Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (219208) - you totally deserved it (242780)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
The cartoon is awesome xD And I'm with #1059, pulling out is not a good method.
And if you think your life is fucked now, just think about how fucked it's going to be 9 months later :')
don't be a fool...wrap your tool. thats what grandpa always said.
#1066 - On 07/13/2009 at 4:40pm by Young_Sparta
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
Heeey guys!
Okay so I'm replying to the top comment so I'm at the top of the most commented post on FML :)
Anyway, to the OP, make the girl pull a Juno and put the kid out for adoption.... I guess... because that really sucks :(
#1071 - On 07/15/2009 at 3:27pm by ily_hun996
nothing you can do but wait
;/
if you dont have a condom then dont screw.
#1102 - On 08/08/2009 at 6:48am by FML_Add1cT
YDI for using the "pullout method" as birth control! And for sleeping with someone you "barely know". Idiot!
My strategy is after about six months, go out and buy yourself a ski mask and a pair of brass knuckles. The next day, call her and ask if she's going anywhere. If she says yes, you find out where and how long she'll be there. Go there and wait until you see her leave. Make sure that she's not with or around someone that looks like they can kick your ass. HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART. Put on the mask and brass knuckles. Creep up on her like the guy on the Splinter Cell games you play all the time, BUT MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T NOTICE YOU! When she gets to her car, you turn her around, and proceed to beat the living hell out of her. MAKE SURE THAT YOU FOCUS ON HER ABDOMEN AND STOMACH AREA. But add in a couple of face hits just so it doesn't look suspicious. Also grab her purse. Than run like a lynch mob is on your heels. Expect a call from her the next day explaining how she got mugged and that the doctor said the baby isn't going to make it. Splash some lemon juice in your face before you walk into her hospital room and break down about how much you wanted the baby and how sad you are. But try to hide your victorious smile for when you get home.*
*Biiiiizzzay is not responsible for any idiot that would actually take him seriously and get caught following these instructions.
#1109 - On 08/13/2009 at 10:54pm by biiiiizzzay
i know it would suck.
like DONT PULLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH.
i can imagine it
but who knows, she might not be PREGO!!
#1130 - On 08/31/2009 at 1:54am by hatelovesme
I think I read this story on crunkkings.com ... people are just ripping of each other!
#1143 - On 09/13/2009 at 3:20pm by TheRocket2500
even without a condom. get em all pregnant then run to china. let them be single moms? I think that's a good idea. anywaaay you shuda man handled her the slapped her with ur junk
I want to know if she got prego after doing this...
#1249 - On 02/05/2010 at 12:50pm by ShadowedHuman
that sucks. I would've said i was about to finish earlier to see what she would have done. But thats fucked up. Ill be watching to see the "Today, the girl i had drunken sex with a while ago who wrapped her legs around me told me she was pregnant. FML" Yeah, Il be waiting on one like that
#6 - On 03/10/2009 at 4:08am by skatingweasel
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
Hmm, the chance that she's actually pregnant is still pretty small. It just had to be the right time of the month and thats only 2 / 3 days a month.
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
are you retarded? you cannot get pregnant anytime. like above, there is about a 2-3 day window. why do you think women have to plan to get pregnant? if it was that easy, a lot more babies would be born
Actually, you can get pregnant at any time. It's easier to get pregnant those few days, which is why people plan, but a woman can get pregnant at any time.
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
Sure, the sperm cell will just get an egg and pull it into the womb.
#1009 - On 06/19/2009 at 5:28am by arienh4
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
You cannot get pregnant at any time, or on your period. The only way is if the sperm that entered your body while you were ON your period lived long enough to reach the egg when you were actually ovulating. Which is highly unlikely. Using absolutely no protection, there is only about a 20 percent chance that you can get pregnant. The pullout method can also work. There are new studies that have proved that pre ejaculation does not contain any sperm, only if it's been in there from the last time you actually ejaculated.
#1013 - On 06/19/2009 at 1:36pm by guitargirlae
Well I guess the internet just taught me that the degree I hold and all those college courses I took that said you can get pregnant any time of the month are just wrong then. And the text I'm holding right now that says you can get pregnant at any time. Yep. Mr. Internet, you taught me something today.
Yes, the internet can teach you what a degree can't and one is that you can't get pregnant any time. Have you not heard about women who have a diary to check when they can get pregnant?
dr alven is right.
but again, its hard to get preggers on days when your not ovulating. Is that the word?
You can get pregnant at any time, those diarys are used purely to make the chance greater. Jesus, it's one of the first things you ever learn in sex education.
No. See, when you OVULATE is when the egg passes into the tubes, and if sperm connects with the egg, then you get pregnant. But the egg is only alive for 1-2 days, max. Sperm lives in the womb for up to 3 days, as far as I know. So in order to get pregnant, you would have had to have sex during five-day window.
During your period is when the egg is expelled from the womb until another egg presents itself two weeks later. The sperm doesn't go through your tubes and into the holding place of all the eggs-- seriously. That textbook was clearly written by Opie, and you are even dumber than he is for believing it.
#1043 - On 06/27/2009 at 5:42am by onigiriqueen
Technically she's right...I see a lot of people commenting on how long sperm lives inside the human body. Technically a woman can get pregnant any time of the month IF the sperm lives long enough to fertilize the egg. The textbook you're reading or have read unfortunately might be out of date or their facts are flat out wrong (possibly why we have an on going problem of teenage pregnancies in the world). They are getting false information like you have read. Depending on the source I've seen books state sperm can live inside the human body for 3-5 days. I would imagine this depends on multiple factors such as vaginal pH, protection type, ect. When people cant get facts to line up correctly...just wear a condom.
#1051 - On 07/02/2009 at 9:54pm by iplayrugby18
now after reading this comment and the one adobe I'm scared of having a child of my own in the future... and i'm thinking that its too hard to get a woman knocked up... seriously you guys were too technically on your comments... no offenses... but they were also smart and I can see you researched first.... IMO this guy of the fml is so fucked up that I want to see a continuation of this fml like today, my son was born... he is alive because I had drunk and unprotected sex with his mom.... btw excuse me... my English it's a little bit rusty
#1113 - On 08/17/2009 at 9:10pm by rafaelaugusto94
fuck!!! it's like sex Ed back in fuckin elementary school all over again!
even if she's not ovulating, you can get her pregnant. u don't believe me? go out and try it, wait and see if the bitch doesn't get pregnant.
personal experience fuckin sux
#1234 - On 01/29/2010 at 6:17pm by stewie1744
wow that sux... yeah the pulling out method doesn't work.... I am now an aunt cuz my brother in law thought that it would....
hahaa
thats sucks
tthat should be a FML
"Today, i have to buy $300 worth of gifts for my nephew/niece because my brother trusted the pullout method.FML"
#1034 - On 06/21/2009 at 11:12pm by fredwillkill
My ex freaked me out like that. Called me to say she's making an echo today. Turned out she had a piece of glass in her knee... My mom nearly had a heart attack though.. FML
I have a niece thanks to the pill... It's not 100% either. OP is still at a risk.. and I agree.. FYL
Maybe you shouldn't have un-protected sex with strangers...
#15 - On 03/10/2009 at 4:41am by loveandzombies
just a hint...you can still get STD's from unprotected sex. Pregnancy isn't the only thing that can happen
#993 - On 06/18/2009 at 1:17pm by IrisPheonix
it's okay, if worst comes to worst there is always falcon paunch
#19 - On 03/10/2009 at 4:55am by whatwhat
I can't believe how many people clicked "I agree, your life is f***ed"! I mean, "she assured me that I could pull out"?! I'm sorry, but you've obviously never had proper sex education. "Pulling out" is NOT AT ALL an adequate birth control method. You should have left. You TOTALLY deserved that one. No sympathy for you.
#22 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:12am by liquidskyfire
Dumb and immature enough not to use a condom, you deserve all you get.
You better just pray she was on the pill or other contraceptive.
You know Planned Parenthood has gift certificates now...just a thought
#24 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:15am by shantoyamuchluv
wow, that is a crazy chick
did you not learn that you could have still gotten her pregnant even if you pulled out?
#25 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:26am by Yogirl1223
maybe she wanted you to marry her for citizenship..
that's really messed up though.
you shouldn't have believed her, especially from someone you barely knew.
yea u got owned! we have all played with fire before. hopefully she was just messing with you. I feel yr pain. C the gud side.
This is prolly the FML of the WEEK!!
#30 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:44am by Mikeymikey
You can always change your phone number, but I hope you didn't tell her your last name.
#32 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:57am by bigcrazymike
shes gonna end up screwing up some guys life down the road, that can promise. Having a child with a guy for the hell of it.
#33 - On 03/10/2009 at 6:06am by xtremelifter
I mean, on the one hand, you didn't wrap it up, which is dumb. But her keeping you in so you could get off inside her? That's some fucked up shit there.
#34 - On 03/10/2009 at 6:06am by djtelekinesis
Pulling out??? REALLY??? There's a word for people who rely on that method of contraception --> PARENTS!
Man that was dumb...I mean what she did was fucked up...but you still deserved it for being so dumb
#36 - On 03/10/2009 at 6:21am by Puolukka
Well, on the bright side. At least I'm not you. :D On an off note.. What kind of guy, who obviously sees himself in this kind of situation at.. i'd assume a party/club/whatever, doesn't bring a condom with him? F for failure D:
#37 - On 03/10/2009 at 6:21am by MasaMushia
Although considering that they were both drunk, I doubt this would happen, pulling out can actually be a legitimate form of contraception. When it's done *right* it actually has a pretty high rate of protection. Condoms and birth control don't always work one hundred percent, either. It's not fair to immediately say that pulling out never works.
damn, shes such a eff'd up bitch. But fyi there is this new thing called a CONDOM! get one...
#42 - On 03/10/2009 at 6:57am by jazminbliss
wow what a BITCH!!!! not gonna lie, i laughed out loud at this, but that sucks dude i'm sorry
never go without a condom though =\
#44 - On 03/10/2009 at 7:19am by rorygilmore07
idiot drunk sex is pointless, you don't even remember the feeling when your sober. you always regret it.
Pullin out works if you aren't about to climax, if you pull just to climax then yeah...it won't work. Or she could go nutso on you and well, guess you know that...
#46 - On 03/10/2009 at 7:35am by Liveanotherday
you do realize you can still get pregnant by anal sex right?
#995 - On 06/18/2009 at 4:37pm by damnthatsuck
lol you cannot get pregnant from anal sex! what are you an idiot?
#1021 - On 06/20/2009 at 10:28am by lol_ur_lif_is_fd
#1048, you have obviously never heard of the TRUE UTTER DETERMINATION a sperm has. It IS possible yo impregnate a woman from anal sex. The sperm gets out of the rectum, travels along a little passageway that seemingly connects the anus to the vagina, it enters the vagina, and boom, you have got yourself someone who shouldn't be aborted after all that (no pun intended) shit they went through.
And that's what you get for having unprotected sex with people you barely know.
I hope for your sake she isn't pregnant though.
#50 - On 03/10/2009 at 7:58am by hazz
Yeah, I was thinking the same as #12: that she's probably on the pill and wanted to freak you out. If not, then that sucks, but maybe it'll teach you not to have unprotected sex with strangers like a moron.
#51 - On 03/10/2009 at 8:04am by TheNameless
haha...#49, clear wrap???? hahahahha wow!!!! that would feel sooooo weird for the chick tho!
And dummie, dummie!!!! why would you go around without a condom in your pocket/wallet!? I always checked my guy friends' wallets just to mess with them!!! I am proud to say they all had condoms :D
And so did I...and I'm a chick!
#52 - On 03/10/2009 at 8:09am by curious_missy
hahahahah ohk... this is funny! but i am even more amazed that this girl "that u barely know" wanted u to be the father of her baby =)) thats funny and sooooooo screwed up :)) hahahah
#55 - On 03/10/2009 at 8:22am by ellykhoshkele
lol that sucks.. i dont understand why so many people made you deserve it?... i dont think you could've helpt it?
Uhhh? That is one hell of a girl right there.
#56 - the proper way would have been either to have sex with a condom or without. Most drunkards don't think about the risks of diseases either. The pull-out method is a fake and not so much of a 'method' per say..
They call people like you "Daddy."
Always, always, always, always, ALWAYS USE A CONDOM. It's not just the risk of pregnancy, there are also diseases and you CANNOT trust your partner's word when it comes to birth control. You just can't.
Good luck with the baby.
The girl was pregnant before she met you.
You just took the fall.
DNA is your only friend now.
#64 - On 03/10/2009 at 9:26am by WerewolfCustoms
If you were sterile, that would be an awesome joke to play on somebody.
I'm not sure #64's theory would hold up in a paternity suit or not. What she did could probably technically be considered rape.
#65 - On 03/10/2009 at 9:39am by vt_mruhlin
No, that's not considered rape... rape is when one of them doesn't consent to having sex. both parties in this case consented to have sex. what happened to him was a rish that does come with having sex. he could have choosen not to have sex without a condom... sucks what happened to him but it was his decision to go through with the sex, therefore it's not rape
I can babysit if you like. I'm way more responsible than you are, clearly. Just drop the baby off.
Because you're a dumbass, my rate is doubled though. Kthxbai!
#67 - On 03/10/2009 at 10:04am by LittleMissMack
Good Luck. Let us know how this turns out in a few weeks. :/
#70 - On 03/10/2009 at 11:04am by ChaosZirconia
I'll be seeing you on Jerry in about a year or so, I bet. Way to hang out with trashy whores. I hope you learned something here.
#71 - On 03/10/2009 at 11:04am by bigrederin
Yeah so I agree with someone above (I forget the comment number). That girl either IS pregnant, or WILL be pregnant eventually... so if she ever comes up to you... get a paternity test, just in case!
#78 - On 03/10/2009 at 11:41am by notsoperky
sorry man, but if you were sober enough to remember this, you can't use being drunk as an excuse for your stupidity.
Why in god's name have only two people mentioned STDs?! Let me spell it out for you. Honey, herpes is the gift that keeps on giving! For. The. Rest. Of. Your. Life. You could get hepatitis. Everyone knows jaundice is sexy. Of course, there's HIV/AIDS. 1 in 4 people has HPV, also incurable. That could give you recurring genital warts that you'll have to get frozen off repeatedly - or even more fun, you could spread HPV around, being the cause of cervical CANCER to your hookups. You can't get rid of ANY of those!!! Not to mention the other fun ones that you can get rid of: Scabies, Crabs, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, and Trichomonas.
Maybe she won't get pregnant, but without a doubt nothing you can do would ever stop the burning reminder of the herpes virus. Nothing.
#82 - On 03/10/2009 at 11:56am by tretregirl
Not to mention the STDs you need to keep an eye out for, seeing how some dont have any signs or symptoms for up to 6 months, now if she is pregnant, I feel terrible for that child, what with being cursed with two irresponsible parents.
WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT DUDE!
Hahaha, best FML i've seen in a loooong time. Whoever made the Falcon Punch comment, you're awesome.
#85 - On 03/10/2009 at 12:21pm by Misanthropist
Have none of you made a mistake and had unprotected drunk sex before and then regretted it? You all sound so holier than though to this poor kid.
Haha # 19 is awesome.
I gotta say this is hilarious, like really stupid on your part, but still. #83 also pretty cool :D
Wow. That's why pulling out isn't usually considered a contraceptive method. And #82 makes a fantastic point about STD risks. Basically, if you come out of this unscathed, consider yourself super lucky and don't pull that crap again (for your own sake)! :3
ahahaha seriously... favorite fml ever!
and I TOTALLY agree with #87
#93 - On 03/10/2009 at 12:44pm by simplethings7
@#9 - yes, there are 2,3 days where you are the MOST fertile and the MOST LIKELY to conceive, but in no uncertain terms are there only 2 or 3 days a month where you can get pregnant. The "red" zone is actually about 14 days from the start of your cycle (day 1). Those little buggers can survive up to 7 days (up to, not always).
And dude - you deserved a psycho chick - one night stand + no condom = NO SEX.
#94 - On 03/10/2009 at 1:05pm by MonkeySpeaks
#89: Actually, I've never gotten drunk so I've never made such a mistake. That doesn't make me "holier than thou" to the OP, however, it does mean that he made quite a few bad decisions.
Lesson learned?
NEVER have sex without protection.
or with a crazy lady.. LOL
#96 - On 03/10/2009 at 1:07pm by loveleafs16
@81 - errrr its the 21st century - abstinence doesn't work - look at Palins kid. :D
How about - if you dont want a kid and want to have sex - BE PROTECTED (wear a condom and i fyoure in a relationship make sure your girl is on BC if she can be)
#97 - On 03/10/2009 at 1:07pm by MonkeySpeaks
Well you dont know this girl so you should have been careful. What if she had an STD? But with the whole baby daddy I would run and run fast. And pray to god she doesnt get pregnant or contact you.
#98 - On 03/10/2009 at 1:10pm by hairband78
Idiot, you have the same risk of getting her pregnant whether or not you pull out. For the sake of the rest of society I hope you two idiots didnt procreate!
Also like many other people mentioned there are things worse than knocking a girl up....like life threatening STDs.
For Christ sakes, it's called DONT fuck her without a condom! Is it really that fucking difficult? If she gets preggers youre gonna have to pay child support. Is it worth it? I dont think so.
best FML ever!! that girl is hilarious..but sucks for you...
#106 - On 03/10/2009 at 1:36pm by dol567
Hahaha, "wrap it before you tap it". That's a good one.
All I have to say is...
"Now you fucked up! Now you fucked up! You have fucked up now! Now you you have FUCKED UP."
AND, you deserve it:
1. For fucking a complete stranger.
2. For trusting a complete stranger.
3. For not protecting yourself from a complete stranger.
And no, #89. I don't think I'm acting holier than thou. I'm pretty sure that if you've had unprotected, drunk sex with someone you've only known one afternoon, you're just being stupid. Or maybe you're just a complete slut (assuming the word applies to both males and females).
Learn from your mistakes, please.
#107 - On 03/10/2009 at 1:37pm by ChairmanMao
I just laughed really hard when i read this but it is not funny for you. You Kind of deserve this for not using a condom, not only for pregnancy purposes but because there are so many STD's floating around out there. She has got to be crazy if she did that to you, so you have no idea what she might have. Ouch, sorry!
#103, bringing a child to this world and all u can think about is the child support?!!? wow..............
how can u be so irresponsible? BOTH of the parties actually! if she does bring a child to this world, how sad would that be? to find out ur parents had sex while drunk and the father never wanted u and that they "barely knew" each other!!
#109 - On 03/10/2009 at 1:42pm by ellykhoshkele
You totally deserved it. Safe sex practice does not include "nervousness about getting someone pregnant".
#110 - On 03/10/2009 at 1:43pm by asdfqewr
Um... #9 you need to get your facts straight. The egg is able to be fertilized for 12 hrs. Sperm can live for up to four days and sometimes longer. They can be their four days before and still get her pregnant!
wow you poor guy, I honestly would have punched her in the face, stupid bitch!. lol any way if it makes you feel better its your choice weither or not you want to be there. normally if one of my guy friends came to be about this type of problem i'd tell him to grow a set of balls and man up. but you situation is sooo different and honestly you dont need to man up about this because it was clearly her fault and she put you in this position.
#112 - On 03/10/2009 at 1:56pm by itsbritttttxx
heres a fun fact for you, OP. Did you know that there are several (i forget how many, like over 20) different hypes of the herpes virus? one type only grows inside the vagina, making it impossible to see. she could have it and never know it.
stupidest thing you could have ever done with a stranger. stupidest thing she could have ever done with a stranger. your fault for f*cking her, her fault for being a crazy trash whore.
in the future, stick to classy ladies.
DNA test that shit up, if need be.
That is just a sick thing for her to pull but... your own fault for banging drunk chicks when you have no condom.
And for just being an overall dumbass.
Everyone who has commented here so far on fertility is wrong.
Period.
That said, you're an idiot. Wrap it up next time.
Also, #81: what kind of boring-assed life to you live? Jesus man, this is 2009. If you can't get laid, so be it, but don't make such foolish statements.
I'm gonna say you deserved this one. Having unprotected sex isn't smart in and of itself. But if you actually thought pulling out is an effective form of birth control, then you're just moronic.
YOU. DESERVED. THAT.
By the way, unprotected sex comes with other negative consequences besides pregnancy. And if she had unprotected sex with you, who else has she done it with. Seriously. Get. Checked. Out. Now.
#121 - On 03/10/2009 at 2:26pm by crazy_cat_lady
i just LOLed.
a) it doesn't work. you should know this.
b) what a crazy bitch.
agree, #123.
BEST. FML. EVER.
#125 - On 03/10/2009 at 2:39pm by dizzygirl06
well, you should have done it in the bum-bum, like lily allen says. you can't get pregnant from the bum-bum. or maybe you just shouldn't have had drunken sex.
id check for an std wow your a complete dumbass to not use a condom
#128 - On 03/10/2009 at 3:00pm by kgforthree
Bruh, why would you ever have unprotected sex with someone you don't know?! Forget getting her pregnant, thats one of the BEST case scenarios! Have you ever heard of AIDS? Herpes? Come on, man...
Do people not understand that there are worse things that could be the outcome of sex? Like um maybe death by AIDS or raging Herpes? SMH. And god will somehow grant you douche bags a kid.
Quick! Get a vasectomy and tell her you couldn't get her pregnant 'cause you were shooting blanks!
(Getting a vasectomy might be a good idea anyway, if you're going to continue these sorts of practices!)
#135 - On 03/10/2009 at 3:30pm by Memmy
I'm guessing this guy is from an abstinence only school, so he was taught that condoms increase the likelihood of pregnancy.
But dude, you really should press charges. She raped you.
idiot. ohhhh... idiot. you deserved that batshit lunatic girl.
whatever happened to horny teenage boys walking around with condoms in their wallets. if you wanna stick that dick somewhere and NOT GET AN STI AND NOT HAVE A BABY, be ready with a condom, or else you're not allowed to play. that's YOUR sperm that YOU PHYSICALLY PUT IN HER BODY. you can't make her give it up now, besides talking things out and hoping she understands... but hey, we all know she's crazy, so good luck with the talking.
Wow stupidity. but as a few people on here have said it seems this may have been her attempt at a joke, She is probably actually on the pill. For all those worried about stds he wasn't so why should, besides most people at least those who know they have stds would be unlikely to take a risk in spreading it on.
Pullout method doesn't work anyway.
Idiot.
Use goddamn condoms.
#139 - On 03/10/2009 at 3:43pm by FoundManyLemons
1. Pull-out doesnt work!
2. Thats one crazy ass girl
3. CONDOM?!
4. STDs?!
5. Have fun being a daddy.
#140 - On 03/10/2009 at 3:57pm by basketballbabee
just really hope that all you sperm die b4 they can get her pregnant ;)
#141 - On 03/10/2009 at 3:59pm by RavensRule97
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
OH MY GOD.
Whilst I feel sorry for you mate, that is LITERALLY the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Wow. You're on idiot on so many levels. Hopefully she doesn't get pregnant, because I don't think we need a child raised by you running around.
And to whoever said it: pulling out might work. Based on sheer dumb luck. There's no rhyme or reason to it, so it's NOT a reliable form of contraception. Why would you bank on that anyway with all the various forms of legitimate contraception around? Jeez.
#144 - On 03/10/2009 at 4:08pm by Minstrels
your life is the officially the most fucked on this site to date.
you failed epically.
and dont worry about preganancy caused by withdrawl think about the AIDS!
use a condom!
#145 - On 03/10/2009 at 4:09pm by TheAlxEnigma
You should never trust women with your birth control methods. Especially ones you don't know. That was a screw up on your behalf.
#146 - On 03/10/2009 at 4:13pm by Silhouette
Guys, he said he was drunk, and he may have been from an abstinence only school.
Just top show how easy it is to be ignorant about this stuff, somebody here claimed that you should keep a condom in your wallet, when one of the first things that sex ed teaches you about condoms is that your walle is the best place to keep a condom if you want it to break.
You know... just as a fun-fact, you release more sperm before you cum than after.
so haha.
#149 - On 03/10/2009 at 4:27pm by such_is_life
I think you were totally asking for it. You shouldn't be having random sex, much less without a condom. If you were worried about getting her pregnant than you should have not had sex with her or at least worn a condom.
As for your comment "I couldn't pull out in time"...Are you stupid? Not being able to pull out in time doesn't matter because "Pulling out" is NOT a real method of birth control. You may think that it will prevent you from getting someone pregnant but the reality is that some sperm is released before you ejaculate which defeats the whole purpose of pulling out...
A) You could still get her pregnant regardless if you "pulled out in time"
B) She's fucking crazy, ahaha.
clear wrap??!!! hahahahaahha there is no way you're serious! OowWwWWwww
#157 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:03pm by mastershake
1. You could still have gotten her pregnant.
2. She's fucking bonkers.
3. Don't get drunk and have sex.
4. You are dumb.
#158 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:15pm by _Elizabeth_
#149 is wrong, the precum contains a few sperm, but much more are released with ejaculation. Still, that's pretty fucked up, although it's what you get for having sex with a girl you hardly know. Get some standards for yourself.
Just so you people know, you can still get STD's and still get pregnant even if you use a condom. Actually most people either put on condoms wrong, or do stupid things like keep them in their wallet which they keep in their back pockets or other areas where it could be heated which increases the chances of it tearing or bursting.
#160 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:24pm by panthersprite
Two things, OP: 1. you said "Today, I had drunk sex". Did all this cockup happen during daylight?? If so, WTF MAN??? Save this ridiculosity for the nighttime wee hours like the rest of us!
2. Get a good job and keep it so when she has the baby you and your responsible parents can raise it way better than the type of girl this biotch is could. I say responsible parents because by not educating you about BASIC human medicinal facts surrounding sex and procreation, they are a part of this with you and should help bear some of the burden.
#161 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:34pm by Nickodemus
Either convince her to get an abortion or "accidentally" push her down a flight of steps.
#162 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:38pm by Monty_Python
Wow you're retarded. You got drunk and had sex with someone you barely knew, didn't use a condom, AND thought pulling out would work? I hope she does get pregnant just to teach you a lesson.
I can't believe how many people say this guy deserved that. If I were to say that about a rape victim who had dressed trashy and gone down a dark alley, you'd all be at my throat. Yeah, OP made a stupid decision, but he didn't deserve to be forced to ejaculate inside of the girl.
And for all you anti pull-out faggots, the pull-out method has a failure rate of 15-28% each year. This goes down to 4% when people do it correctly every time. That's 2% higher than the correct-use rate for condoms. The biggest risk here is STDs, stop spouting bullshit about how you'll get a girl pregnant 100% of the time.
#164 - On 03/10/2009 at 5:58pm by wienerwagon
YOU GOT THIS FROM GAIA ONLINE! I SAW THE POST FROM THERE!
#165 - On 03/10/2009 at 6:14pm by CathXPeters
her mouth cant get pregnant dude, just remember that
#167 - On 03/10/2009 at 6:35pm by thisshititfunny
Haha that's what you get for sleeping with random girls. Next time save yourself for the girl your going to marry.
#169 - On 03/10/2009 at 6:53pm by Ready_set_owned
With a plan like, that, I'd say she was in her "moment of heat" and wanted you bad. :/
Think with your upper head next time, and have fun with child support.
you know what they call people who dont use condoms?
PARENTS! its all your fault babe.
#171 - On 03/10/2009 at 7:07pm by OMGyoupeople
#164 and yes it IS his fault- he obviously knew better. you can NOT compare rape to being stupid. He made a decision to have sex without a condom. a girl walking down a dark alley no matter how slutty she looked does not deserve to be forced into having sex. HE was not forced, HE made the decision.
#172 - On 03/10/2009 at 7:10pm by OMGyoupeople
AHAHAHHAAHHAHAH # 19 why is every1 talking shit about the pullout method no its not 100% but its even in the little packet of other birth controls and shows that it does work.... just learn to get ur timing right... shit if u HAVE to pull out just pull a superman on that ho.. oh and # 169 who wants to sleep with only one girl??
HAHAHAHA stupid.
pull out doesn't work, haven't you heard of precum? it got my best friend pregnant so don't tell me it can't get you pregnant.
that's so fucking hilarious.
#175 - On 03/10/2009 at 7:35pm by audiogasmic
to paraphrase NotoriousMandog's comment from FML #9321:
"scream at the top of your lungs while rearing your whole body in preparations for a punch, 'FAAALCOOOON!' And as your make contact with her embryo enriched stomach finish the phrase, 'PAAWWWNCH!' As she's lying on the floor grab the copy of the sex tape you no-doubtingly made the night you conceived the child, that may or may not be alive depending on your ability Falcon Punch, and sell it online to make up some of the cost of this whole revenge expedition."
this might help you
Lol #164 agreed that pull out works at that rate if you only want to prevent pregnancy, but any girl up for unprotected sex on a one night stand should be like a fire alarm going off, she likely already has an STD from doing it before. If he was stupid enough to accept an STD as a PROBABLE consequence and still put it in he deserves anything that happens after that. Women aren't the only ones who need to be smart about how and who they go to bed with.
Actually, you should check if you really are the baby's dad when the baby is born, because I think there is a chance that she's already pregnant, but the dad bailed out, so she's just screwing you over instead.
Pulling out in time is a bummer anyways. Either be sure that she is on the pill or use a rubber. Always.
hahahahaha!!! oh my god!!! that's what you get for trying to get some chick your barely know. you got stuck with a fucking psycho!!!!
i honestly feel so sorry for you.
she might already be pregnant and just trying to screw you over, so make sure to do some kind of paternity test when the kid is born!
hahahaha.. oh my god...
Do you see her everyday, or know if she even remembers you?
It's possible she didn't get pregnant though.
Word of advice, for next time, don't sleep with someone you don't really know to well, as 183 said... you don't want to wind up with a "psycho" Lol.
And so, kids, this is why sex education is so important.
#185 - On 03/10/2009 at 8:24pm by whatsarahsaid
three wrong things you did bud.
1.) had sex with someone you barely know
2.) she was drunk
3.) you had sex w.out a condom
#186 - On 03/10/2009 at 8:24pm by mylifebelike
hahaha ow wow... i feel for you man.. I was in a situation very similar to yours only a month ago. I'm so glad my country legalised abortions quite some time ago. :o
I read that and burst out laughing.Thats the funniest thing I've heard all day.Thank you for that.
#189 - On 03/10/2009 at 8:47pm by willxbexfam00sx3
Wow that is one of the scariest things I've ever heard!!
#190 - On 03/10/2009 at 8:47pm by ThatsFuckeD
dude youre all pussies. everyone in college has sex with people they barely know who are drunk... Not everyone has sex with crazy girls who want to impregnate themselves by force.
Besides the possibility of pregnancy there is also the chance of STD's. You were an idiot, plain and simple. I hope she isn't pregnant just for the kid's sake.
sigh....this is where stupid conservative abstinence-only education gets america....more sperm is secreted in pre-cum than actual ejaculate even if you do pull out...start shopping for cribs
hahaha oh my god I laughed but then I was like what the fuckk !?
use condoms when having random sex .
hahahahahahhaahahhaha. wowwww. she's insane.
seriously, FYL.
#198 - On 03/10/2009 at 10:06pm by leighzzy09
1) Pulling out DOES work, IF you are not in the process of climaxing. Of course, the closer you get to climax, the less likely it is to work.
2) Yes, she may have just been trying to mess with you, but she may also be one of those crazy bitches who sees their kids as nothing but a paycheck. You're f*cked. I had a chick pull this same sh*t with me a while ago. Your best move is to not give her any thought at all, don't let her ruin your life, but also realize you're going to have to come to grips with the consequences of your actions. And DON'T let her tell you it's all your fault....it took the both of you.
#200 - On 03/10/2009 at 10:10pm by segascream
this completed my day.
i mean i was having a shitty day and to cheer myself up im logged on
to fml and as soon as i read this i couldn't stop laughing.
"be my baby daddy!"
hahahaha
dude! thats why you dont have sex with strangers, they might turn out to be crazy
people whose soul purpose to get you to get them knocked up.
ALWAYS wear a condom.
hahaha..be my baby daddy...priceless
Yeah, that would be why we don't have drunken unprotected sex with strangers.
By the way, "pulling out" wouldn't have worked anyway.
Welcome to fatherhood. Or 18 years of child support payments, either one.
#205 - On 03/10/2009 at 11:19pm by Nemephosis
did you have sex with the octomomcrazy? sounds like it
#206 - On 03/10/2009 at 11:33pm by BalenciagaBetch9
Getting her pregnant is that all you worry ‘bout. Pray to GOD that you did not get STD from her. You soooooooooo deserved this one for sure.
PS- I can’t believe this dumb comment received almost 50,000 votes.
best fml ive ever read
but i really do hope that everything works out (meaning that she's not pregnant)
if i was in your situation a guy kept me down, i would have kicked him off and slapped him in the face. lol
#208 - On 03/10/2009 at 11:38pm by flexi_dancer
A part of me thinks you deserved it for being such an idiot to believe that pulling out works!! But she's also an idiot and mildly crazy.
Epic fail, dude. You should've turned the tables and said something like "Don't worry, the AIDS will kill the baby."
Oh dude that's horrible. Hope to hell it didn't take... That chick sounds phsyco
#211 - On 03/11/2009 at 1:39am by Jack_Of_Spades
omg what a crazy b**** crushed up morning after pill in her smoothie ftw
#214 - On 03/11/2009 at 1:54am by shinigamikittys
This is definitely some girl he used to tease when he was younger and this is her revenge
#216 - On 03/11/2009 at 2:38am by Jessica1189
this makes my life. end of discussion. greatest fml i have ever seen and i feel like it's going to be incredibly hard to top it....just saying. fantastic. sucks to be you, but also, this is one of the greatest displays of Karma i have ever seen ever. go home with a strange drunk girl, you deserve to have her be a psycho. and i mean that in the kindest most loving way possible because again, this makes my life. thank you.
ROFLCOPTER OMG HAHAHAHAHHAAHHA
i just spent about 5 straight minutes laughing at this fml. best one by far.
solution: take a leaf out of ron burgundy's book and punch her in the ovaries.
#222 - On 03/11/2009 at 5:26am by formosababie
.... i think you need to watch this one doubt your the first of last to be a victim of hers.. and if you get a call saying guess what... you say you can go fuck yourself till i can see some paternity testing done. also i would check for some diseases.. she doesnt sound like a girl youd bring home to mom. hopefully she isnt preggo.. and if she is i hope its not yours.
Man but i bet you one thing! it prolly felt sooo good bustin inside that wet pumpum!!! lmfao... trust me my ex ex ex was on the pill so yea condomless sex is the best thing on earth. I mean condoms take away sensation, and look on the positive side, women have a higher chance of getting pregnant if they are ovulating, they only ovulate once a month i think for a week, and its hard to get pregnant, so i mean if worst comes to worst,,, then yea ur life is fucked ur gonna have to do a #19 or a coat hanger or get an abortion or face the consequences of that dumb btch and have a bastard child =/ unless u get married than ur life is even more fucked. im sorry for u yo
#225 - On 03/11/2009 at 10:50am by Trini_Psycho
Shit man, you're pissed and btw Pull Out doesn't work... P.E. : Even if you pull out a good 10 seconds before you "bust" she can still get pregnant... Safest way to make sure she isn't pregnant is to make her take le Morning-After pill...
But safer than that... Just put on a fucking condom man god knows what kind of diseases she's carrying.
Obviously someone here doesn't know about pre-jac. You're a moron for having sex with a girl and not wearing a condom. *Retard Voice* "Errrh, yeah, you can pull out, errhhh" Seriously, you shouldn't have posted this, because people are going to make fun of you until the day you die. Atleast you got your rocks off.
#228 - On 03/11/2009 at 3:14pm by rick_rolla
LMFAO. OMG. Jst hope and pray she doesn't come after you for support. hahahaaha
#233 - On 03/11/2009 at 3:59pm by asherlypants
hahahahaha thats why you should never go in without a helmet man
#235 - On 03/11/2009 at 5:31pm by giveup2021
althoughh.......you may have deserved it. thats what you get for having "drunk sex with a girl you barely know"!!! lucky for you she didn't cut off your balls to add to her collection!
#237 - On 03/11/2009 at 5:58pm by choppedNskrewed
Wonder if you could sue her to avoid paying child support. That sounds a lot like rape, assault, and unlawful imprisonment. Yes, I just suggested that someone kidnapped your penis.
http://pichaus.com/place-hide-fall-find-@8ad3a34b9c4038bd8281061e86708724/
#238 - On 03/11/2009 at 6:09pm by threecardmonty
Dude, you have no idea how one-night-stands work. First, you have her suck you off. Then you oblige her in some way not including intercourse. Then you fake not being able to get hard again. Then you leave, having enjoyed a blowjob.
You'd better hope it was just a sick joke. If it wasn't, you won't find sympathy from anyone except your fellow fools. If you don't wanna end up paying child support, keep it in your pants or always use a condom.
#242 - On 03/11/2009 at 7:58pm by excusemydust
dude, the pullout method never works. my old roommate tried that and has a 3 year old son.
and that totally sucks for you, but you did totally deserve it at the same time.
#243 - On 03/11/2009 at 8:13pm by Lazyninja420
LMMFAO! Oh @$#&, this FML is crazy intense... XD
I've been in that situation before, except me and the girl were sober. I got tested and I'm lucky I didn't get anything or get her pregnant. I won't do it ever again, but damn, if you manage to luck out like I did, all I can say is stay away from girls of the shiesty sort and bag it before you tag it. Next time, no glove, no love. Be more careful man!
#245 - On 03/11/2009 at 9:11pm by zeroprojekt
Oh my god
oh my devil
of my buddha
oh my allah
oh my zeus
FUCK YOUR LIFE
#247 - On 03/11/2009 at 10:27pm by TheOrpheus
hahaha. That kinda sucks, but honestly...I bet that girl was on the pill and just had some kinkyass fantasy...it might kinda ruin it for her if you are in on it- PLUS the fact that messing with some guy who actually thinks pulling out might work would be waayy too fun to pass up. And naturally, it feels better. I wouldn't worry too much.
wow that sucks. But that sounds like something this girl I know would do.
#250 - On 03/11/2009 at 11:48pm by magiclavalamp
You probably were going to be anyway... pulling out is not even effective. That's what you get SUCKAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just say that you have HIV or that you have a vasectomy.
Won't get your life back but at least you'll scare the shit out of her.
Get as far away from her as possible
Dont say your full name.
You never saw her
dont go to parties at all for the next x months and tell your friends not to give out your full name
She could sue you for child support, even though she sort of raped you.
Seriously, this thing could end up ruining your life.
From reddit:
Damn, something very similar happened to me once. The slight difference being that the girl was on top, i told her to get off when i was about to blow, instead she puhed down as hard as she could, wierd grin on her face, totally freaked me out. Some creative thinking got me out of it though. Shortly afterwards I told her that i had a rare blood condition, and the doctors told me that the medication i was on for it meant there was a 90% chance any child i fathered would be born severe mental and phisical disabilities. I informed her she was more then welcome to keep the child if she fell pregnant, but it was only fair that i let her know this fact, so as not to be an arsehole. Never saw her again, found out from friends that she got the morning after pill the very next day. Close call.
AHAHAHAAHAHAHAA. #17 made me piss my pants laughing.
But you deserved that one, kid. Don't have unprotected sex with strangers. Or any kind of sex with strangers.... You're lucky she didn't have some kind of STD.
#256 - On 03/12/2009 at 4:01am by AnnStarfire
Uhh... she could've have an STD. Pulling out is not 100% effective.
#257 - On 03/12/2009 at 4:30am by maiden_girl
hahaha dude. there's this great group of ppl called friends, and when u dont have a condom it always works to ask one of them ;)
here's another tip: stay away from crazy bitches ;)
#261 - On 03/12/2009 at 12:16pm by newguy90
Oh my god. Sorry to hear that dude. I hope she was drunk enough that she doesn't remember what your name is/what you look like.
Ok. So I'm utterly astonished to hear all you people rant about pregnancy, and occasionally STD, saying wrap it, wrap it, you're an idiot... Yes, this is very true. BUT you all fail to realize that there is a large amount of the general population that cannot actually use condoms, and I don't mean JUST the latex ones. I know this from personal experience. I am allergic to latex, and I am also allergic to an ingredient in all the birth control pills, injections, etc. But I can tell you one thing, that I have come to learn that executed correctly, the pullout method does in fact work. I'm 20, and been active for a number of years... I've never been pregnant, nor had an STI. Then again, I've never had random drunken sex with a stranger. That you're an idiot for.
Its just baffling...
#263 - On 03/12/2009 at 2:32pm by moshpitgirl
Both #'s 40 & 46 are complete jackasses. Semen is carried in the pre-ejaculatory fluid, some of which leaks out as soon as a man has an erection. It continues to leak out during sex all the way up to the point at which the man ejaculates. In fact some men (rarely) have been shown to have a more potent load (pardon the pun) of semen in their pre-ejac fluid than in the actual mix of semen that they ejaculate.
The bottom line is, you can DEFINITELY get a girl pregnant by using the pull out method. In fact, you can get her pregnant even if you don't ever ejaculate (whether inside or out). To compare the pullout method to the efficacy of a condom is total foolishness. And if you believe that it's (the pullout method) almost as effective, you deserve to get your equally stupid sexual partner pregnant.
And don't even get me started on the STD's that the OP could have contracted.
OP: You are either a fool or overly trusting, or both. Drunk unprotected sex = daddy, GonnaHerpaSyphy, or all of the above. Sorry man, but you deserve what comes to you.
#40 and #265 are clearly the only two educated individuals here.
#266, what are you getting at?
1. It is true that most men emit a certain liquid (known as pre-ejaculatory fluid) after an erection ONCE to lubricate the tip of the penis to avoid friction when penetrating the vagina.
2. The semen that is expelled most commonly DOES NOT contain sperm cells capable of ovulating an egg.
3. Stop using words like "definitely" because if I were to say you can definitely never get pregnant if you use a condom, I'd be wrong. It's now what you use, it's HOW you use it.
4. Condoms can have microscopic holes in them and when you ejaculate inside your partner, sperm (Semen is produced in the testicles you jackass), can leak through but again, if you notice this after ejaculation and get PLAN B, you'll be fine.
5. Most responsible people don't go around sleeping with others, so to most people, STD's are not an issue.
I even asked my doctor once about what he thought about the pull-out method and he advised me not to try it on a daily basis but he assured me it is quite effective when done properly.
NO, you don't wait 5 seconds until climax to pull-out.
NO, you don't ejaculate in your partner.
NO! To ovulate an egg, at least one sperm must reach an egg.
#267 - On 03/12/2009 at 5:12pm by dragon2009
267: "Most responsible people don't go around sleeping with others, so to most people, STD's are not an issue."
Except they WERE sleeping with people, and STD's ARE an issue. Wow, have you never taken a Health Ed class??
I know a bunch of people have already said this, but who the hell still trys to pull out - it doesn't work, no mater what #267 says. This is why schools need to have proper sex ed programs, otherwise, people become adults and develop stupid sex habits.
#269 - On 03/12/2009 at 8:05pm by speed_of_stupid
#267-
1) It is released once and then can take up to 15 minutes for the entire secretion to exit the penis over time.
2) "Most commonly" doesn't matter if you aren't in the "most common" group, it's still a stupid risk.
3) Learn to read modifiers. I didn't say definitely WILL, I said definitely CAN. And your analogy about condoms there serves no other purpose than to imply that I said condoms were infallible, which I did not. I only argued their efficacy versus the pullout method.
4) This is all true, however, the overall efficacy of condoms versus pullout method would serve as excellent testament to how often leaks through potential holes occur.
5) We clearly aren't talking about responsible people here. This argument is moot.
What I'm "getting at" is imploring the people reading this website not to listen to bad advice.
Yes using the pullout method can sometimes be effective, and yes using a condom can sometimes be ineffective. However, the chance of a pregnancy occurring during correct use of a condom is half the chance of a pregnancy during the correct use of the pullout method. It's also important to note that the chances of pregnancy during the incorrect use of either method skyrocket. Although pregnancies as a result of the incorrect use of the pullout method are still nearly double that of the incorrect use of a condom.
What I'm saying is that condoms are a free handout from planned parenthood. There is virtually no excuse (with the exception of medical allergies etc.) not to be using a condom if you are going to be having casual sex. Regular sex in a committed relationship where both partners are prepared (or as prepared as you can be) to take responsibility for the child (whatever option you choose be it raising, adoption or abortion) is an entirely different story.
However in this particular instance the OP was having casual sex with a stranger. While that may be fun, responsible it is not. Therefore any arguments of responsibility go out the window. The fact remains that you have a substantially reduced chance of catching an STD or getting someone pregnant if you just use a condom.
Yes you can still get pregnant if you are wearing a condom. Yes you can still get an STD if you are using a condom. However the chances of either thing happening are considerably lower in comparison to the same thing happening during the use of the pullout method.
Condoms are proven through years of statistics to be a better method of birth control. If you can get them for free why not use them? If you can't get them for free, they don't cost that much. If the pullout method is the ONLY option you have, then it's better than nothing. But don't fool yourself into thinking it is better than using a condom.
#270,
I completely agree with the reliability of condoms versus the reliability of the pull-out method. I was simply arguing that the probability of an unplanned pregnancy was significantly low when using the pull-out method due to many factors.
If you could provide a source for your information about "pre-ejuculatory fluid" I would be more than happy to read up on it because I've found numerous controversial articles regarding it.
Speaking from experience, I never got into the habit of "casual sex" or "one-night stands". Having a sexual relation to me with someone means being committed, trusting your partner to the fullest extent and of course, being responsible to the best of your abilities.
I've understood that urinating before the act of ejaculation almost nullifies all active sperm that are contained in the pre-ejaculatory fluid, whilst ejaculating consecutively raises the number of active sperm.
Also, I never wait, not even remotely close to 5 minutes before ejaculation inside my partner nor do I not use a condom. I know it might sound strange and it's probably in my head, but I cannot compare the physical or even mental feeling of using a condom versus not using one. I do put on a condom after a minute or two and of course there's always the thought of ("Oh my god, will something happen?"), as is usually the case with any contraceptive measure.
This is the reason why I can never raise an STD question because from self-experience I've never been remotely vulnerable to an STD.
This might be off-topic but I still find this debate quite constructive and educational. If you can provide a source for your information, I'd be glad to broaden my knowledge on the pull-out method. It's too bad Sexual Education classes are not available in High-School, nor do people talk about the Pros/Cons about contraceptive methods properly.
#271 - On 03/12/2009 at 8:59pm by dragon2009
HAHAHAHAHA this made my day
maybe she was trying to talk dirty to you in a really f**ked up way
either way, you should meet my friend condom.
hes pretty reliable
#274 - On 03/13/2009 at 12:12am by mothafucka
hey for all the people who say pulling out doesnt work, what the hey? technically there is an 80% effectiveness to pulling out.
true enough, it wasnt the best idea anyway, but when you're drunk and want to get laid, pulling out sounds like a fucking genius idea.
as far as the girl goes, her actions were malicious in intent. you can't really get by saying "this is you're fault for playing favorable odds before getting f***ed over by some crazy bitch".
if that argument flies then just take it one step further to "girls who dress slutty and then get raped got raped because they dressed slutty, they just asked for it"
#276 - On 03/13/2009 at 2:47am by justAnother
#40 that is just stupid. Pulling out is in no way "a legitimate form of contraception". Even precum contains sperm. Not a much as the ejaculate when you actually reach climax, but precum can get women pregnant. To say that pulling out is a form of contraception is just ignorant...
haha... silly dickhead... you can't get a girl pregnant if you do her up the butt. You are 100% safe.
its alright....leave her for 2 months then just punch her in the stomach.....problem solved!!!
#282 - On 03/13/2009 at 9:30am by Buzz
To everyone who is convinced that the pull out method doesn't work:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method-4218.htm
According to PP, as long as you do it right, you're pretty fuckin' safe. Bitch was crazy, your life is fucked. End of story.
#285 - On 03/13/2009 at 12:26pm by fullofawesome
Oh, and semen is only in pre-ejaculatory fluid if you've already orgasmed that day. Taking a piss gets rid of all of it.
#286 - On 03/13/2009 at 12:30pm by fullofawesome
EDIT: Just read the last 2 comments, so I acknowledge this might be wrong. But I like my theory and am posting anyways.
Pullout is the worst method. Your precum gets out anyway. And with so little competition, the dumbest, laziest sperm can make it to the egg - even if it takes 5 days to break the wall. If you're going without a jacket, you'd better give her the full blast. You'll have a much better chance at happiness as a father.
BTW - one of those "addicted to mothering" types pulled that shit on me as well, but I broke loose. Apparently not an uncommon thing.
dude i don't care what Planned Parenthood says, I don't trust pulling out as a method of birth control.
#289 - On 03/13/2009 at 6:33pm by constamapation
For all of those who are trying to say that pulling out can be an effective method, please pass on the link to all this information backing up the effective use of the pull out method to me so that I may share it with my two best friends who had mastered the pull out method shortly before becoming twenty something fathers.
#290 - On 03/13/2009 at 7:14pm by scurry1101
Also, to the person that did post a link to Planned Parenthoods little page on what is officially called Withdrawal, this page states that this method should not be used by younger members of the male demorgraphic as they have less experience and less self control. Something tells me that a majority of the people making comments here, including the guy this happened to, aren't 30 something sexually experienced MEN. Having sex when you're a teenager and in your early twenties doesn't make you 'experienced.' It just means you managed to get your rocks off before you knew what you were doing.
#291 - On 03/13/2009 at 7:24pm by scurry1101
Wow
That is an epic fail.
Sorry to hear that, I agree your life if f***ed XD
#292 - On 03/13/2009 at 8:11pm by Shadesville
Well, if she's pregnant...it's the baby that's fucked...not you. The baby is the only innocent party in the whole mess or irresponsibility. And of course, the great laws of our country allow the mother to be custodian of the child, even if she's evil and crazy....
Get a goo lawyer and don't take her fucking bullshit!
#294 - On 03/13/2009 at 10:23pm by The_Samurai
bahahahha
hilarious
you kinda deserved it, though
i love crazy chicks
they keep the world interesting
#297 - On 03/14/2009 at 12:53am by AsianSensation
Who cares if she is pregnant. HE can choose whether to recognise the child. She can't. She will get the baby and the work. He can choose. She is fubar, she just don't know it yet. The saddest thing btw isn't std's or protection issues.
It is that this crazy women is going to FAIL at bringing up a not just-as-crazy-as-she child. And then all of us will have to pay the price when childcare takes it away.
#298 - On 03/14/2009 at 7:58am by asdtertrwttewt
I've had nightmares about something like this happening, but DAMN, I'd never heard of it for real. What a fucking nutcase!
i'm not sure who i feel worse for, the possible bastard child with a self-pitying and irresponsible piss-poor excuse for a role-model of a father, or the homely and overweight psychopath bar slag who couldn't make her life miserable enough as it was and therefore both drunkenly and arbitrarily chose you to be the bastard self-pitying and irresponsible piss-poor excuse for a role-model of a father for her child. and even if she doesn't get pregnant, there's still a good chance that you have some ungodly horrible std that you'll probably just pass off to some other random drunk, homely, and overweight bar slag with low self-esteem and poor morals. the sad thing is that studies have proven those are gradually becoming the only people who are procreating anymore. no offense or anything.
#300 - On 03/14/2009 at 12:39pm by generalnothing
What kind of moron goes around fucking girls without a condom in this day and age? I hope your dick falls off AND you have to pay child support for the next 18 years!
this actually makes me sick.
you might be able to press charges.
#303 - On 03/14/2009 at 5:30pm by ohwowthatsucks25
but then again, she may not have ended up getting pregnant. i hope not
#304 - On 03/14/2009 at 5:32pm by ohwowthatsucks25
You know Planned Parenthood has gift certificates now...just a thought
#24 - 03/10/2009 at 5:15am by shantoyamuchluv
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LMFAO!!
wow dumbest shit i ever heard why would u listen that dipsy chick
#306 - On 03/14/2009 at 6:06pm by KidKingKong
Don't have sex without a condom. Don't have drunk sex. Don't have sex with people before you have had a chance to determine whether on not they are absolutely fucking insane.
I hope she's not pregnant for the child's sake. I'd be willing to bet a fairly large sum of money that you already have some sort of STD and don't know it.
How long does it take to go to Walgreens and pick up some condoms? Seriously, people.
You deserved it, dumbass. She's a bitch, though, so falcon punch.
#308 - On 03/15/2009 at 12:41am by Gloeihdamae
Haha there's the morning after pill but ya that's fucked.
And HAHAH #92 and #105- Someone must listen to Dane Cook.
#311 - On 03/15/2009 at 1:45am by rawchelllll
#9, if a guy comes inside of you, there's definitely a pretty good chance you'll get pregnant despite what time of her cycle she's at, it's just a really high chance during those few days in the middle. There's no point in the cycle that makes you not able to get pregnant.
And #52, it's actually better for girls to carry condoms, not guys, because guys put them in their wallets, which creates heat and friction and makes then thinner, making them more susceptible to breaking. So good job carrying them
#74, that's probably the best method to go with. Lmfao
I don't know why..but this is my favorite FML. Be careful next time..what happened!!??
I wish the writers would respond >:(
lmao at # 314! You're fucked. Even if she doesn't get knocked up, you just might have won a great big bag of herpes, buddy! Wrap that shit up! :P
#316 - On 03/15/2009 at 7:24pm by Princesscrystal
That sucks, because that's a shitty thing for her to do. However, she could have had one of the things like my wife does, and it's a birth control inserted inside her, and she was just fucking with you.
However, at the same time, that's what you get.
#322 - On 03/15/2009 at 11:44pm by joshmutiny
HAHAH this is my favorite, i feel so bad for you man. I quote this all the time now with a friend.
#323 - On 03/16/2009 at 1:05am by hollisterhottiex
AHAHAHAHAH oh man
u know you precum so you probably already got her pregnant before that
#324 - On 03/16/2009 at 2:10am by im_super_serial
I'd also like to let you know that this is the greatest thing ever, and it made my day. Like lmao dude, this is effing hilarious. The deffinition of funny. FYL! But hey, Happy Father's Day man :P At least you're an FML legend now.
#326 - On 03/16/2009 at 2:24am by hollisterhottiex
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method-4218.htm
this is to every idiot posting on this page, don't talk about shit you have no idea about.
(essence of this link is that pulling out works.)
soo i'm loving the people that are saying this chick is a "psycho bitch". it takes two to screw. drunk or not they knew what they were doing. never trust a stranger... stranger danger buddy. if she does become preg (which i'm not saying she will) your life is pretty well screwed. its people like you two that make me sick. i hope you've learned your lesson and if anything does happen with her you need to stand up and be a man.
fuck yourself for having unprotected sex with somebody you didn't know. she's a bit nutty for wanting you, random guy, to father her child, but you were both complicit in the act.
#331 - On 03/16/2009 at 11:15am by misskrisha
Hahaha this actually made me laugh, that girls hilarious! Your an idiot for thinking pulling out is a good idea, but we've all had our idiotic drunk moments havent we?!?!
Something very similar happened to me, but she was a fail.
She wasn't fertile. FHL
#333 - On 03/16/2009 at 12:36pm by I_FD_MY_LIFE
Clear Wrap is like a giant condom for sandwiches and other assorted foods. Ergo, I really don't see the issue or problem. Plus when all else fails...... #19 has the best EC method ever. Falcon Punches are almost a guarantee.
LOL - this was by far one of the greatest FML's in the history of FML's.
well, you could get lucky and she won't be pregnant, although i doubt the veracity of this story... keep us posted :P
FML of the century. HAHAHAHA!
I really hope she was just playing around with ya, otherwise that is one crazy bitch......
Always wrap your tool fool!
#339 - On 03/16/2009 at 6:50pm by llSgtScopell
wowo dude... just wow............... i feel so sorry. No more drunk chicks, huh? hahaha
#340 - On 03/16/2009 at 10:31pm by SoberSucks
like we all know pulling out doesnt always work, but who cares right before you have drunk sex?
understandable.
but like that is so fucked up im at a lost for words.... fucking crazy hoe lol
i feel for you dude. Guess we all know whos gonna be carrying around a condom from now on haha
#341 - On 03/16/2009 at 11:12pm by soccerdemon31
then DON'T HAVE DRUNK SEX WITH A GIRL YOU BARELY KNOW.
:)
#342 - On 03/16/2009 at 11:52pm by shinychexmix
haha I think this is the best one I've read so far. thank you for posting. =)
#344 - On 03/17/2009 at 1:05am by jokerbaby21
Don't talk to her for two months then show up at her door with flowers. When she takes the flowers kick her with all your might in the stomach! WaaaaPow! That'll show her!!!!
#298.
You know what makes this even more funny?
The fact that if the guy does decide to be a daddy (be it choice or courts), the stupid bitch's life could be even more screwed when she gets forced to pay for the kid.
Birth Control Sabotage motherfuckers look it up.
I have one piece of advice for you:
Make her go on top. It leaves you with more energy to continue with your day, and the laws of gravity don't lie, man. Her on top means that it won't go into her... although it will make a nasty mess out of your man-region. What's worse, though, a five-minute struggle to clean yourself up, or an 18-year struggle to avoid paying child support?
I think you know the answer to that.
Dude, #354, you're a moron. Her being on top means NOTHING. Sperm are DESIGNED TO SWIM and they will do so upstream, just like salmon.
As far as the OP goes, he should've realized by now she's a socio who wants to get pregnant, have the baby, and sue for child support.
pulling out works if you do it like a minute and a half before you cum.
im lucky though, my gf never misses a day on her BC and she loves it when i cum in her.
no condom ever
he he allllllllllriiiiight.
# 345 is an idiot your right, i think you've been watching too much tv or sumthin, oh and i agree with #19, or you can always Chuck Norris kick her down the stairs
#359 - On 03/18/2009 at 5:05am by MrFunktastick
That is frickin funny...and hot...but scary, too. Haha, you get her number, or just leave and say, "Good luck with the DNA tests!"
LOL! #134!!
but as for the writer.... it's funny how 52% don't feel bad for you, that was pretty damn stupid.
like wtf did you say exactly?
"omg, i'm scared of getting youusudfa;lsdkj ahem... pregnant"
"youu can always pullout you know"
(please excuse the gayass extra letters, just trying to put emphasis on the fact that you were DRUNK)
really...
I can see why they don't feel for you.
#362 - On 03/18/2009 at 3:33pm by leighandnaomi
hahahaha man, if she does get pregnant, ask her nicely to stand at the top of a stairway with you, shortly after standing there putting on an act. push her down them
it would be suggested you run afterwards
dude i feel for you... i play with fire my share too.. but hey u can always disappear. u just met her, right? so fuck it just dip nd dont call her in the morning
i would have so been like see ya... not cus shes pregnant just cus she pulled some crazy stunt like that.
Everyone here assumes that this guy is a retard and didn't know the consequences of pulling out. Isn't it possible that he was just too drunk to realize withdrawal was a mistake? He could be a fucking sex ed teacher, but if he was drunk he could still make that bad decision.
hahahahahahhaha that like was funny. but at the same time WTF!!
#366 - On 03/18/2009 at 6:09pm by missmoo1214
Lol, dude. That sucks, but I laughed my butt off at the same time...
#367 - On 03/18/2009 at 8:28pm by doomfromheaven
Me and my boyfriend laugh about this all the time.
We almost role played it once haha
Im glad you posted this, and I dont think your an idiot.
I totally favorite'd this, even though it sucks big time for you. Bitches are crazy, cant even have a decent one night stand anymore haha .
#373 - On 03/19/2009 at 8:26am by Shownis182
Moral of this story: Dont have sex with Strangers without a Condom!! But really if it wasnt a baby it would have been an STD. Sorry though cause we all make mistakes, but this story made my day.
=)
women like that give the normal ones a bad rap. wow. i guess you learned your lesson...
#375 - On 03/19/2009 at 12:48pm by Neenertastic
if i wasnt such a nice guy, if that were to happen to me i would beat the living forgotten shit out of her unholy ass.
#377 - On 03/19/2009 at 1:59pm by amkoverboard
Hahaha, I have to say. Your one night stand getting pregnant is the least of the potential problems from hooking up with a stranger with a questionable sexual history. ;)
#380 - On 03/19/2009 at 4:41pm by Victoria2103
i agree u shouldnt be having unprotected sex with strangers, but... at the end i thnik the girl may actually be dumber than u xD
Ah well, I haven't been through that yet...and hope not to but that sucks. Made me laugh. But I'm also an asshole so yep
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA #363
that is the best comment you should have gone like into detail
but like if some crazy hoe ever tried pulling that shit on me, regardless to how nice i am, that bitch would get the everliving shit beaten out of her and id be gone the next morning, i would probly leave a note saying "be sure to remove the seven foot steel rod out of your god forsaken snatch you crazy bitch"
#384 - On 03/20/2009 at 12:10am by Genesishock
hahah you would have been her dad regardless
pulling out doesnt work.. for many reasons including pre-cum
#19 that's hilarious, and i'm totally a sick bastard for thinking that. but yeah, pull out does not work and you're royally screwed now
#391 - On 03/20/2009 at 5:57pm by sapphirebaby96
HAHAHA
My advice: always bring condoms wherever you go.
Except maybe to Church
#398 - On 03/22/2009 at 12:28pm by a_1_S_t_3_a_k
This is seriously my favorite one. I keep reading it over and over and over. I have been warned that if I ever jokingly do this, I will be killed. Hahahaha!
#400 - On 03/22/2009 at 4:13pm by quietjune
Wow. That chick is off her rocker. Good Luck man. All I can say is that I hope that ya'll bought the morning after pill.
#401 - On 03/22/2009 at 4:40pm by sardonicRuNt
Hey if she isn't that bad looking, you hooked her for life, not the other way around.
#402 - On 03/22/2009 at 4:56pm by donfearthereaper
dude that was eff'd up. i told my entire family and all my friends about this.
your a millsboro legend (:
#403 - On 03/22/2009 at 5:03pm by lizziebugg92
Yeah, you should Falcon Punch that girl. It's said to be a good abortion option.
#409 - On 03/22/2009 at 9:26pm by paulfalcon
WHAAAT??? holy shit dude...if i were you id hit up the nearest bus to the other side of the country and leave that crazy bitch behind
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
This really sucks for you but i find it super humerous, hahahahhahaha
I do hope things work out well for you :)
hahahahaa
#411 - On 03/22/2009 at 11:42pm by shelbyshipwreck
Oh my god LOL'd my bawls off at #19 FALCONN PAUUUNCHH!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHHA that girl is extremely desperate if that was legit. Jesus
#413 - On 03/23/2009 at 1:26am by chappstick
that was the funniest shit I have heard in a long time. What idiot doesn't know that pulling out doesn't work? But what that girl did is fucking insane, but I bet she was just fucking with you and is on some other method of contraception
lmao and thats what you effing get.. dont you know there is a world of crazies out there just waiting for the sucker who is gunna fuck them without a condom.. way to go
LMAO man, you totally must've been doing my friend, who shall only be known as KaktusAss...... thats how she concieved her kid!!!! You poor, stupid bugger. lolol. Hopefully you learned a lesson about drunken sex??
#421 - On 03/23/2009 at 10:47pm by VampireNeon
she must have been CRAZY DRUNK! she needs to know what she did once shes sober. wow what a low tolerance for alcohol.
#423 - On 03/24/2009 at 12:00am by chicagolover92
You fucking retard?
ARE YOU EVEN 18 YET? THE PULL OUT METHOD DOES NOT WORK!
#425 - On 03/24/2009 at 4:22am by masterpops
LOL I just had to laugh at u one more time. I would have knocked all of her teeth out and said get a blood test bitch...................... or in your case since ur nice I'd steal my baby move to some country faaaaaaaaaaaar awayand never come back. b/c after all it's not the babies fault that u talked 2 and fucked a stranger. & since u didn't wrap ur dick she decided to wrapp it for you...
AHAHAHA!
Ohhhhhh dayam.
Um...
I hope she doesn't get preggo for your sake, but isn't unprotected sex the best?
Just give her the morning after pill and you're good to go.
Then repeat.
@ anyone who said "LOLZ PULL OUT NO WORK" you're an ass
if she gets pregnant, marry her and commit to a life of severly traumatizing domestic violence. like, horror movie quality. like, deserves to go on Oprah level domestic violence. that's what a woman like that deserves. make her life hell.
OMG that is soooooooo funny but that sucks for u i hope shes not prego for your sake and she must be a really psycho to have done that!
#435 - On 03/25/2009 at 8:37pm by broadwaybabay
LOL HAHAHHAHAHA
I really hope this isn't real.
If it is, I'm extremely sorry for you!
#436 - On 03/26/2009 at 2:13am by RunZoneFive
hahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhahahahahha
lmaooooo
no seriously though, this better not be true!!
who does that!?!?!?!?
#438 - On 03/26/2009 at 4:47pm by yasemink
HAHAHAHAHA this is the funniest thing i have ever herd!
#439 - On 03/26/2009 at 7:55pm by f_my_lifeeee
Sorry to hear that, man.
I'll see you two on the Maury Povich show.
#442 - On 03/27/2009 at 1:11pm by jukeboxhero420
Haha I love it when this happends to stupid drunks and sluts, maybe they'll learn someday.
#444 - On 03/28/2009 at 2:25pm by HahahaThatsFunny
haha
man that sucks
maybe next time you'll wrap it up before you have sex with a stranger
or maybe you jus won't have sex with a stranger.
#449 - On 03/29/2009 at 11:13am by FMLover269
i guess you won't do that again, huh? (hope she's not preggers.)
#450 - On 03/29/2009 at 12:47pm by bloody_ignorance
HAHAHAA OMG THATS FUCKING HILARIOUS, this is by far one of my favourite FML'S. She sounds like a crazzzzy bitch, out of a movie!
I am so sorry, but what crazy lady says that...
Good luck with that one.
Hilarious though :P
x
#454 - On 03/30/2009 at 4:40am by clairyfairy171
that is fucked up. I am so sorry. I mean childern are great but not that way. she is a hore and a bitch. I would be so mad and I would tell her parents
#457 - On 03/30/2009 at 7:24pm by twilightgirl21
#327... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
This is by FAR my favorite FML of all time.
#461 - On 03/30/2009 at 11:33pm by CrissxCross
Haha dude that fucking sucks! What a bitch move by that girl. But FYI you were fucked either way pulling out doesn't mean anything. You always dribble before you shoot. Use a condom next time or don't have sex at all.
i keep rereading the comments on this nd i cant help but be disappointed at the people that are all like "ur so stupid for not wrapping ur tool" or "pulling out doesnt work".. i mean who are u to turn down a chance to pipe unless ur sure shes got the monster
dude ur a guy.. as guys, we have a duty to fuck anything that moves (once u hit marriage its a diff story but until then..) unless you're all conservative nd saving urself for marriage (which personally i don't get but hey to each their own.. enjoy having wet dreams till ur 30). so kudos for nailing her, drunk or not.. nd about wearing a rubber, i would say you should have but then id be a hypocrite. i've probably worn one... what.. 7 or 8 times.. im not saying dont wear one, but im not gona shit on you for not doing it.
cross ur fingers and hope she wasnt ovulating.
when all else fails, shoryuken that bitch
ahaha!
I know that's mean, but wow, dude, she must have been crazy.
#466 - On 03/31/2009 at 4:19pm by JessiLou777
damn dude that sucks.. i agree with #465.. cant harp on you too bad for not wrapping.. hopefully from this point on you'll have one on you all times haha..
and if all else fails keep getting her drunk, smoke around her like a chimney anything like that to fix this problem
#469 - On 04/01/2009 at 12:16am by coloradobound
FYI - the pull-out method doesn't even work because of these little things called the bulbourethral glands that release sperm before ejaculation. sorry.
#472 - On 04/01/2009 at 3:46am by QueenOfZeeGeeks
Dude. Hope you got it on video, since no court will ever beliee yo. Better save this window actually.
Take it easy, not every shot is a pregnancy. only a few days window of opportunity.
Does she know who you are?
BTW, you should always use a condom, especially during drunk sex with strangers!
Unprotected Sex + Complete Stranger + copious amounts of liquor + bad contraceptive method = You're screwed.
#478 - On 04/02/2009 at 7:12am by deliciouskaek
ahahahaha I'm so sure that this is a lie, but damn is it funny
#481 - On 04/02/2009 at 5:06pm by jerrycurls
IMO, this is the worst FML on this entire site. But still, THE STAIRCASE WAS INVENTED FOR A REASON. PUSH HER ASS DOWN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#483 - On 04/02/2009 at 8:09pm by Monty_Python
so there's this little thing called pre-ejaculation.
kind of important. look it up.
also - why would you ever want to be with a woman that seriously refers to you as "baby's daddy" -_-.
drunk or not.
f both your lives.
hahahaha....that is hilarious and f-ed up at the same time!
#487 - On 04/03/2009 at 1:17pm by wowthatscrazyy
LMAO! haha You probally woulda been screwed either way but ust imagining this is a great way to start or end my day. Thats mad funny! lol @ #19
#490 - On 04/04/2009 at 12:47am by angryFetus
You might be ok.... women can only get pregnant during a short ovulation period... and a lot of conceived fetuses spontaneously abort.
#494 - On 04/04/2009 at 8:11pm by squigglyshark
She might be fucking with you...and she is actually on the pill. If it was a one night stand I bet that was it.
#495 - On 04/04/2009 at 8:13pm by squigglyshark
Omg I don't care what other people say. I don't think thats your fault and I'm a chick. That's soo messed up. I'm sorry even though I laughed.
#500 - On 04/06/2009 at 1:44am by loserface88
Sucks to be you...and pulling out doesn't work. What if she becomes the next Octomom? Then you're screwed for life!
#501 - On 04/06/2009 at 2:46pm by torazio994
Pulling out doesn't always work, but if you do it right then you are all good... I'm sorry if she's preggo, but dang you deserve it for being such a tard.
#502 - On 04/06/2009 at 4:47pm by asian_waterdrop
I'm sorry, but this is freaking hilarious...I laughed for a good five minutes straight. That sucks that you hooked up with such a crazy woman. Maybe be a little more careful and come prepared next time? Haha...Hope she isn't pregnant for your sake.
#505 - On 04/07/2009 at 12:33am by TickettoRide
I do believe pull out method is somewhere around 70 percent failure rate to impregnate a woman. Not great odds, but ive risked it in the heat of passion with a girl i loved, not necessarily with a stranger though. Good luck bud.
Now post a fml about how badly you fucked up one drunken night and are now a father of triplets. Idiot.
lol. that must suck. this is my favorite fml though, so sad. u shoulda just used protection, no offense, but u wouldnt be in the situation of being a 'babies daddy' as the drunken girl put well.
#511 - On 04/08/2009 at 10:48pm by TheBrunetteDevil
ahaha that truly sucks.......but its fucking hilarious xD you definitely didnt deserve this lmao
#512 - On 04/08/2009 at 10:51pm by HAHA_13
RC and several commentators are the biggest idiots of this forum. Pull out is not a proper technique for contraception - so please stop debating on that. Even if it is a small chance of pregnancy, its still a chance. far greater than using a condom or birth control.
if she is pregnant ... that kid will have a fucked up life..
'Today I discovered that my mom forced my dad to get her pregnant. My father never wanted me. FML.'
#519 - On 04/10/2009 at 5:17am by Scoochie
#525; it is NEVER okay to hit a woman. I'd love to see you try and get thrown in jail.
and, seriously, you deserved it...for sleeping with someone you barely know.
that's just dumb, unsafe, and...idiotic. and especially someone you don't know without a condom.
hopefully you'll choose your partners better next time.
#526 - On 04/12/2009 at 4:39pm by PaperxHearts_xox
hoooooooooooooooly fuck ur fucked up man. lke wtf. you're fucked wowww. just wowwwwwww
#532 - On 04/13/2009 at 9:57pm by smileatmaggie
i dunno why everyone says it doesn't work... pulling out worked for me for MONTHS
#533 - On 04/14/2009 at 1:45pm by Freak_of_Death
As for #356, who called me an idiot for saying she should be on top:
That's what you call a joke. You see, as surprising as this may be, not everyone goes on here to offer sincere advice. Some of us go on here just to make fun of stupid people ;)
Who would genuinely suggest her being on top, exactly? :/
wow that hilariously fucked up
btw this fml is the only one i know that has the same amount of YDI and FYL
haha wow the girl has issues.. "be my baby's daddy"?....lmao.
#540 - On 04/16/2009 at 2:24am by playful2088
You had drunk sex with a girl you barely knew...
Even if pulling out was an effective method of birth control, haven't you ever heard of STDs?
#541 - On 04/16/2009 at 2:49am by fmylifeorfyours
#542: WHY THE FUCK WOULD IT BE MADE UP? THIS IS MONTHS AGO BEFORE THIS SITE GOT REALLY LAME.
SO STFU, YOU RUIN THINGS.
#537: who cares if you support darwin, who cares.
dudeeee, why would you have unprotected sex. whats up with that??????
for reall, HIV/AIDS, herpes, preggers.
come on all that shit can RUIN your life.
jack ass, YDI.
#543 - On 04/16/2009 at 2:06pm by ohhhhshizzz
That's what you get for having sex with no protection; however, the woman shouldn't have forced you stay inside.
#544 - On 04/16/2009 at 6:28pm by bluebunny289
I wouldn't freak out about it quite yet. It's possible that what she yelled was just part of her repertoire of dirty talk. Some people are really aroused by such things.
Omgsh, this is truly my favorite fml.
YDI but omgsh, a great laugh.
I posted this on myspace.
Feel special.
She's crazy, probably 16 yr old and her grandmother is 42.
The 80% effectiveness number is a fraud. Doing nothing is prolly 75% effective. Otherwise they'd all be pregnant.
And I would bet first timers pulling out are not 80% effective.
Planned Parenthood is a pseudo-political organization and prolly has to say stuff they don't want to to get their funding. Religious folk (and their politicians) promote pulling out and the rhythm method for various reasons to everyone else's peril.
OP: Bad move, but good luck.
That will teach you not to have unprotected sex with strangers, idiot.
#553 - On 04/17/2009 at 8:28pm by Sakura_Haruno
Okay, technically you might not have to worry about this. Unless you gave her any of your contact information you're fine because you might not ever see her again. Even if the crazy shows up demanding you be her baby's father, she has to prove biological paternaty, which you might be able to refute rather easily because it was a one night stand, and god knows how many unfortunate souls she's done this to. I wish you the best of luck in whatever happens you poor boy.
#554 - On 04/17/2009 at 8:49pm by mustlovemarvin
Hahaha...should've given her a strawberry shortcake
...Look it up on urban dictionary if you don't know what that is...it's gross but funny
#557 - On 04/18/2009 at 12:01am by willin2takeudown
That's HILARIOUS "got you for 18 years" - http://lifehasnoscript.blogspot.com
#558 - On 04/18/2009 at 1:19am by LifeHasNoScript
at least you got laid, and she probably goes down on multiple men a day to get pregnant. Chanches you are the dad (if she is pregnant) are small, chances of getting an std are way higher
#559 - On 04/18/2009 at 10:59am by AntiChrist7
did you try punching? holy crap. lol i usually try and give at least a 2 to 5 second warning of what im about to do... thats enough time to counter whatever she has planned... FYL
This is the most crazy situation that I think someone can get into but I think it's freaking HILARIOUS.....cause it's not happening to me. What were you thinking going on that narc. raid with no vest? I think it would have been a dead give away when she said, "I think we can make some cute babies"
lol! considering the fact that i'm 95% sure this didnt really happen. I thought this was hilarious anyways.
#567 - On 04/20/2009 at 2:18am by sameoldsameold
Ignore everyone else. That woman is crazy. No joke. I agree with drybamboo though. Slip her a Plan B pill. XD
haah sounds like redneck bitch u knw wat fk a betch dawg if she wanted u to be her baby's daddy fk her and leave a betch XP
i really wish we could get an update...to see if she actually got pregnant.
#573 - On 04/21/2009 at 1:16am by rorymo0424
A girl can only get pregnant two days out of the month, and even if it's on that day, chances are all your spuds will all die. So don't worry.
ahahahaha thats hilarious! u deserve that one shoulda wrapped it up! Watch out for an STD cuz u prolly have one now, not to mention a babyy on the way.
YDI, but it's still the most hilarioius hilarious thing ever.
#577 - On 04/21/2009 at 2:00pm by SonicSophie
wow shes a freak! but thats what u get for having drunk sex with a stranger!
#579 - On 04/21/2009 at 7:30pm by DanielleMazz
wow shes a freak! but thats what u get for having drunk sex with a stranger!
#580 - On 04/21/2009 at 7:30pm by DanielleMazz
As for the pulling out debate, if it's done in time, the only thing that can get the chick pregnant is pre-cum. And -correct me if I'm wrong- pre-cum can only enduce pregnancy when there's sperm left over from the last ejaculation in the penis. Leftover sperm exits the body when the guy urinates. So, basically, if the guy has peed since he last ejaculated and he pulls out IN TIME, it's pretty damn effective. That's your sex ed lesson of the day.
But yeah, there's the whole STD thing. STDs are often not noticeable. Like herpes. It can still be spread even when no signs or symptoms are present in the host! I hope she's not pregnant, because let's face it, you're no parent of the year in the making...But I hope you get herpes. For being stupid. =] haha..jk?
But in the future...don't be a fool, wrap your tool. Kthanks.
LMFAO!! "Be my baby's daddy!" Hahaha I have been yelling that for days!
That is just so great. A new pick up line LMFAO!! jk
#584 - On 04/22/2009 at 3:59am by Bella_x
Wow, I gotta say it's a YDI. Next time don't have drunken sex with some girl you don't know at all. Who knows what STD's she had let alone the pregnant issue. Ew...
#585 - On 04/22/2009 at 12:56pm by FallenAngel209
yes THANK YOU #191
everyone that thinks hes stupid for having drunk sex is just jealous they never had the chance to do it themselves. its not his fault shes psychoooooOoooOoOo
#587 - On 04/22/2009 at 6:51pm by mastershake
HAHAHA this is one of the best FMLs i've ever read. hah wow.
#588 - On 04/22/2009 at 8:23pm by rebecca
haha
even though you completely deserved it, its still hilarious
#589 - On 04/22/2009 at 11:30pm by Shadow_Sniper
Dude do you not listen to people when they say stuff like:
"Don't be silly, Wrap your willy!"
"Don't be a fool, wrap your tool!"
"No glove, no love."
"Wrap it before you tap it."
"Cover your bump before you hump."
"Don't be a dick, cover your stick.".....?
Yeah, there's a reason they say it!
but hey, happy early Father's Day, you just earned the Father of the Year award! Hope it was worth one drunken night of stupidity!
#590 - On 04/23/2009 at 12:07am by babygrl_13
Get a condom next time, but thanks for posting it. Me and my friends are still laughing! But yeah, you should have told her afterwards that you have advanced AIDS.
WOW So let me guess, you gave her the gift of child bearing? And she gave you the gift of std? STUPID on both parts.
#596 - On 04/24/2009 at 6:12pm by GoT_IssUes
I wanna know if she's pregnant.
I think I let more at the BE MY BABY'S DADDY thing than the rest of it.
Rofl. Oh man... Lol.
this is the first FML i have ever seen. someone posted it on skype. i laffed for leik 3895 days... i still am...
...I've pulled out for two years so either I'm extremely lucky, my girlfriend or I are infertile, or some of you just don't do it properly. By the way dude, a girl is most likely to get pregnant one or two days out of each month usually right before her period I'm told and that's if all the factors are correct. things such as stress kind determine whether or not she's pregnant, etc.
#602 - On 04/26/2009 at 4:34am by someone1989
Wow bro. I'm sorry for ya. Best thing i can do is tell you Plan B. Its expensive but it might be worth it if you really don't want this girl ending up with your kid.
#603 - On 04/26/2009 at 8:25am by Effeditallup
this brings up the greatt debate of equality, why is it that it isn't ok for a man to hit a woman but acceptable for a woman to bit a man, and why is it rape if the girl has consumed alcohol even of both parties are intoxicated. Now i'm no massaginist, but why is it that we aren't equal in everysense of the word, it's not that people want to be equal, it's that people want the benefits without the responsibility. I call bollucks to every one striving for equality! F u
haha well i want to know if she got prego.
i feel bad for the kid though, dumbass dad and psycho mom...got some great genes there!
hahahahahaha that sucks! hope you got out ok....oh wait...you didnt....
#609 - On 04/27/2009 at 6:27pm by PMT09
kill her.
lol.
you can always give a fake name and shit and then 15 years later if the child is successful and everything you want in your offspring come back into his life and be like oh, i forgot about you or some shit.
613 yeah there are girls that crazy i'm with one now... but i aint stupid i wear my slicker everytime
#616 - On 04/28/2009 at 10:59pm by bakersdozen
This is still my favorite FML.
It is the ESSENCE of this website.
This is hilarious, even if it is fake. Which I don't think it is.
HAHA.
Hope she aint pregnant, bro.
#618 - On 04/29/2009 at 3:34pm by rawchelllll
hahaha either she was on the pill and just freaking you out which would make her hilarious and awesome, or she actually wanted in illegitimate child with a stranger which would make her a freaking psycho.
and #619 hahaha true
your fuckin stupid
havent you heard of a thing called STDs???
#623 - On 05/01/2009 at 1:48am by Capo123
Obviously Pulling out doesn't work period its called preejaculatory fluid and sleepin with a girl you dont know IS FUCKed Especially without a condom she could have had aids for all you know you Your'e Just a prostitute
#624 - On 05/01/2009 at 7:43pm by Ryan_fultz
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HOLY FUKK! Thas soo funnyy and soo wrongg. Sorry to you. And kudos to her for making this storyy possible. It made myy dayy =)
#625 - On 05/01/2009 at 11:10pm by 00Missme00
Did she become pregnant? Would it be possible to sue her? This is why you should always film sex just incase you need to give it as evidence in a court of law.
#628 - On 05/02/2009 at 11:30am by pietastesgood
i can picture you climaxing but panicking at the same time ahahah
#633 - On 05/02/2009 at 11:52pm by THISISAMERICA
LMAO. #663 FTW.
You sure know how to pick the winners.
I'm sure it was a sick joke and she's on the pill or something.
#634 - On 05/03/2009 at 6:40pm by Atreyu_Love
first off, pulling out is only like 70% effective.
second, your life SUCKKSSS.
#636 - On 05/03/2009 at 11:13pm by wonduhhbrayeddd
Just because you came inside her, doesn't mean that she will get pregnant. Like what was said earlier, it has to be the right time of the month
OMG. THATS JUST SO FUKED UP OMG LMAO... GOD I'M WORRIED FOR YOU. NOW LOL
#638 - On 05/04/2009 at 3:11am by mtorres8789
I agree with number 8.... u should have jacked her in the fucking forhead and kicked her in the uterus repeatedly!!!
I kno how u feel that shit happened to me b4.. but fuck it, thats why they invented stairs and hangers.. if she does get pregnant u can fix it with 1 of those ;)
#643 - On 05/05/2009 at 5:47pm by IshitCAKES
well... compared to this risks involved... a condom would be the best option. Pulling out doesn't work, not that i've ever gotten pregnant. The only benefit is that i hear on a guys end sex minus the condom is better, and on the girls end... there is a hormone in semen that increases endorphin production, putting woman in a better mood. But with 1 in 4 adults having herpes... and the number of people with other STD's, not to even mention children. Better to wait till your sober anyway.
#645 - On 05/06/2009 at 4:50am by masquerade08
Wowowoww...
Way to go..
sorry, baby daddy, but you fucked up this one.
hopefully abortion is still an option(:
Dude, not only are there chances for the major STDs circulating these days, but pull out is the worst method ever. Ever hear of premature ejactulation? If not, I suggest listening to Jizz in my Pants by The Lonely Island.
#648 - On 05/07/2009 at 12:34pm by bakingsoda
652 HAHAHAHA
This FML is quite possibly the single funniest thing on the internet...
totally deserved it..
i've heard of some women that do this just so that they can have financial support and shit like that, sorry pal, should've quickly stuck in in her ass, then see what she had to say to that.
pull out method doesn't work that's how i was born idiot, and i'm 15.
good luck with the child.
LOLZ
That'll be the last time you to play in the rain without a jacket.
#658 - On 05/10/2009 at 8:08pm by RuralNinja
HOLY FREAKIN' S***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's so freaky!!!!! OMG!!!
#664 - On 05/12/2009 at 8:09pm by that_one_dude
If this story is true, I hope to God that one of you is infertile because neither one of you should be breeding.
#665 - On 05/12/2009 at 9:05pm by DarkMirror
Completely your fault, dude. All I have to say. If you were sober enough to know that you didn't have a condom, and that you were nervous about getting her pregnant, then you're obviously an idiot. Happy fatherhood! :)
this is why god gave man the FAST CAR. now get in yours and drive to Brazil\
#656's idea would have been good to
#667 - On 05/13/2009 at 12:00am by ritalinboy
Wow, all you guys who THINK PULLOUT DOESN'T WORK, are WRONG.
"Pre-ejaculate does not start out with sperm, if you have ejaculated prior to you "pre-ejaculating" then it can pick up sperm that did not leave the urethra, and cause a possible pregnancy, but is not probable. Now. Here's the good news: If the guy pees BEFORE he pre-ejaculates, the acid in the urine will destroy the "left-over" sperm cells from a previous ejaculation."
Pulled from a website, but you can check it in any decent sex-ed book in you local library.
Though, you weren't that smart, OP, people like you are the reason STD's are such a problem in this country.
Look on the bright side; in the worst case scenario you'll only have to deal with it for about eighteen years.
#65 said it. She raped you. How does it feel to be a guy was raped by a female.
But dude that was hilarious. I would have screamed " BE MY BABYS DADDY" JUST to freak the poor guy out.
Dude u should tell us if ur a daddy or not.
ahahahahha..
hahah #679! that's hilarious! haha
seriously though you should tell us if you become a daddy!
#681 - On 05/16/2009 at 10:31pm by jadahgirl7
Guess you shouldn't have trusted a girl you JUST MET...gotta say, don't really feel bad for you, but that IS an fml moment =)
#684 - On 05/17/2009 at 8:15pm by xo_emily_xo
#683 wtf?? Since when do girls use physical force to get guys to impregnate them? That is hardly the oldest trick in the book.
XD lmao I favorited this one
and for those of you saying the pull out method is risky, I've been using it whenever we don't have a condom lying around for about 2 years now. Still no kiddies.
yeah, that is really fucked.
i hope for your sake she didn't get pregnant
#689 - On 05/19/2009 at 10:45pm by Luna_LoveIsGood
Wow. A girl trying purposefully to get pregnant? It sounds like she would have ripped off your condom anyway. :P
thats insane man, so much for having a good time huh? but you know what they say: "blame it on the alcohol"
#692 - On 05/21/2009 at 4:57pm by Smelly_Douche
#648 I F*CKING LOVE THAT SONG!! hahaha... "last week i sarw a film, as I recall it was a horror film..." random.... hahah.... anyways OP you are an idiot for trusting somone you don't know. Granted I don't see what exactly the chick was trying to achieve... unless you were the single hottest man on earth. But even then, you could be a complete moron, and seeing as think the pulling out method is adequate or completly safe i'd say you are. I believe that way is only okay if you are in a steady relationship that even if you do happen to get preg (well, your girl of course) then you wont regret it. YDI all the way. no sympathy. But it was good for a laugh, i favourited!
#696 - On 05/22/2009 at 11:53pm by AngelRaven89
That's hilarious. Don't be an idiot. Wear a condom. Sheesh. How hard is that simple action?
#697 - On 05/23/2009 at 7:54pm by ifancythetrio
dude thats so funny wat a freak that girl is yo. but i bet it was a joke. dude haha lmao
#698 - On 05/23/2009 at 8:51pm by slearnaro92
you shouldn't have had unprotected sex with some random crazy person unless you were ready to parent/pay child support til the kid is 18. idiot.
and fyi, she's probably on the pill and trying to scare you.
Psycho bitch! But you did deserve it for not using a rubber. You should have got her back and said "No, I have AIDS!" Guaranteed she'd get an abortion if she did get pregnant (and she won't ever truly know if you were lying or not and has to get tested every year or some shit like that). And please don't start Pro-Lifers, women like her and guys like the OP should not be allowed to generate children... ever!
#705 - On 05/26/2009 at 1:00am by toodrunc2no
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
oh shit that made me laugh.
FYL for real though.. I mean so what people have one night stands all the time. - but FYL for getting the one desperate bitch that wanted to have a strangers baby. hahahahahahahhahaha this FML made my life...
Thanks man
Pulling out does NOT work...I know... Ask Kaylan and Cherry!........For those who dont get it (those are my 2 kids)
wow... that is truly messed up, so sorry :(
but I bet you'll remember to use protection from now on!
I just want you to know that your story was so funny it's now an inside joke between my friend and I. You should be a spokesperson for Trojan!
Ugh. Wow. Sorry, but you deserved it. Certainly hope she's preggers. >_>
A lesson for you kiddies, wrap it before you tap it.
#710 - On 05/26/2009 at 10:22pm by podrummer9209
That's fucking DUMB on your part! I got cheated on in November when my boyfriend hardly knew this girl and had unprotected, drunk sex with her....twice. She because they knew the same group of friends [she's friends with his friends from home; we're both away at school right now and I'm from a different town], but that definitely doesn't mean she's clean. Talking about STDs to friends isn't a common topic. I'm not going to turn to my friend next to me and tell him I have some STD; that's definitely a dark secret people keep. Drunk or not, wrap it before you whack it. I made my boyfriend go the Health Services at school to get checked out. Drunk or not, that doesn't excuse unprotected sex. If you don't have a condom, DON'T HAVE SEX. As if getting cheated on wasn't hard enough to get over, him having unprotected sex while drunk only made it worse.
#711 - On 05/27/2009 at 1:23am by sickinlove13
#714, right now, we're working on things. So I guess we're together, but without the title. He moved out of our apartment and is living with another couple we know. Call me naive, but I believe in second chances. He screwed up once and that's all he's getting. I've made mistakes in my past, too.
#715 - On 05/27/2009 at 2:28pm by sickinlove13
Ha Ha. You have more YDI than FYL, and yet you're still in the top twenty.
#716 - On 05/27/2009 at 5:41pm by WhatAMishap
This is by far my favorite FML.
Sorry but I truly enjoy your pain here.
:)
#717 - On 05/27/2009 at 8:06pm by takemeonthefloor
hahahahaha That sucks!
Well, if you don't know her that well did you get away with her not finding you again?
First the pull out method does not work at all. You secrete cum the whole entire time you are having sex. Second it is very stupid to have sex with someone you don't even know, not even for the fact of pregnancy but also STDs. How did you know she didn't have AIDs or something? I'm sorry but that is completely your fault. I can't see why anyone would blame her. I know this sounds really rude but you are completely ignorant.
Bro, fuck your life to the utmost! This made me laugh, not gonna lie. But you totally deserved that one.
#725 - On 05/29/2009 at 5:16pm by amc4204
OMGG.
ahahahahaha ! i cnt stop laughing.
bet u wish u were wearing a condom.
thts wht u get for not wearing protection
LMAO dude this has to be a joke. But thats really funny.
I use the pull out method every day for 2 years and it works like a charm.
#728 - On 05/30/2009 at 4:30am by tearsinheaven00
She "assured" you? Well, who the hell is she? Seriously, I don't understand how another human being can "assure" you that you could pull out. She must really have faith in you for someone who barely knows you.
HAHAH stupid jackass. I hope you have to pay child support!!!
#733 - On 05/31/2009 at 9:05pm by kateisbored
For all you people out there saying your stupid for not using a condom and such bull im more them 100% sure you have done the same once in your lifetime, im sure he's a college kid enjoying his time so yeh dude FYL
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! omg hahahaha so funny, i can actually see that happening in my mind HAHA poor you, did she get pregnant?:p
#736 - On 06/01/2009 at 2:29pm by LovelessEva
You should've ripped and dipped! :)
It's your fault though lol Condom next time dude
#737 - On 06/01/2009 at 8:06pm by Christineiscool
You should have "proceeded" to push her away so you could get out, ejaculated in her mouth and on her face and then left
#741 - On 06/02/2009 at 11:53pm by wowyoufail
jesus what a crazy cow...i hope you ran out of that door
#743 - On 06/03/2009 at 4:55pm by Karriedaway
Ok let's make a list on why you had it coming:
1)You was Drunk.
2)You did not wear a condom.
3)You wanted to pull out(Worst Method)
4)You believed that the girl would let you pull out.
5)You basically screwed up.
YDI
#745 - On 06/03/2009 at 10:11pm by Diligent17
that's an interesting paradox... worst orgasm ever
fyl dude. i'm sorry
#749 - On 06/05/2009 at 3:50pm by notFUNNYtoMEass
hey, maybe if you're lucky, you won't be the only guy in the mix of the who's the daddy game...unless you make more money than the rest of them...then you're fucked
#752 - On 06/06/2009 at 7:50pm by sailnaked6842
wow dude, that's amazing. The same thing happened to me! except i managed to pull out right on time! But i know the feeling.
#754 - You're fking special.
@ the OP. teaches you to have sex with drunk chicks doesn't it?
#757 - On 06/09/2009 at 3:11pm by jetstream417
DAMNNNN!!!....u must be goin fkn crazy wonderin if shez pregnant!!lol....fyl
#762 - On 06/10/2009 at 2:12pm by dis_ooglie_nena
dude wtf man dont have sex with some random person you dont know you mighthave gotten AIDS or gonorhea or something
#763 - On 06/10/2009 at 2:53pm by a1m2a3d4o5
frank just wanted to let you all know the girl is now 3 months prego, half of everything he makes will be going to her until the kid is 18. also, the genital warts he got from that night are amazing. apparently they give alot of texture that he doesnt wanna go back to sex like it was before
I love how everyone thinks that she is on the pill and everything will be ok. Even if she is on the pill...her ass could still get pragnant. I know someone who used a condom AND was using birth control and got pregnant two different times. Doesn't fukking matter if she was on the pill, stupid move in the first place. She could of had AIDS.
#765 - On 06/10/2009 at 10:34pm by under_estimated
If that's your habit to sleep with random girls without a condom, there is surely more you should worry about than 'just' a baby on the way. Ever heard of AIDS, kid?
No sympathy for you.
It wouldn't have helped. There's sperm in the pre-cum too. We asked our science teacher.
#773 - On 06/12/2009 at 5:34pm by iLoVeGuMmYbEaRs
It wouldn't have helped, you secrete sperm before you actually orgasm. We learned all about it in science.
#776 - On 06/13/2009 at 10:34am by iLoVeGuMmYbEaRs
a lot of you guys be saying the pulling out method doesnt work but it actually does. everytime. so i mean you guys must be retarded and dont know how to pull out or sumshiz.
the illustration isn't bad. it's simple. and the colors are interesting. it's like Cyanide and Happiness if C&H had dropped acid.
I like it (: nice interpretation. and I like how the artist shows the gradual process of beutification by beer.
#783 - On 06/13/2009 at 11:20am by suicidekings
*beautification v_v
I hate how you can't edit your comments.
#784 - On 06/13/2009 at 11:24am by suicidekings
aaw, I like the artist's interpretation ;D As to you (the original poster) I seriously doubt you've totally read through the comments (all..780-odd of of 'em O_O) but still, I've got a piece of advice for you: never have anything to do with this woman again. regardless of your FML's outcome, I mean. your stupidity aside, I'd condemn anyone forcing something like this on a woman (regardless of how drunk she was) and the same goes for you. tell her you won't support any consequences from this, as it was beyond not your idea - you KNOW for a fact now people will be queuing up to tell you what an idiot you are if you do!
#785 - On 06/13/2009 at 11:27am by DevilDistraction
Shame I can only hit, YDI only once. For such faith in stupidity you deserve a lot more and a kick in the nuts. Maybe now you'll know better.
Probably the best FML illustration yet for one of the top FMLs.
#787 - On 06/13/2009 at 11:40am by banerkblue
Illustration is effective in showing the story, but I don't like how it looks.
#788 - On 06/13/2009 at 11:55am by FacePALM24
Now that the illustration has brought this FML back to my attention now that I have an account to comment with, I have to say: YDI. Never without a condom. Aside from the pregnancy risk, you don't know what kinds of diseases she could have. Your own stupidity got you in this situation.
#790 - On 06/13/2009 at 12:17pm by WitchCirce
Haha, I love this one even more with the drawing. Man I've cut it close before too, but you are fucked.
#794 - On 06/13/2009 at 12:50pm by PsycodlicCowboy
Illustration is misleading with the whole "ugly girl turning hot after he gets drunk thing". OP never said she was ugly so why draw it? Inaccurate and misleading, not a very good illustration.
#795 - On 06/13/2009 at 1:02pm by FBIWarning
She was probably drunk when she said that. Imagine how SHE'LL feel in the morning xD
#796 - On 06/13/2009 at 1:09pm by BlaisOf_Fire91
agree with 795...OP never mentioned anything about how she looked.
#797 - On 06/13/2009 at 1:10pm by chickenfeetyum
The illustration may not be correct but its still entertaining!
#798 - On 06/13/2009 at 1:36pm by ReplicasWaifu
my boyfriend and i have been having sex for over 5months together and have been using the pull out method the majority of the time and i have yet to become pregnant. if you do it the right way, it does work.
Out of all the things to illustrate, you chose to draw that?
I hope she's not pregnant. I don't want smaller versions of you combined with a crazy woman's genes walking around wreaking havoc on our birth rate.
#803 - On 06/13/2009 at 2:15pm by hairspray666
The illustration totally strays from the actual FML.
And OP, you could not deserve it more.
#15 is right.
Wow, YDI. As for the pull out method... when I was just dating my husband we tried that... turns out men cum throughout the sex act. Guess who's due in October?
#807 - On 06/13/2009 at 3:36pm by desertkitt
Falcon PAUNCH! Seriously though, that is FUCKED UP. Pull out method is only effective if you are not drunk and all, and is probably best used as a back up method at best(Like if a girl misses a pill) in a monogamous long term relationship. It does not protect against STDs, which you could now have. Plus you now have to worry about a kid. Smart move.
#808 - On 06/13/2009 at 4:20pm by Blackrose13
WTF? Are you like 14 or something? Did you never learn sex-ed? As soon as you put it in there is a chance of you getting her pregnant, it doesn't matter if you've cummed or not..
I fucking love the illustration.
Sorry, YDI. Have fun going to all those Hannah Montana concerts in the future.
#812 - On 06/13/2009 at 4:48pm by drinkupgorgeous
actually 808, it's not once you stick it in, it's just if any pre-ejaculate or semen is expelled. How else is sperm supposed to get to the egg?
this illustration has NOTHING to do with the FML. who said it was at a bar? and who said she was fat and ugly? maybe she was beautiful.
plus, those people look like aliens.
Artist-fail.
#815 - On 06/13/2009 at 5:08pm by heygirlheyyyyy
This illustration has absolutely NOTHING to do with the FML.
Who said this happened at a bar?
Who said the girl was fat and ugly; Who said she wasn't good looking?
and really... these people look like aliens.
Artist-FAIL.
#816 - On 06/13/2009 at 5:10pm by heygirlheyyyyy
Reminds me of Knocked Up. o_O In a way. Except she wasn't a psycho bitch, he was just dumb. o_O But whatever. This is still a pretty funny FML. >.>
#817 - On 06/13/2009 at 5:11pm by sodaxpopxhiccups
I agree with #803.
While scrolling down the comic, I thought it was a totally different FML.
It's still funny, but not quite what the OP was saying. (until the end at least)
#818 - On 06/13/2009 at 5:11pm by InsaneOblongata
bummer for you mate;
stupid move on both your parts though
#819 - On 06/13/2009 at 5:24pm by HorrorByrd
wow... the picture's beginning is kinda far from the original FML when I read it awhile bac like someone said, but yea, yu should hav either not done it or found a condomn... and if you were at a person's giant drunken house party and can't find a condomn, use the old poor people's method, Some plastic wrap and a rubberband and it's all good in the hood! :D And yu shoulda hit it from behind, that way she can't force you in her and you can pull out(and yes pulling out does work, just not much at all or very well... it has only around a 32% success rate of pregnancy avoidess which is crappy)... well you'd be able to pull out unless yur back is to a wall and she presses you back, then you're screwed...
#820 - On 06/13/2009 at 5:27pm by YungMarlon23
Dude, who gives a flip if the OP never said the girl was ugly?? It makes the cartoon that much funnier! Dang, people are so critical!!
Although I have to admit I feel like there was an "I slept with an ugly girl and didn't realize it until morning" FML and that's what I thought the cartoon was about until I reached the end. Still funny though.
#821 - On 06/13/2009 at 5:48pm by shananigans
Yeah, the pull out method doesn't work because before you cum, a little bit of pre ejaculatory fluid comes out first, which contains millions of sperm, so when she said 'just pull out' you should have punched her in the face, put on a condom, and raped her.
#822 - On 06/13/2009 at 5:48pm by raincookie
#882: dude chill out there
and dont worry, there's a HUGE chance that she isn't pregnant. and even if she is...well idk then.
Great, you can be a father AND have AIDS. Good job, buddy.
#826 - On 06/13/2009 at 6:47pm by addictedjane
this is why we dont drink
this is alo why we never have DRUNKEN SEX! for all u no she could have bee a dude at one point!
haha i actually go to the school this girl goes too!
everyone knew cuz he told that he posted this.
XD
why would this idiot want a kid with someone she just met at a bar anyways?
They're Both fucking idiots =]
#829 - On 06/13/2009 at 7:35pm by boricua_4life407
I don't know what everyone is talking about. The pull-out method has been working for me for years. :D
#834 - On 06/13/2009 at 7:53pm by Jellybones
hilarious fml, terrible illustration.
all illustrations have sucked dick so far.
#836 - On 06/13/2009 at 8:41pm by mister_moops
Also, for people who say 'Haha she was just joking, she's probably on the pill' and 'Why would she want a baby with a stranger anyway?' - I have KNOWN girls who are that desperate for a baby that they have done similar things such as pretending to be on the pill, not just to strangers but to their boyfriends in order to get pregnant. Some girls are nuts.
Also, LOL @ #822.
I'm so glad I'm a girl.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexually_transmitted_disease
A baby is less of a problem than, for example, HIV. Happily we now have fancy retroviral drugs but you've still just cut your life span in half or more.
P.S. Either you should have listened in sex ed or you are a victim of idiotic abstinance only education programs - you release plenty enough sperm to get a girl pregnant while you're having sex so even if you pull out before you expel most of the sperm you're quite likely to get her pregnant.
........ But that girl was freaking weirrrrd.
#840 - On 06/13/2009 at 10:47pm by Pwibble
Heard this one before about 3 weeks ago. Common, I am 14 years old and I even know pulling out doesnt work. Didnt you listen while you were is Sex Ed? While your having sex some sperm still leaks out. God Damn. Totally your fault.
#841 - On 06/13/2009 at 11:03pm by Daaniellee1234
wooowwwww. @ all this fighting. bottom line- you CAN still get pregnant with the pullout.
also usually the illustrations are kinda lame but this one was pretty funny.
#842 - On 06/13/2009 at 11:16pm by thelarkscaw
She was probably just some girl that regularly took "the pill" and thought this would be hilarious.
...She was right.
LMAO!!! This was one of the first FMLs I ever read and one of my all time favs!! Hilarious.
#844 - On 06/13/2009 at 11:33pm by deadandgone
#667 and whoever else said the pull-out method works... maybe it does for a bit, but it's a ticking time bomb. I don't know what website you looked under, but according to most medical professionals, pre-ejaculate and secretions during sex CAN and usually DO contain sperm. It's a risk not worth taking. Plus, the whole STD's thing is KIND OF important.
#9 that is true, but at the same time she may have known she was ovulating. I had a friend that would go out on the nights she was ovulating and have sex with guys. It worked for her!
This is the best fml ever and I'm lovin the illustration. The person who siad this situation was hot is out of their minds ir just as crazy as the girl. And for the person who said they know the ppl involved is the girl pregrant and are these idiots in highschool or college. Like wth.
#9, unfortunately, women can still get pregnant during their periods, and immediately after. dude, you're fucked.
#852 - On 06/14/2009 at 1:44am by idkwtfimdoing
You're both equally stupid.
You both were drunk too.
So, whatever happens, it's your own fault.
Congratulations for being retarded.
#853 - On 06/14/2009 at 2:11am by hypothetically
Its not even about getting the girl pregnant, it's much more about getting some STD... Having sex with someone you barely know without a condom is just unresponsible. As much as thinking that the pull out method actually works. You moron.
If you end up with a baby to raise, and with AIDS or anything else, it's your own falut.
You totally deserved this one.
Hahaha I remember reading this before it was an illustrated FML. Still and always my favorite one.
#856 - On 06/14/2009 at 5:11am by theellster
#19 is my freaking hero! haha. that just made my day.
#857 - On 06/14/2009 at 5:29am by StarrieyedFML
Tell you why I like being the responsible one that doesn't drink, has fun, but still has to drive all the drunk friends home and get them to sober down a little? I don't get into stupid shit like this. If your drunk, you basically lose all your thinking skills. That is why I have a good gf that isn't crazy like the one you laid and get it good from her. And remember, even though it doesn't feel natural, you get the same amount of fun with the ol' rubber or not.
For all the people whinging about condoms and pulling out and yap yap yap i love that my gf is on the pill :-D
haha did she buy the drinks?
lolz she seduced u...now ur her baby daddy!!!
#862 - On 06/14/2009 at 10:01am by rawrbitch11
umm, for those of you saying the pullout method is quite effective if done correctly.... no, it isn't. There is precum on the penis as soon as it is erect in most cases, and before ejaculation even occurs more precum can come out. Precum is still sperm. Therefore the only way to effectively not get pregnant without some form of tangible birth control is to not have sex. wrap it up every time, or be ready to be a parent. take responsibility
#863 - On 06/14/2009 at 10:31am by whydoibother
Apparently no one reads.. The pull out method IF USED CORRECTLY has a proven effectiveness of 98% which is the same as condoms. And if you say "well my friend used it and she still got pregnant".. Then you can't read and he can't pull out fast enough. Many couples have used the method effectively for years before they decided to have children. So.. F your Life people, you’re all retarded.
#868 - On 06/14/2009 at 1:11pm by wtf_mate009
You're a moron, there's sperm in precum, and for those of you who have never had a health class, Sperm + egg = BABY. Also putting in the hands of a horny 20-something male, the 50/50 chance of whether you get pregnant? No thanks.
#871 - On 06/14/2009 at 2:56pm by Username_a_z_0_9
The illustration was very confusing because at first (without reading the fml) i thought it was about having sex with a very ugly girl. is it really that hard to make a illustration that matches the fml?
#874 - On 06/14/2009 at 3:51pm by passwordis_fml
Your life is not fucked unless you gave her your name and number.
#875 - On 06/14/2009 at 3:56pm by dontcare804
#868...what's the PROPER way to utilise the "pulling out" method so you avoid pregnancy?
Also...I don't think illustrations were a particularly good idea for this FML...or most of the ones that have been illustrated so far
wow.. all iim going to say is.. we all learned in sex ed.. pulling out doesnt work.. and what the hell!!.. one night stand with no dom.. get checked out.. coz that is freaky.. sorry.. doing that with your partner is one thing.. you know where she been.. but wow.. is all ii can say..
Like everyone's saying, the pull-out method is completely ineffective. At most it would reduce the chances of pregnancy, but not protect against it. But if I were you I'd be a little more worried about STD's.
#879 - On 06/14/2009 at 4:17pm by lkoinuchan
plan B?
no, plan B is rreally plan A.
plan B is FALCON PUNCH.
#883 - On 06/14/2009 at 5:52pm by 3arthb3nd3r
you so deserved it first of all u had unprotected drunk sex with a stranger and second of all if u thought she was as ugly as u described in your picture why would u keep drinking to make her attractive surely u knew it would wear off
#885 - On 06/14/2009 at 6:14pm by Irefusetosay
#868, go fuck yourself... x]
This FML actually sucks for the dude... hope she didn't get pregnant.
#886 - On 06/14/2009 at 6:39pm by pikachu_01
Hey .. im #868 .. guess what go to planned parenthood.com or any other sex ed website
"Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 4 will become pregnant each year if they always do it correctly. "
Seems like good statistics to me
and dont tell me to fuck myself unless you learn to check your facts before you talk to someone.
Thanks so much :)
#887 - On 06/14/2009 at 7:42pm by wtf_mate009
#887, 4 women in every 100 having an unwanted pregnancy? That doesn't sound that great to me...
Not to mention the other issue that if you're having a one night stand, as was the case in this fml, you have no idea what STDs the other person could have so you should use a condom anyway.
#888 - On 06/14/2009 at 7:53pm by dancing_bear
#887, 4 in 100, or 1 in 25, doesn't sound like the 98% you said before in #868, so maybe YOU should get your facts straight before YOU speak.
ahahha this is one of my favorite FMLs. and the drunken stupor in the first 4 frames add so much. kudos.
#892 - On 06/14/2009 at 8:38pm by Poopybuttz
lmfao epic fail. but freakin hilarious. yet i'm sure his happenned to alot of people.
#897 - On 06/14/2009 at 9:53pm by gwenalicious
i'm with #874 this illustration is kind of bad in the sense that it doesn't convey what it's about. I too thought it had to do with having drunk sex with an ugly chick.
#898 - On 06/14/2009 at 10:09pm by genius_man16
#827 stfu
If she was a man at some point, he wouldnt have to worry about making a baby since she wouldnt have a uterus. And, she would have been a full woman at that point, being that there was no penis.
do you really worry that every woman you meet used to be a man?
I dont think thats his biggest worry at this point
obviously not that nervous about not having a condom if you fucked some girl without knowing her fist without protection! dumbasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
#906 - On 06/15/2009 at 1:48am by xaesthetics_
Tip - Never, ever, ever, ever, ever have sex with someone you don't know without a condom.
There, I've made my point.
Now, let's try and have 1000 comments!!!!!!!
dude, no sweat, just buy her a wire coat hanger and a vacuum cleaner (abortions are expensive) and go at her...or push her down the stairs that way you don't have to buy the hanger or the vacuum...abortions solve the worlds problems
Well the pull off method sometimes work, because if you get pregnant every time you have unprotected sex, that would be a bunch of children. The idea about pulling off is that if you don't ejaculate in the uterus, well, there are less spermatozoids on the race to get to the egg (like said before, spermatozoids are not only during ejaculation). Most spermatozoids do die trying to get to the egg, so less spermatozoids = lower probability of having a winner.
It doesn't protect against STD, and even if the probability of getting pregnant is quite low on a regular basis, the 4% i've read above is still too much high ;)
(so you know, having unprotected sex with someone who has AIDS, the probability you get the virus is like 1/500)
#912 - On 06/15/2009 at 9:32am by 4ube
All of you who are calling him a dumbass for not telling her that he has herpies or just using a condom are forgetting one detail: they were DRUNK! Try being clever when you're drunk, I'm curious to see what happens. =P
#913 - On 06/15/2009 at 11:13am by Sweet_child_NOT
What most people don't realize about the whole pull - out method is the whole precum factor.. but like 913 stated, you were drunk so judgement was out of the question. This is why I don't drink without having someone around to make sure I don't do something slutty or stupid; not saying you are, just referring to unpleasant past experiences I've gotten myself into.
As usual, the comic sucks.
Hey FML staff, how about getting professionals instead of ANYONE with Photoshop?
#891 is right
OP-if you guys were drunk and didn't know each other, she won't be able to contact you if she's pregnant
That is why you NEVER EVER DRINK. What is the fucking point ? can't you keep it at coke and root beer ? WHY do humanity, everywhere they go, creates a way to make alcohol ?
#923 - On 06/15/2009 at 3:00pm by 4ube
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
you so deserve that one... Daddy!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
#924 - On 06/15/2009 at 4:33pm by orangeworx
Actualy there is always some sperm taht is released before the actual ejacualtion, enough to get a woamn pregnant. And there is a 8 day window for pregnancy, sperm an live int he female body for a full 24hours, and the released ovary it stays able to be fertalised for around 7 days.
#925 - On 06/15/2009 at 5:29pm by Alwaysthelast
the illustration is really funny. haha. sucks for you. guess you learned not to have sex while being drunk, and not having any condoms.
I had that happen to one of my friends...fyi he is a baby daddy now hahaha. I mean it's not funny but it just sucks that it happened to someone else.
omfg!!!!! how much did you give that woman to drink? pray that she was on birth control and that she was also clean,see a doctor and a priest stat!!! Pray my friend pray till your knees hurt!
#928 - On 06/15/2009 at 6:00pm by jagerwiser
Zomg. That really sucks. Poor guy :(
He shouldn't have done it though!
#929 - On 06/15/2009 at 6:05pm by MacintoshDima
wow 574. Women can get pregnant only two days out of the month? What drugs have you trippin that hard? Some women who have sex on their period can get pregnant. Sperm can live inside of the vagina for up to two days. That's why after sex some women have a "mess" to clean up fr a while.
Two days outta the month. FYL for being so gullible as to believe the drunk ugly woman who told you that when you were in the OPs circumstance.
#931 - On 06/15/2009 at 6:50pm by desertkitt
WOW. GETTiNG HER PREGO iS THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS. YOU SHOULD GO GET CHECKED BRUH....
#934 - On 06/15/2009 at 8:18pm by itsjustb03
That's a dick move! You should ask for a background check next time.
#935 - On 06/15/2009 at 9:40pm by twizztheshizz
I think you deserved that one, because of the whole pulling out thing...BUT the fact that she grabbed you and screamed "BE MY DADDYS BABY" is a kind of FML thing..and that's all her. So I voted for both..
The FML: She doesn't know you...and you BOTH agreed not to wear a condom. She probably said something like "ooh pulling out does work, all the time. " I mean you were drunk and all...and she screamed The daddy's baby bit.
The YDI: Use a condom...or stop having sex.
#937 - On 06/15/2009 at 10:20pm by ManiacsRose
First of all drunken sex with a stranger, smart move. Not having a condom on you, another smart move.
Thinking that the pull out method actually works, priceless.
#939 - On 06/15/2009 at 11:49pm by starbucks14
Feed her PLAN B! Then go get tested.
Pulling out DOES work (i dont have babies) But you have to be VERYcareful... there are also spermicidal films that work (i have no babies).
But... sex with a girl you don't know? YDI because
1) disease
2) if she's crazy or not (apparently she is)
#940 - On 06/16/2009 at 12:47am by myfishisBOBA
This illustration makes it seems like the only thing wrong with getting a random girl pregnant is the fact that she's ugly.
#942 - On 06/16/2009 at 1:56am by xKattAttack
Yeah... I personally feel like the illustration detracts from the real humor of this FML.
(Actually, the artist drew a first version of this illustration which is a bit funnier, in my opinion, but really has nothing to do with the FML: http://welations.com/sites/default/files/pictures/fmlcomic/fmlcomic.jpg)
#945 pulling out doesn't work cause pre-cum contains sperm that can impregnate the woman, and also cause pulling out depends on self-control. if the man ejaculates prematurely or is too caught up in the moment to remember pulling out, she better get some plan B in the morning.
#945 - On 06/16/2009 at 3:31am by whereztati
Pulling out is actually considered a form of birth control (it's on the planned parenthood website), as long as the guy can control it enough to completely pull out. http://www.statenews.com/index.php/article/2009/06/got_protection_study_finds_pulling_out_effective There's the study for it. It's not as effective as other methods, but it CAN work...
Today, I got a brand new phone, i had too because my other phone kept shutting off on me everytime i opened it. The second i walked out of the store i droped my phone and it got run over my a car. Fml
#949 - On 06/16/2009 at 10:26am by babygirl481p
I've read this one so many times, amongst many others, and it stills remains my absolutely favorite FML. AHAHAHA. "Be my baby's daddy!" Oh God, my bf and I say that to each other all the time now, thanks to you. :]
#950 - On 06/16/2009 at 10:47am by rayrayy
wow!
i am sorry!
haha
you must hae been really trashed to screw her!
did you get rabies?
#952 - On 06/16/2009 at 11:10am by XTheDesertSongX
#281, i believe you're a "silly dickhead", because actually, anal isn't 100%. you can still get a girl pregnant. but good job making an asshole of yourself.
#953 - On 06/16/2009 at 11:13am by sexxxy_lexxxy
#945 you may already know this, but I feel it needs to be pointed out again that precum (which a guy cannot control) can contain sperm. Which tends to cause babies....just saying.
#954 - On 06/16/2009 at 11:19am by TheMongoose333
precum can be more fertile! Also, anal sex doesn't mean no babies, sometimes things spill out and the vagina is awful close!
Condoms are cheap, kids aren't! Not to mention, if she doesn't make you wear a glove, she isn't making anyone wear one. Who knows what you could be catching. You're one dumb dude!
Kudos to you for being able to finish whilst having drunken sex.
#956 - On 06/16/2009 at 12:31pm by davidtheday
you deserved this one. drunk + practically stranger + no condom. not even the pill!? how old are you exactly?
#958 - On 06/16/2009 at 6:37pm by AlreadyExistsTH
i cant believe how many comments there are on this
#962 - On 06/16/2009 at 9:38pm by sneezing_unicorn
There's a lot of going back and forth about the withdrawal method and whether it is effective, without any proof. There's also a lot of misinformation here I'd like to clear up.
A link for your pleasure: http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=Non-Hormonal_Birth_Control#The_Withdrawal_.28Pull-Out.29_Method
The withdrawal method is effective provided it is done correctly and is quite often used in conjunction with the fertility awareness method (FAM) where the woman tracks her cycle to determine her "fertile days" where she is more likely to get pregnant (therefore avoiding having sex on those days, or using a back-up method.) Of course, this is not a barrier method of birth control therefore does not protect against STIs, and comes with the risk of not pulling out in time.
Pre-ejaculate CAN contain sperm - but it's very unlikely. If it does, it is because the male has ejaculated shortly before having sex again, and sperm remains in the urethra. Assuming the male pees after ejaculating, there should be no sperm left in the urethra. Pre-ejaculate does not come from the testicles, which is where sperm is made, therefore cannot contain sperm.
Sperm can survive in the vagina for a few days, so the idea that there are 1 or 2 days where a female can get pregnant is false. An egg may only survive for a day or two, but if you have sex 3 or 4 days before an egg is released, there could still be sperm present and pregnancy is possible.
In summary: pre-ejaculate does not contain sperm, the pull-out method is effective but not perfect for everybody, and I really hope this guy got himself tested.
#970 - On 06/17/2009 at 4:51am by skullfuckery
ok #970 you have way to much frikkin spare time if you can be bothered to post a 200 or so word comment on an illustrated fml that has almost 1000 other comments and none nearly as long i mean honestly who has time to do that?
#971 - On 06/17/2009 at 7:22am by Matty_Boy92
I spent my free time time on an informative comment. You spent your free time reading my informative comment and then complaining about it. Perhaps you should not be judging me?
#980 - On 06/17/2009 at 5:30pm by skullfuckery
#970: Way to minimize the risks. Theory and practice are two different things you know? Sure, in perfect conditions pre-ejaculate does not contain sperm, but do you really meet ideal conditions all the time?
How about the risk that semen remains in the male's urethra, because urinating does not flush it all out?
Or what about the fact that there are chances drops of sperm (not pre-ejaculate) may leak out before orgasm, such as if the guy attempts to hold it in? That can happen.
Pulling out works in the circumstances you describe, but those circumstances happen... 10% of the time?
Bottomline is:
Kids, if you're in a long-term relationship with someone and for some reason you don't care about diseases but worry about pregnancy, use birth control. If it's a long term relationship, it's safer. If you don't, in the long run you are sure to end up with unwanted pregnancy sooner or later. Without real birth control, the question is not "Will I get pregnant/get my girlfriend pregnant" but "WHEN will I get pregnant/get my girlfriend pregnant?".
And if you are not in a long term relationship, better be safe and use condoms to avoid STDs and STIs.
Need an excuse to tell your parents why you need birthcontrol but don't want to tell them you are having sex?
You should be able to get birth control without your parents knowledge or consent but if you still need an excuse try the following arguments:
1) Better be safe than sorry, you never know what could go in your mind.
2) A lot of women get raped, so it's safer to get birth control, just in case (true argument).
If your parents are opposed to birth control because of religious motives, tell them birth control pills prevent pregnancy but do not interrupt it.
#973 - On 06/17/2009 at 10:19am by UsingLogic
Another good "excuse" (or real reason) for starting birth control pills is that it can regulate irregular period cycles
#937, actually it is known that even after women stop using birth control, they can get pregnant and their body will abort the baby without them even knowing. so yeah, it does interrupt pregnancy
I agree, as I stated, it's not perfect. But studies show that people using no birth control have an 84% chance of becoming pregnant within a year, whereas people using the pull-out method have something like a 15% chance with TYPICAL (not perfect) use. It's incorrect to say that the withdrawal method only works 10% of the time, when it is an established form of birth control for a lot of people, although few people believe that because they are conditioned to believe it doesn't work. If you care enough to take a look at the link I provided, it's very informative. I never said the pull-out method was as effective as other BC methods, because it isn't. But it can be effective when done correctly.
#979 - On 06/17/2009 at 5:25pm by skullfuckery
It's weird how many people only talked about unprotected sex resulting in pregnancy instead of the more dangerous possibility of a serious STD. Who considers unprotected sex with a stranger and thinks "oh no, I might get her pregnant" and not "oh no, I might get a serious STD"? gross!
omg kewl i luv the pic. lol i didn't get it at first since the girls kept changing but it was the same girl, u were just getting more and more drunk. well... CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!
eeey, don't be so hard on the man.
it was dumb to think pulling out was a good method instead of using a condom, but he was drunk.
when you have drunk sex its not like your gonna think things through while your in that state.
AND THAT WAS ONE CRAZY MESSED UP GIRL ...
#981 - On 06/17/2009 at 8:54pm by ilovechocox
i don't get it , so the girl turned out to be a fat chick who wanted a baby ?
#982 - On 06/17/2009 at 9:30pm by Zero2Sixty
LOL sucks to be you dude...but thats fukin terrible, i wouldve headbutted her in the head and then came in her eye..
#986 - On 06/18/2009 at 12:36am by Sydney_guy
Anyways man, this is my favorite illustrated FML. Kudos to the artist.
And OP, sucks to be you. Well Father's Day is Sunday sooo....
#988 - On 06/18/2009 at 2:29am by SnogginNoggin
JAJAJA, Te chingaron my friend. Good luck with that child support.
#997 - On 06/18/2009 at 5:03pm by vixenscars
Dudee...like u dont hav to bleep with *'s
This site is FUCKmylife com so dont wrry bout lil kids readin this shit
And if they r...then they probs know swears!!!
#1005 I feel like I should make a comment on how ridiculous and immature you sound, but I can't think of something witty.
#1012 - On 06/19/2009 at 12:29pm by Genephix
I dont relly get the illustration...if it was a guy, u wudnt hav to wrry bout the whole baby making process thing...
to #1004, i think he drew it like that cause she was ugly and she got prettier as she drank.
was never a guy
and woah dude, thats kinda fucked up.
i laugehd hard when i read this.
#1006 - On 06/19/2009 at 1:41am by missshortstack
when something like this happens, DO A BARREL ROLL!!!!!
#1010 - On 06/19/2009 at 12:24pm by scrapingbottom
OP - Here's a thought for you - pulling out won't protect you from STDs. WTF were you thinking?
#1015 - On 06/19/2009 at 3:40pm by totalnutjob
Now, was it originally a guy, or was it just THAT fat of a girl?
#1017 - On 06/19/2009 at 7:17pm by MestizoFilipino
I had already read this before it was illustrated, but the illustrations made it ten times better!
#1018 - On 06/19/2009 at 7:42pm by KarmaHatesUs
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
dude, y'all need to get the fuck off your high horses. fact is, pulling out actually IS as effective as condoms if you know how to do it. condoms themselves fail about 1% of the time. i know i've had them break on me. and guess what? i came inside the girl and had to go buy a plan B pill. guess how many times that's happned to me when i've pulled out. NONE.
truth be told, its not hard to pull out in time, you dont always expect to get laid, so you dont always carry a condom with you (thats another thing, keeping condoms in your wallet is a great way to accidentily tear/ruin the condom by sitting on it for too long), and this girl is CLEARLY batshit insane. fact is, NO ONE expects this to happen to them, and in the heat of the moment sometimes a condom is a luxury that you have to do without.
Severe retardation is often hereditary, please refrain from reproducing!
The way you are talking it is abstinence all the way!
slip her various chemicals that kill babies (and hope God isn't a republican)
#1030 - On 06/21/2009 at 5:12pm by sensual_kidney
lmao, the illustrated one is uh..really explicit. LMFAO. HILARIOUS, "BE MY BABY"S DADDY!"
#1031 - On 06/21/2009 at 7:55pm by that_was_so_awkw
that's messed up. really really messed up. but.. your fault.
#1033 - On 06/21/2009 at 10:26pm by brookeneedsalife
Next time you want to have unprotected sex and are worried about pregnancy, just put it in her ass instead. Problem solved.
#1036 - On 06/22/2009 at 12:54am by katielynn18
was the girl drunk? if she was ur baby is fucked and ur life is fucked.
#1038 - On 06/22/2009 at 6:06pm by twist_of_fame93
wow just leave her..its mean but she lied so..fair trade?
#1041 - On 06/27/2009 at 12:03am by Indyrider12
Obviously you really didn't care too much about her getting pregnant or you would't have had unprotected sex with someone you barely knew.
YDI for having UNPROTECTED sex with someone you DIDN'T want to have kids with. That's just stupid.
#1042 - On 06/27/2009 at 4:07am by x33mandi2008
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!
sorry for you buuuuuttttt, thats funny.
#1046 - On 06/30/2009 at 3:57pm by DanniZanni
I have to say YDI since it was unprotected sex, but you were both drunk so crazy stuff is to be expected.
#1047 - On 07/01/2009 at 3:59am by Shadow_Sniper
Wow, out of all the FML's I've read, this is the saddest. I feel sorry for you and pulling out is still a high chance of getting her preganant. Ummm...your life really does suck and to that I say F*** Your Life.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
oooooo, either ditch and let the kid be fatherless, or stay with an (ugly?) stranger....dude fyl :/ sorry dude!
#1060 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:54am by udontneed2know
thats hell creepy for someone to say and do that. do u kno if she actually got pregnant??
#1063 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:34am by ebonescence
ROTFLMFAO!!!! This is definitely the funniest fml ever! I absolutely love how she gets prettier and skinnier as he drinks more, seriously beer goggles. After seeing this, all I have to hear is "Be my baby's daddy!" and I bust up laughing. I feel for you though man, I do.
hah, sorry but always wrap it before you tap it, so ydi
#1069 - On 07/15/2009 at 1:15am by Paige_Nicole10
This sucks, but I still have to give the guy props for remembering to even ask about a condom while drunk with a naked chick under him. And if it's really just some random girl, then when she gets pregnant she won't know who he is to even let him know. FHL.
y do people say YDI any guy would have sex without a condom with a girl they don't know and I know she might of been hot cuz u could be drunk and still know who's hot enough.
#1075 - On 07/16/2009 at 2:21pm by tomberryboy
@ #1075
NOT knowing a girl would be all the more reason to use a condom. You really don't know if the girl would have an STD or not. So NO not every guy would have sex with a girl they didn't know without using a condom.
#1083 - On 07/19/2009 at 3:22am by Shadow_Sniper
their r 3 holes use the other espacally her ass and mouth
#1078 - On 07/16/2009 at 9:51pm by tomberryboy
lmfao wow this is epically hilarious! fuck your life,man! xD
that sorta happened to one of my friends,except he wasn't drunk. the chick was just psycho.
#1082 - On 07/19/2009 at 1:55am by popgoesthecherry
What do you call people who use withdrawal as their contraceptive?
Parents.
#1086 - On 07/21/2009 at 4:25am by rsbaseballfreak
What a fuckin bitch..hahaha
but man thats hella funny
NO GLOVE NO LOVE!! damn kids these days
#1089 - On 07/22/2009 at 11:48pm by NiNA_BOBiNA
Any healthy woman can get pregnant AT ANY TIME. It is called spontaneous ovulation--and it means instead of ovulating only during the usual time during a woman's cycle, the female ovulates at an unexpected time. This occurs in reaction to sexual arousal. Women have also been known to become pregnant without the man finishing. It is not only a good idea to wear a condom to prevent pregnancy and STDs. It's probably also a good idea to have some idea who that person is--obviously some people are just crazy.
#1092 - On 07/26/2009 at 2:50pm by tejas13
Hopefully she didn't get pregnant, and hopefully you're stupidity is not hereditary, I can't believe you're so ignorant about the ways of birth control!
You're screwed for life!
That's why birth control should never be in the sole control of one person, it takes two to make a baby, so it takes to to make sure that doesn't happen.
IDIOT!
That's the kind of bitch you marry haha, dirty little hoe
#1101 - On 08/05/2009 at 5:22pm by Poonmagnet
I love the "I couldn't get out in time" and the fact that we have to assume what's going to happen afterwards. I feel sorry for you.
#1105 - On 08/10/2009 at 4:06pm by kaspertheman
rofl. fuck your life deffiantly! i agree with 855.. you could of got aids or hiv. & it's your fault for having sex with someone you barely know.
#1107 - On 08/12/2009 at 1:29am by x3sunshine
though your chances of getting her preggers are low, if she had an STD, then yr chances of getting that are quite high. pregnancy is not the only downside to unprotected sex, straight people still seem to think that they are immune from STDS. tsk tsk tsk.
#1108 - On 08/12/2009 at 7:12pm by mr_charming
that sucks... but YDI! i agree with #1114: no glove, no love!
#1122 - On 08/24/2009 at 10:00pm by lucky_nooot
sucks for you but this is seriously the funniest one ive heard YET
as for the girl you were F'n ...what a physco slutt
#1124 - On 08/26/2009 at 4:39pm by manduhh85241
toooo funny! dont know if i should say she is a slut or your a dumb dummy..lol but welcome to a lifetime of headaches and regrets, better hope your swimmer arent working
Seeing how six months has passed between the OP and now, I'm curious as to what has happened, if he knows ...
YDI, dumbass. I hope she gets pregnant and you both have to deal with that.
#1133 - On 09/03/2009 at 10:02pm by katewasherexx
Omg! Crazy bitch!!
But seriously you deserve it! Use a condom next time!
#1135 - On 09/05/2009 at 3:12pm by swedishgirl
Omg! Crazy bitch!!
But seriously you deserve it! Use a condom next time!
#1136 - On 09/05/2009 at 3:46pm by swedishgirl
My old health teacher had this terrible joke... but put in this context it's pretty freaking funny now. "Do you know what they call people who pull out? Parents."
So... good luck with that whole baby daddy thing.
#1137 - On 09/09/2009 at 5:52am by Lobotomy_Girl
YDI for getting drunk. YDI for having unprotected sex. YDI for everything else you've done that's YDI-able.
#1142 - On 09/13/2009 at 4:28am by antonioohama
that doesn't work there's 1000s of sperm on an erect penis before ejaculating get a mourning after pill or plan B
I'm pretty sure were all wondering whether u had a kid or not
#1147 - On 09/20/2009 at 4:08am by echrisinger
um. wait, why are we so worried about pregnancy here ? So, she takes the day after pill... or you get an abortion. the real issue is your vulnerability to non curable STD's, like herpes, or, worst case scenario, HIV.
i say... in 3 months time, get you ass to an aids clinic and make sure you're clean. not like this actually happened to the individual who posted anyway... but for everyone else who read this -HIV is quite serious.
Haha, thats horrible.
Way to pick the girl who wanted a baby.
#1151 - On 09/25/2009 at 12:50pm by BrookDarling
ITs a JOKE!
Like everything here on this webpage!
I read this joke in a gamer magasine 2 months ago.
FML yep, just stfu and tell a real story.
#1152 - On 09/27/2009 at 5:32pm by Mandalorian
Hahahaha! Ahhh, This never gets old. FYL for not having a condom and fuvking a random girl and YDI for not using a condom and fucking a random girl.
#1159 - On 10/05/2009 at 4:22am by SKiTTL3SZBEDSTUY
i worry about catching some STD or having your balls rotting before worrying about getting her pregnant. always guard the troops before going in. YDI for having unprotected sex with a stranger.
#1160 - On 10/06/2009 at 2:07am by hrtstealer
WholeHeartedly, I consider this a real FML. Unlike some of these lame time waste FML's here. But more or less, (more actually) this is your fault for not wrapping your tool. You Fail'd
#1161 - On 10/06/2009 at 2:25pm by Super_Vegetto
That's what you get for doing it with a stranger with no rubber. I mean really when it comes down to not using any protection try to get a bj or hj man. or at least get the seran wrap and a rubberband
#1166 - On 10/11/2009 at 8:45pm by xclegend613
just so you know, if you had put it in her ass, she won't be getting pregnant. she deserves it for pulling a devious and decietful stunt like this. no lube.
#1168 - On 10/15/2009 at 10:32am by skidbubble
I've got two words for you OP: FALCON!!... PUNCH!!!. It solves teen pregnancy and it can work for you. :)
#1174 - On 11/01/2009 at 5:37pm by Baylorbound2012
not pulling out doesnt mean shes pregnant now besides if she is pregnant it couldve happened even if you pulled out on a side note use a condom for those STDs and be happy you get laid once in a while bro
both of you are 'tards. you shoulda known that pulling out doesn't work and she shouldn't have been a d/a
#1180 - On 11/18/2009 at 5:16pm by SupaSwaggin
lol.... well now ur screwed :)
have fun as a father
#1184 - On 11/28/2009 at 4:21pm by computergeek836
That woman is awful LMAO!
YDI it for hooking up with a girl u don't even know
BUT also fyl man.
#1187 - On 12/08/2009 at 4:30pm by midnight92
Coulda used a candy bar wraper (Twinkie) or put some paper towls/tissues around it...I mean cmon get creative
possiblity of baby and sexually transmitted disease?! I hope both fir you :] and pulling out works dip shits. I'm living proof. ha. ha.
#1201 - On 01/03/2010 at 4:41am by grampa_pubes666
hey, think about it; maybe she'll be too hungover in the morning that she won't remember the baby's daddy. and if she calls you or sees you anywhere, and says you got her pregnant, say you have no idea who she is and don't EVER take a DNA test! good luck
#1203 - On 01/03/2010 at 12:00pm by pokewolfey
lol! "it's ok u can pull out ". few minutes later. "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!". LMAO LOL that's going in the books
wow this is in the top top and the top flop... am I the only one feeling the hole growing in reality :0
#1210 - On 01/12/2010 at 12:08am by infernalpuppet
hmm....FYL, but you shouldn't have been having drunk sex, it never ends well
#1215 - On 01/15/2010 at 12:56am by Echogreen911
9 months after OP posted. what is the story dude. follow up please.
#1216 - On 01/16/2010 at 2:57am by hrtstealer
Best pregnancy prevention plan:
Vasectomy
Tied Tubes
Birth Control
Condom
Pull Out
If she gets pregnant, everyone must convert to any form of Christianity immediately.
Just pretend it never happened. It's her fault, then again in 40 Years if he/she wants to meet you, your screwed.
#1250 - On 02/06/2010 at 1:18pm by blackllama
if some chick did that to me. I'd punch her in the face so she pull away. I ain't having no kids. lol
#1254 - On 02/09/2010 at 3:37am by seanseansean321
