Love: Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my...

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 158

You deserved it 6 974

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By chapstick - 09/01/2014 03:23 - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 888

You deserved it 13 690

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 262

By Anonymous - 21/06/2019 04:30

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 276

By miss tomato - 08/06/2012 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 496

You deserved it 5 666

By hopelessteej - 28/01/2013 13:55 - Australia - Sydney

Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 134

You deserved it 4 093

By titou - 05/01/2009 03:33 - France

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 723

You deserved it 32 627

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 531

You deserved it 5 360

By msnewyearseve - 01/01/2012 17:19 - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 33 116

By Raaar - 26/08/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 482

You deserved it 17 673

Cute but… TMI

By heytherexo - 05/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my 3 year-old son came to the bathroom and put on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterwards, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 953

You deserved it 93 459

aaaaa2p 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:02

Your wife sucks.

TheLoneWolf87 4

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:05

We seriously need a Who Gives A Damn About Twilight feature on FML.

Comments

Alldreeezy 3

Sunday 29 November 2009 4:44

omg I love your wife. you better hold on to that one. lol

Mattfail 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 4:49

133, your just as a dumb and should be lobotomized. Anyone whose that obsesed with writing that was done with crayons has issues. OP I feel bad for you for having to put up with such a moron of a wife.

Uniera 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 4:51

If she wants you to be more like Edward Cullen, go for it. Just include the creepiness, try to force her away from her friends, and act cold and abusive towards her.

Aha09 1

Sunday 29 November 2009 6:16

Exactly...that's the answer!

jazzlynne_raiyne 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 5:07

fyl...but thats hysterical... and people...there can be fans of twilight that arnt obsessed...or the people (who, like me!) liked twilight BEFORE it became popular, before it became a movie...ya know...if you get past the idiodic fangirls and assholes that rip on it...its actually a pretty good book...

abbbby 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 6:04

so true.

GoddessDigi 12

Sunday 29 November 2009 5:15

God, I agree. Probably 90% of the stories are fake, just because someone wants to get attention. FFS, if you hate Twilight so much, DON'T TALK ABOUT IT. Do you realize that most of the attention comes because people start it with negativity? Idiots.

SeximusPrime 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 5:21

Time for a divorce.

mizanonymous 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 5:28

This is why psychiatric evaluations should be a requirement before marriage! Oh and quick way to fix this... Replace all the food with animal blood then sit in the kitchen drinking fake blood and watch her freak the **** out!

Jackie_xD 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 5:47

WAT IS WRONG WITH UR FACE! ANIMAL BLOOD..REALLY..SHE WOULD DIE! YOH WANNA KILL PEOPLE IS THAT WAT YOH WANT ...*Points at yoh and says* KILLER OF HUMAINS! YA JERK actually, you wouldn't kill her, you'd just creep her out.... ALOT.

Luckster 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 5:45

Divorce...NOW! Fans that go THAT far are not going to change any time soon and their obsession will only get worse!

Jackie_xD 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 5:45

BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! i went on the computer just to comment on this. xD

kisseshugsdrugs 5

Sunday 29 November 2009 5:52

i want to tell every stupid twilight obsessed child that im going to cut off edwards head. stupid sparkling vampires and their idiot cult followers.

abbbby 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 6:06

your obviously either jealous, or have nothing else to do with your life than to make fun of other people. you know twilight is absolutely amazing, don't deny it.

kisseshugsdrugs 5

Sunday 29 November 2009 12:20

jealous? the book wasnt that great. bella is such a helpless twit i couldnt bear to even finish it. if you enjoy twilight enjoy it. but dont tell me its "amazing" because it isnt. and mostly im complaining about the idiot fans that think a cult needs to form over something so dumb and the fact that A GROWN WOMAN is doing stupid shit like in this fml.