd
I think sexist was meant... unless they're talking about the werewolves vs vampires thing or something, but that's common in vampire novels.
The solid theme of Twilight is: If you believe you are totally truly liek for reelz in love with someone you just met then you CAN'T EVER GIVE THEM UP OR LEAVE THEM EVER THEY ARE YOUR ONLY LIFE EVERYTHING/EVERYONE ELSE MEANS NOTHING AND LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING WITHOUT THEM even if they beat you, stalk you, restrict you, etc because deep down it just means they totally do really truly omg for reelz care about you!
#110 - On 11/28/2009 at 9:33pm by DameGreyWulf
http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com
Read it. It talks about the racist, sexism, and pretty much everything I feel towards Twilight and can never say aloud without being shot by a Twilight fan. The guy is towards the end of book three, and yes, Twilight is racist.
#113 - On 11/28/2009 at 9:45pm by redbluegreen
Wowza. That's pretty awful. Thanks for the link though--kind of looks like an interesting read.
With any luck, the hype of Twilight will die down after the release the final movie. Bad trends don't stick around forever.
#115 - On 11/28/2009 at 9:59pm by Tequilamockngbrd
Mhm. And apparently, being a vampire makes you white. -_-
I sincerely hope Twilight dies out, sooner then later.
#118 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:06pm by redbluegreen
Judging by a comment I saw on the site, Meyer gets that from her religion. The comment: "Dude, nowadays when a Mormon dies and goes to Heaven, if they started out "disadvantaged" then their skin is washed a pearly white upon entry."
I guess when you take into account that she was probably raised on ridiculous things like that, the crap in Twilight sort of explains itself. Pretty sad, really.
#121 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:18pm by Tequilamockngbrd
Ok so I hate over-obssesed Twilight fans, I also hate the over-obssesed haters. I went onto that site and while he makes some valid points, he takes it a little too serious. It's a BOOK, if people could either say, I loved the books, it made me feel good to read them and leave it at that I would be ok with it. Or if they could say that they hated the books and it wasn't there thing, explain themselves and not be insulting to the fans of the series, that would be ok. Markreadstwilight, from the couple of entries I read, seems pretty meanspirited and takes a young adult book a little too seriously by over analyzing everything S.Meyers put in the book. "o Jasper is a confederate soldier, there's racism" and " don't want to involve the southner's, there's racism" Works of fiction are just works of fiction and you have to put yourself in that world. The whole imprinting thing is a werewolf trait, it's there soulmate in the twilight world, so in that worlds rules that's a unique situation that is accepted. Personally, i thought the twilight series were ok books but nothing special. What I hate is the people that don't read the books and call themselves fans. If your a fan and not nuts like most of the fans are, and like twilight because you enjoy the books, I have nothing against you... *end rant*
#122 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:18pm by Starfire22
@#99 "she got it, she got it, dude looks like a lady...." ACDC
and theres a simple cure to all this:
step 1: line up all the worlds twitards, and the writer
step 2: OPEN FIRE
step 3: ???
step 4: PROFIT!!1!
Meh, I wouldn't have as much against Twilight if it wasn't over-hyped. When you draw so much attention (and by attention, I mean several TV channels featuring girls with signs reading, "Edward, bite me!", mothers asking underage actors to sign underwear, FMLs like this one, etc) to something that doesn't really deserve it, people are naturally going to point out why it's silly. I've read the books and I don't really dig them, but I'm not going to blatantly hate on every Twilight fan I encounter. I'll throw in my opinion on the books, though. I don't know if that makes me a hater. You probably weren't even calling me one, so I guess this can apply to anyone who's thinking of throwing a tantrum over what's been said.
Holy rant, Batman. I can probably condense that, but I don't feel like it.
#127 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:27pm by Tequilamockngbrd
No, it wasn't directed to you don't worry :) reading that website just made me think about the series and it's not a horrible series like it's being talked about. I think it's nice that people are reading again. I'm an avid reader and actually got two of my friends into reading the series, and now they like to read and look at other books, mind you there on a vampire kick but I also like supernatural romances. Twilight was just a little too tame for me, I really get into Christine Feehan, JR Ward and the Sookie Stackhouse series... But mysteries will always be my passion. ;)
#131 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:39pm by Starfire22
I need to get around to reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels... apparently, they're amazing. xD
#134 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:48pm by Tequilamockngbrd
Yes they are pretty amazing! *sigh* Eric* his characters pretty hott lmao
#138 - On 11/28/2009 at 11:01pm by Starfire22
Yeah, I hear lots about Eric! Viking, right?
Yes, Scateice, it is. :] I was happy to help it get there. Sign my autograph?
#142 - On 11/28/2009 at 11:15pm by Tequilamockngbrd
Yes in real life it would be creepy to have a boyfriend that loves you but is really dangerous for you, but they are just books that play into people's fantasies, so yeah you can't take everything in the books as something you should do in real life.
Your wife? You do realize marrying twelve year olds is illegal in most countries where Twilight is popular, right?
Definitely grounds for a divorce IMO. Maybe not realistically, but that's downright creepy. Here's what to do - give her a water bra that'll bring her chest up to about a D, and tell her you just want her to be more like Pamela Anderson. Ahh, revenge. =P
#41 - On 11/28/2009 at 5:53pm by Skyline969
you know, i normally wouldn't condone something like that, but in this case i think its completely necessary, if for no other reason than to get your point across
YDI for not tearing her motherfucking empty head off and shitting down the hole. I am so sick of Twilight fangirls, we need to initiate a fucking pogrom against them.
I think we need to shut up about Twilight.
There are thousands of Twilight fans. This fact will not go away no matter how much you hate Twilight. There will always be someone who likes Twilight, and rightfully so.
If a 14 year old girl, or a 28 year old guy for that matter, likes Twilight, what gives you the right to try and spoil that for them?
Wouldn't it piss you off if your favorite book/movie/song/whatever was constantly being torn down?
Yeah it would, assholes. :]
Too bad our favorite book/movie/ whatever, fuck, etc isn't as bad as Twilight where we would need to glitter our boyfriend/husband's face to make them sparkle.
#57 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:15pm by BaghdadAssUp
Seriously. I like Jurassic Park, an actually INTELLIGENT book, and I'm not about to dress any partner up like a god damn t-rex
... oh fuck now I've gone and got ideas.
Oh no wait it's more funny than sexy, nevermind.
#66 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:41pm by DameGreyWulf
#46, no, no I wouldn't, because I'm not a fanatical dipshit that's incapable of distinguishing fiction and reality. Go ahead and rip down my favourite books and movies, see if I give a toss.
#46... no one is actually ripping on "Twilight". Rational people rip on the stupid things that Twilight "fans" do because they can't tell the difference between reality and the obviously fictional world presented in the book. None of these FMLs or the accompanying comments are about the characters or events in the books (or movies)... they are all about the stupid things people do in their effort to bring the fantasy story into reality.
I'm sure the author of the series would rip on the same "Twilight fans", but she's keeping quiet because she's making millions off of them.
ps... Gladiator is one of my favorite movies, but I'm not trying to dress anyone up like a Roman gladiator. And you can rip on it all you like. I don't care, it's just a movie.
#87 - On 11/28/2009 at 7:36pm by FerrariCake
There's a little saying that goes... "You can hardly call yourself a fan if you can't joke about your fandom."
#90 - On 11/28/2009 at 7:43pm by DameGreyWulf
wow... I would be pissed. and what the hell.. I thought only middle school kids were retarded enough to like twilight...
the only thing that looked good was for the movie new moon. the wolves look so amazing that in a way it actually pissed me off. it pissed me off because something that looked so cool was in something so stupid. and usually animated wolves look like crap.
and TRUE VAMPIRES DONT FUCKING SPARKLE *rawwr*
I read twilight and I didn't take it seriously. it's a book with fictional characters. I also love owl city and the postal service.
#49 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:00pm by picturetaker
really sucks to be you dude. If she does it again, consider divorce
#55 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:09pm by fagtastic_iva
maybe his wife IS a 12 year old and shes a mail order bride from a country that has girls getting married at younger ages..... just a thought... *eye twitch* but this sounds like a fun idea for a prank.. dumping shit over a group over a crowd of mean adults or unpleasant assholes X3
#60 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:21pm by moon_mistress
At lease shes not saying she would rather be with Edward and not you. :D
#61 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:23pm by Jason_Dawn
If the literary world were to suddenly place a well-timed fart on its audience, the result would be Twilight. Oh wait...
Now you have reason to bite her and make her bleed. Go do it.
#70 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:48pm by DeathByFalchion
Someone should open up a "Rehab For Twilight Obsessed Little Girls." .. They're making me look bad. ):
#71 - On 11/28/2009 at 6:53pm by optimus_prime420
YDI for marrying her... (but seriously FYL for having such a retarded wife)
#75 - On 11/28/2009 at 7:07pm by iwillalwaysydi
Your wife is the reason twilight has such a bad name. But honestly no one gives a flip chip. so this isnt an fml
#76 - On 11/28/2009 at 7:13pm by michelleyily
I am currently in the theater, siting to watch New Moon for the #2 time.
oh and OP, ur wife has a obsession, I like Twilight and whatever but that's just sad.
#80 you just spelled it the same way he spelled it. op get a new wife. anyone who likes twilight has a horrible taste in books and movies. i didn't know that someone would be so stupid that they would put glitter on their husband.
ha ha ur wife wants to bone Edward Cullen ha ha more power to her I personally like the twilight saga but these pre teens and over aged moms need to chill
You should bite her then. Teach that bitch a lesson. (I'm a chick btw)
#83 - On 11/28/2009 at 7:30pm by perfectwinds
Your response should have been: "Thank god! I thought it was from the strippers from last night." I jest, I jest.
#85 - On 11/28/2009 at 7:35pm by nokillnobeepbeep
I'm sick of all these cunts making all Twilight fans look crazy. I'm not crazy and I like the Twilight series. They're fun to read and watch and that's it.
#86 - On 11/28/2009 at 7:35pm by ericalew_xo
time to rip that bitch a new asshole pal...! gimme a shout. me and my girthy cock will be a your service.
#98 - On 11/28/2009 at 8:19pm by invisiblerabbit
You should just go along with it and wear rubber fangs and bite her neck whenever you can... Just to creep her out... Cause she probably isn't expecting you to go along with this...
But if that doesn't work and she likes you doing that, you should... Uuummmmm......... Cover her in dog hair when she's asleep so that she'll be like a werewolf... Either that or get a divorce... Your choice...
Watch out; she might be cheating on you with the window.
#103 - On 11/28/2009 at 9:19pm by Tequilamockngbrd
Twilight needs its own category, and I think we have grounds for divorce.
#108 - On 11/28/2009 at 9:31pm by Brooklynxman
hahaha i love the OP for submitting this ridiculous fml. thank you for causing such a rise in everyone. the comments are quite enjoyable.
i like twilight, but that is just TOO much *facepalm*
#112 - On 11/28/2009 at 9:43pm by higurashil0v3
i would have done the same thing! At least you know that you're sexy enough to be compared to him. :) Be grateful, sounds like your the man of her dreams aside from Edward LMFAO
#117 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:06pm by LilCinderella
lol I'm SOOOOOO doing that. I don't even like Twilight and that's amazing.
#124 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:22pm by JessiGoose
i like twilight, theyre ok but a little dramatic. but seriously, these overly obsessive people need to stop being overly obsessive. thats going too far
#130 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:38pm by ApolloandDixie
omg I love your wife. you better hold on to that one. lol
#133 - On 11/28/2009 at 10:44pm by Alldreeezy
133, your just as a dumb and should be lobotomized. Anyone whose that obsesed with writing that was done with crayons has issues.
OP I feel bad for you for having to put up with such a moron of a wife.
If she wants you to be more like Edward Cullen, go for it. Just include the creepiness, try to force her away from her friends, and act cold and abusive towards her.
fyl...but thats hysterical...
and people...there can be fans of twilight that arnt obsessed...or the people (who, like me!) liked twilight BEFORE it became popular, before it became a movie...ya know...if you get past the idiodic fangirls and assholes that rip on it...its actually a pretty good book...
#139 - On 11/28/2009 at 11:07pm by jazzlynne_raiyne
This is why psychiatric evaluations should be a requirement before marriage! Oh and quick way to fix this... Replace all the food with animal blood then sit in the kitchen drinking fake blood and watch her freak the fuck out!
#145 - On 11/28/2009 at 11:28pm by mizanonymous
WAT IS WRONG WITH UR FACE!
ANIMAL BLOOD..REALLY..SHE WOULD DIE!
YOH WANNA KILL PEOPLE IS THAT WAT YOH WANT ...*Points at yoh and says* KILLER OF HUMAINS! YA JERK
actually, you wouldn't kill her, you'd just creep her out.... ALOT.
Divorce...NOW! Fans that go THAT far are not going to change any time soon and their obsession will only get worse!
i want to tell every stupid twilight obsessed child that im going to cut off edwards head. stupid sparkling vampires and their idiot cult followers.
#150 - On 11/28/2009 at 11:52pm by kisseshugsdrugs
your obviously either jealous, or have nothing else to do with your life than to make fun of other people. you know twilight is absolutely amazing, don't deny it.
jealous? the book wasnt that great. bella is such a helpless twit i couldnt bear to even finish it. if you enjoy twilight enjoy it. but dont tell me its "amazing" because it isnt. and mostly im complaining about the idiot fans that think a cult needs to form over something so dumb and the fact that A GROWN WOMAN is doing stupid shit like in this fml.
#183 - On 11/29/2009 at 6:20am by kisseshugsdrugs
cutting his head wont work. stake him or leave him out in sunlight for a really long time so he can sparkle himself to death.
#211 - On 11/29/2009 at 10:01pm by Airesuhana
thats actually how one would kill a vampire. plus, cutting off edward cullens head would be funny :]
#225 - On 11/30/2009 at 4:42am by kisseshugsdrugs
F-ing Twilight...
Really, Vampires who SPARKLE!? They gotta be gay... why did Stephanie Meyers come up with Gay Vampires?
#152 - On 11/29/2009 at 12:00am by maverick1031
She's one of those idiot writers who should have stuck with writing fanfiction. She thinks because vampires are 'fictional', it's fair game to mess with the 'facts' about them.
Um, that's EXACTLY why she changed the "facts". Because they're FICTIONAL. Meaning that there are no set "rules" for them.
Also, why is is that the only thing people complain about is that they sparkle? Time to get a new angle, people. :]
Your wife sounds like a "twilight mom". Crazy bitches I swear. Damn that Stephenie M. When she invited the goddamn twinkle fairy vampires.
#160 - On 11/29/2009 at 12:16am by cheapsheep
Well as long as you're getting laid and your friends don't see it, I wouldn't mind. I know lots of ladies who would love a guy that even just acted like him.
...Did you?
EDWARD CULLEN CAN SUCK CHRIS CROCKERS BALLZ WHILE BEING RAPED IN THE ASS BY JEFFREE STAR.
#163 - On 11/29/2009 at 12:34am by i_is_a_tr00l
Whoever commented YDI for no reason or because they are fans of Twilight, your all a bunch of douchebags. OP, your wife's a rotten bitch. What kind of adult is as big a fan as teenage girls!?!
#167 - On 11/29/2009 at 1:53am by pattheaninal
bahahahahhahahaaaaaaaaahaahahaaaa that seriously made me laugh for about twenty minutes ! ahahaahahaahaaa WOW
#169 - On 11/29/2009 at 2:01am by beepbeepbeep829
If you want to make your wife happy, you should play along. I'd say cutting her brakes is a good place to start.
1. Apply glitter on all of your skin.
2. Become sadistic.
3. ????
4. PROFIT!!!!11!!!!one!1!eleven!!!!
Actually, I consider Twilight to be a bad influence.
1. Don't drink blood.
2. Live in the forest.
3. Sparkle.
That sounds more like faeries than vampires.
as soon as i read the word "glitter" i knew this was going to be another twilight-related post.
goddammit.
#177 - On 11/29/2009 at 3:38am by portablecupid
My comment on todays music and botdf in particular: ( about some vid of blood on the i dont give a fuck floor)
Omfg i have not heard such shit since britney started singing. For shizzle dizzle i need a pickle? Catchy???! fuck off all u little cunts this stuff is not only bad, its embarassing to be white and a teenager right now. I cant tell whether i hate this or twilight more. Whats with the fucking style today too, the entire ensemble makes me want to drown in my own puke. At least then i wouldnt have to hear the 15 seconds of this music video i listened to, because i couldnt listen to the whole song! No, i dont cut myself.
#182 - On 11/29/2009 at 5:14am by Mustardnight
and then when you went to the toilet you found out she also covered your wang in glitter. Now it is an unspoken rule not to check out another guys package when standing at the trough but the light was reflecting off it into my eye dude.
Twilight destroys lives.
when i first read the book i thought it was pretty cool but now everyone is so obsessed
Sorry OP, for having a psyho as a wife...FYL
#189 - On 11/29/2009 at 10:25am by happykiddo20
What you do with these ridiculous Twilight Fans whether they be 14 or 40. You get a massive sack, throw them all in the sack, and beat them with a big stick, not really caring who gets the worst end of the stick. Twilight movies = vomit on the screen, book = meh
I posted this at my facebook status giving it the best FML of all time, i cant tell you how many people have commented on it, and how many more will probably comment on it! it totally made my day too!
Tell u what to do
put the glitter back .. guess what she's thinking - get ur wildest guesses - and tell her that u can read her mind
That should drive the f* out of her head ....
oO
-
It's not so much that your wife is completely retarded. I think she's trying to turn you into a homo.
why are the people on this site so nasty to eachother, o yea bc youre too much of a pussy to fight people in person so you go on websites and make fun of other people so you can feel better about urself, pathetic
#202 - On 11/29/2009 at 7:15pm by chefky14
BAHAHAHAHA yea maybe true of some... but you commented and made fun of them so your right there with them.... but yea arguing online is dumb... but stating opinions about stuff isnt.... and 'being mean' to ppl online is the only way ppl can say what they want anymore b/c the world has gotten so sensitive that any comment is person is deemed 'racist' or 'sexist' or w/e. its stupid people need to just get over themselves.
#239 - On 11/30/2009 at 11:49pm by SkinnyWALLrus
Fuck Twilight.
Fuck New Moon.
Fuck Eclipse.
Fuck Breaking Dawn.
#203 - On 11/29/2009 at 7:58pm by kimberlymhm
That's assume......I'm still laughing!!!!
What dose she do to you on April Fool's Day???
#209 - On 11/29/2009 at 9:40pm by sarcasmic78
YDI for marrying someone thats obsessed with twilight
#210 - On 11/29/2009 at 9:40pm by hayyitsemlayy
that's honestly really pathetic. some of these fans are doing the dumbest shit. edward in the movie is beyond ugly, awkward, and comes across like a rapist. He looks like a peice of shit. Robert Pattersomething is a horrible actor, period. the movies suck so much.
#214 - On 11/29/2009 at 11:50pm by drops_of_Jupiter
Jeez, everyone is taking this so seriously. Hopefully she was joking around, in which case, laugh about it. If she really wants you to sparkle (and I'm not thinking she does) you and she might need to sit down and have a talk about her obsession.
#215 - On 11/29/2009 at 11:54pm by synchroskater
I read the books and seen the movies but I would never in a million years do anything to that extent. Turning a fiction book into part of your life style is weird...
#217 - On 11/30/2009 at 12:55am by cake_deco8er
Oh my I hope somehow she will get over this. Twilight is an extremely creepy book and women who enjoy it are ok but that iss to far. Becareful dont let her name your child Renesmee and watch out she might cheat on you for a guy named Edward.
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um # 219 ur gay for thinking Edward is he's more of a man then u! and I agree with the lady she's totaly right for putting glitter in u so u look like Edward
#220 - On 11/30/2009 at 2:00am by Megantilby
#220.. WHAT THE HELL??? hes not even real so theres no way he can be more of a man than any REAL male person. you have issues and need psychiatric help.... right for putting glitter on him so he looks like edward???.... are you by any chance single??
#238 - On 11/30/2009 at 11:44pm by SkinnyWALLrus
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I'm in love with twilight so every one that says it's stupid? FUCK YOU TO HELL FOOREVER!!!!!
#221 - On 11/30/2009 at 2:03am by Megantilby
If I were you, I would run. Far, far away. Your wife has gone past the point of insanity, get away while you can.
#222 - On 11/30/2009 at 2:04am by CoffeeCovered
Wow, FYL for having to go through that, but YDI for marrying a Twi-tard.
The Cullens aren't vampires, they're just blood-sucking pixies.
#227 - On 11/30/2009 at 12:28pm by NrthrnLghts
Who's Edward? and what's Twilight? Is that like a new tv show?
#231 - On 11/30/2009 at 5:21pm by stolencrackers
and rightfully so. WHO THE FUCK in their right mind would do something like this? this cult thats following twilight is getting more and more annoying every day.
#233 - On 11/30/2009 at 10:13pm by kisseshugsdrugs
Your wife is probably one of the best people on this planet that's so amazing who doesn't love Edward Cullen? :D
#234 - On 11/30/2009 at 10:57pm by peytontaylorharl
uhh anyone who ISN'T a retarded 13 year old girl. god i fucking hate you people.
#235 - On 11/30/2009 at 11:10pm by whatthefuckcunt
wow..... shes fantasizing about another man.... and trying to make you more like him.... just like those romance novels twilight is chick porn
#236 - On 11/30/2009 at 11:33pm by SkinnyWALLrus
Drug your wife, then cut her open and drink some of her blood, then you'll be like Edward. Don't forget to suck a fat one
Everyone jumps to divorce for the answer... Wow, that's sad....
YDI for not having a sense of humor and the rest of the "Twilight Haters"
for not reading the book before posting garbage....
Sorry to disappoint you, but the grand majority of people who hate Twilight have valid reason. Like, they HAVE actually read the books, and genuinely dislike them.
Besides, I fail to find any humor in waking up to find that my wife wants me to act more like a fictional character by "sparkling" like he would. That's downright ridiculous.
I do agree, though, divorce isn't exactly necessary... yet.
dress her up as a pornstar when she's sleeping then say you look like that pornstar from big blowers slut edition lol
#252 - On 12/01/2009 at 11:24pm by icanfloat12
She covered your face in glitter. You cover her face with man glitter. White sticky man glitter.
BTW, if glitter gets into your eye, it can cut the retina & cause some serious bleeding. You'll need surgery to get it out. Happened to a kid in my first grade class back in dec 1988.
#257 - On 12/04/2009 at 3:12am by COBRAMORPH
Now you find a xenomorph and stick it in her stomach. When it ruptures her gut, say you wanted her to be more like Bella.
Or knock her up and, shortly after she gives birth, tell her your best friend is going to become its lover to make it more like the Renesmee/Jacob 'relationship'.
Or pour cooking oil on her when she's sunbathing and asleep and leave her out there. Say you wanted her to feel like a REAL vampire.
Or pretend you're really gay, saying 'Now I really AM like Edward!'
Joking aside, look on the bright side, you're married to a woman who's obviously up to indulging in fantasies and fetishes. Maybe set up some schedule, alternating fantasies. Oh, and you might want to tell her not to do things to you while you're asleep.
If you REALLY want to surprise her, look up a few romantic quotes from the series and drop one every now and then. Apparently the reason why women read Twilight is because they like to pretend their lovers actually say and do stuff like the characters, so sweep her off of her feet every now and then with a nice gesture. Who knows, maybe she'll actually stop reading the series when you prove real life is better than fiction.
And to break up the 'advice column' sound that this comment has, boingo boing whoopsy knickers. (+5 points to whoever gets the ref)
EW lol I fucking HATE twilight. Funny thing is i used to be obsessed with twilight 3 years ago before anyone knew wtf twilight was. Now when it became famous all of a sudden it just annoyed me that everyone talked about it all the time to the point where i wanted to smash my head in! Besides, after reading stephanie myers books I have come to find that she is NOT a good writer at all. The only good book she has ever written was twilight she should have kept it at that :)
#272 - On 01/12/2010 at 2:55pm by metro_mello
