intimacy

By Jack - 30/11/2013 08:31 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Spicy

Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 456

You deserved it 12 071

Late bloomer

By depressedboy - 02/02/2024 16:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, I came for the first time WAY after the normal age, which is like 11 to 13 (I’m 16) and not only that, but I learned I have to deal with medical conditions, because it was painful when I ejaculated. The first time I even had testicle retraction. I’m just like my goddamn dad with his problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 100

Cover me

By Mrmz07 - 01/05/2016 09:32 - United States - Midland

Spicy

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 621

You deserved it 1 577

By emergency - 25/01/2010 13:32 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 293

You deserved it 2 587

Get out of here

By Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 860

You deserved it 5 974

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 920

You deserved it 9 078

TMI

By Autumn - 18/12/2017 01:30

Spicy

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 313

You deserved it 414

By Anonymous - 24/07/2013 16:36 - United States - Anchorage

Spicy

Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peeing on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out and call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 334

You deserved it 6 537

Creepy customer

By Maddy - 16/03/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, I went to check why my eyelash lady never replied to my message from two days ago, asking about an appointment, only to see that I apparently accidentally sent her 15 picture messages of nudes I took for my fiancé. No wonder she didn’t reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 1 468

Earplugs, stat!

By Anonymous - 14/06/2021 06:00

Spicy

Today, my grandpa forgot that my aunt set up a baby monitor in his bedroom in case of a fall. I’m sitting in the living room with his wife - who is deaf - and I hear him moaning over the baby monitor. My grandfather was jerking off and forgot that someone could hear him. I wish I could forget too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 13:46

Spicy

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 081

You deserved it 4 046

By HOe HOe HOe - 02/11/2011 02:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 081

You deserved it 16 259

Nice try

By Patricia89 - 22/01/2022 22:59

Spicy

Today, I came home early from work and caught my husband cheating red-handed, in bed with the other woman. His reaction was, “I was just joking!” and asked the other woman what she was doing here, and asked her to leave. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 132

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 481

You deserved it 7 435

By Live Sweet - 25/04/2013 05:33

Spicy

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 622

You deserved it 14 759

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 17:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 842

You deserved it 5 560

By Inkabadger - 20/11/2009 18:41 - Canada

Spicy

Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 090

You deserved it 4 084

Everybody has a body

By PixiXOXO - 26/07/2012 18:07 - Denmark - Birker?d

Spicy

Today, I realised just how cripplingly self-conscious I am, when I couldn't even fantasise about having sex with a guy without feeling shy and insecure about my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 683

You deserved it 5 427

By today - 17/03/2010 06:12

Spicy

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 102

You deserved it 4 408

Testing testing

By frustrated - 01/06/2009 07:06 - Hong Kong

Spicy

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 131

You deserved it 5 932

By ohfuckwaffles - 29/01/2013 05:28 - United States - Bremerton

Spicy

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 666

You deserved it 23 433

ohfuckwaffles tells us more.

ohfuckwaffles 6

Wednesday 30 January 2013 4:58

OP here. Thanks for the support, everyone - I have told her, and, while she's definitely not into it, at least she doesn't plan to leave me over it. To those of you wondering whether I'm a transvestite, a crossdresser, a transexual, or transgendered - there are waaay too many of these names, and it's confusing. How about I explain it this way: I'm a girl on the inside, and I'm still attracted to girls (a lesbian, perhaps?). I don't mind my body, and I don't mind wearing men's clothes (heck, it's what I grew up with), but I'd like to see what more is out there... I've been hiding it and ignoring it and thinking I'm wrong for a long time, but my control is obviously slipping.

Caught

By Kiki - 28/04/2021 08:03 - Belgium

Spicy

Today, I was home alone while my family was on a trip for 3 days at the beach. I walked around naked and did stuff, thinking they wouldn't know. After a whole evening of doing stuff like that, I noticed a camera. They were filming it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 489

By joolsie - 13/04/2012 13:11 - United Kingdom - York

Spicy

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 284

You deserved it 32 016

Time out

By sadandmad - 20/01/2016 16:09 - United States - Bonita Springs

Spicy

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 141

You deserved it 2 924

ADHD brain

By Unknown - 18/10/2011 04:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple of seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 922

You deserved it 6 397

Common passion

By ShowerheadGirl - 09/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 165

You deserved it 25 227

Mood ruiner

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 836

You deserved it 1 297

By you - 30/10/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name isn't Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 769

You deserved it 79 152

By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 193

You deserved it 10 347

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Gamers Annoying Video games Kids Money Birthday Cute Weird Awkward Health Love Abuse Relatable Scams Social Media School Education Parents Anger issues Teenagers Family Relationship advice Capitalism Miscellaneous Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Geek Music Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 131

You deserved it 5 932

Today, I'm an ectomorph who struggles to gain, let alone maintain weight. Our politicians made food so much more expensive in the last three years, I can no longer afford a consistent amount of protein and to fill my fridge with vegetables. I can barely afford to make balanced meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 133

The Top

Today, realizing how poor I am, I decided to steal gas. The only place I was brave enough to steal from was my parents' lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 017

You deserved it 38 422

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 960

You deserved it 2 806

Today, my company published "return to work" procedures for when the pandemic stops. HQ is in Maryland, I live in Arizona. I have worked remotely for the last 8 years. My new boss didn't know this. He wants me to move back to Maryland or find another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 465

You deserved it 91

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 20 414

Today, I finished my internship working in a government lab. I got paid $4000 for the summer. I was talking to my cousin, who said that when he worked as a carnie last summer he made $8000. I get paid half as much for doing research as a carnie does for serving people sno-cones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 751

You deserved it 5 690

Today, as I started my car, I heard the most horrific sounds coming from the engine. When I lifted the hood I realized I'd found my son's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 574

You deserved it 4 590