Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
He basically told you to go **** yourself....
norwegianboip 17
Well.. It is the finale ..
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Comments (314)
norwegianboip 17
Well.. It is the finale ..
Caitie_kid 8
I agree, he could've been nicer about it, but if it's a show he's really really into and she wanted to be around him, she should've asked if she could come over and watch it with him. I can guarantee that if the finale of Grey's Anatomy was on and he texted her wanting to have "fun", she would have said no too.
ksks1234 33
She automatically like Grey's anatomy because she is female?
Caitie_kid 8
Actually I picked that show because I like it. Not because she's female.
ButterflyLadyBug 14
yeah #71 . you should've said something like Scandal . not Grey's Anatomy lol . being a Scandal fan that's something I'll never miss but also that's why there are DVR's . I'll record it before I'm ever straight rude to someone . or .... I just won't answer the phone . :)
ms_YoungMula 8
Breaking Bad > "fun"
threer 30
Or say Doctor Who! Or Sherlock!!! Or.. Supernatural!!!!!!!
jnanderson 16
Or cliche fandom shows that aren't really that great because fans ruined them!
Llama_Face89 33
Women in my area have lady-bonkers for True Blood..
Llama_Face89 33
Ha! Meant lady-boners! Oh autocorrect...
BrotherPhil 35
It still works.
DLS930 21
You should know better
SnowboarderFX 14
And use it..
hugozac88 22
Like a ******* sir lol
nikkipettyfer 24
Next time he wants to have "fun" make up a similar excuse
UberNova 18
Why do people always feel the need to get back (it seems females do this more) at their partner? He could've said it less rude yes, but not having sex for a reason like this is immature and stupid. Shit like this is one of the reasons I'm glad I'm single.
happle 21
Your view on relationships is very bleak.
Zimmington 21
65- I agree about the revenge part it isn't necessary. but as far as that being the reason you're single?... I doubt it
ileenefudge 29
Well, The Walking Dead is popular enough for that type of backlash...
UberNova 18
116 - I said "Glad i'm single".
Czech_Zidane 14
He was the first who had said "no sex today" just because a TV show was on. Why not to let him feel the same?
hghrider123456 9
He basically told you to go **** yourself....
firerosearien 4
can't stop laughing. I am a horrible person.
MissBubblesXoxo 17
@5 Oops thumbed down your comment by mistake! But that was ******* hillarious!
hghrider123456 9
Your crime shall haunt your dreams forever!!!!
I_AM_DEATHXx 7
Brb dieing lol
museerux01 10
Respond with "well it is bigger"
seemore123 10
I wouldn't miss Breaking Bad for the world, but I have to agree that he could have been much nicer about it.
Laserbeaver 6
So now you can **** yourself *takes off glasses* Litterally
Welshite 39
*throws trash*
LowExpectations 30
Boo this man! (Hands out rotting tomatoes and cabbage.)
DrownedMyFish 18
Forget the tomatoes! This situation calls for pitchforks and torches!
MrSassypants 33
#32 No thanks, I'm full, and boy are my arms tried. #7 QUICK! I'm holding 'em off with a terrible joke. Run away while you still can. I'm meaty so I can take the nibbles, but you're just skin and bones. RUN, BOY! RUN!
hghrider123456 9
I feel like someone just said this exact same thing.....
chaosincarnate 8
#49 I wonder who that was?
xoxAxox 10
I love breaking bad I would say the same thing but way more nice.
pwnman 33
Another thing is proven that he doesn't care of you. Dump him. FYL.
sicksadworld1317 30
I wouldn't jump straight to dumping him, but if he speaks to her that disrespectfully often it is a red flag to watch out for.
astralvagan 20
here's the thing.... Breaking Bad was ending forever..... Sex will be there another day.... I wouldn't say dump him...
threer 30
Don't remind us.. No more meth :-(.
RustlingSoul 26
Thats too cruel. Breaking Bad is gone now. Forever. All Eternity. (tears up) But sex will be there. Mabye you couldve gone to his place WHILE he was watching Breaking Bad.
applebramble 22
Wouldn't they have had a replay of the episode the next day though?
DEATHBYEX1LE 11
249 - You've obviously never seen breaking bad. You can't just WAIT a few days
fml85483 19
The world doesn't revolve around you...
NSN82 13
Why does everyone think OP is complaining about being turned down for sex? It's obviously about what her boyfriend said. If not, then she would have just post "Today, I didn't get to have sex, because my boyfriend chose the Breaking Bad finale over me FML."
NessaMae 19
exactly 150, I don't think OP is complaining about being turned down, I think she's complaining about the rude language he used.
little_one 20
Uh I'd say the same thing and I'm a woman. You don't get it cause your obviously not a fan. Who asks for sex during the finale????!!!! She obviously doesn't listen because he would have mentioned it like 5 million others! OP is the heartless one not paying attention to him. Correct my if I'm wrong but he said you a have a ******* ***** and in fact it is a ***** you ****. I'm just sayin'
ohBergy 3
He shouldve let you over and had sex while watching breaking bad
LowExpectations 30
(Loosens tie and wipes sweat off forehead.) That sounds hot, continue sir.
Enslaved 36
That's why doggie style is the best. You can both watch "Breaking Bad" at the same time. :P
annie_nk 22
If she isn't interested in the show, then a ******* is the way to go.
Enslaved 36
Calm down there annie, it's not like it's his birthday! :P **Flashback of your posted FML**
annie_nk 22
You have quite the memory there! That was posted almost a year ago lol.
Enslaved 36
Oh yeah, my memory is amazing. Unfortunately, I tend to remember more than I care too. :P But your FML was extra funny so it was easy to come to mind when you wrote about a BJ. (:
astralvagan 20
I like the way you think!
Goblin182 26
even if she does like Breaking Bad, a ******** is still a good idea.