Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML
Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML
Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
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Top comments
jsp16 24
Is your boyfriend Chris Brown?
PimpdaddyCJT 13
I guess he's not into the whole 'lets do some kinky shit in bed thing' huh?
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Comments (123)
LindsayxMoore 18
Wow how rude!
Uramonkey 11
And I will be the first person to suggest that maybe he misheard the word punish for punch. They are pretty close and the FML still makes sense.
hemz_fml 13
He obviously isn't into that.
TysGirl14 8
"I'm going to punish you straight in the face." hmmm. Might be a bit of a stretch.
Enslaved 36
I don't know, **** now a days with these so called "facials"? It really doesn't seem too far of a stretch. I get freaked out whenever I have these Mary Kay reps trying to get me to buy their make-up by offering me a free home facial-- I get way too many dirty thoughts. :P
RedPillSucks 31
But it's free! How about a pedi for those toes?
OneGirlTwoCups 13
Hmmm I think it's a nice gesture to OP!
salazara 10
I know, SHE was being so rude!
yoyoforpeace 14
Sounds like my boyfriend OP... I would've started laughing. Not quite an FML I'm sure he is joking.
daniel12823 3
Why does this have so many bad votes???
jsp16 24
Is your boyfriend Chris Brown?
persianninja 23
Sounds like him
8born8 18
chris brown is a modern day ike turner history never repeats? yeah right!
Daiyuki 5
Who the hell is Ike Turner.
TheBrochure 22
#63 - Who the hell are You?
justfienne 12
People should google the tumblr post "celebrities (other than Chris brown) who have committed violence against women" and consider why he and Ike turner are literally the only ones we associate w/ beating women and all these others' violent episodes are overlooked and or forgiven... Food for thought. P.s. I seriously dislike Brown myself, but I disagree with the nonsense of letting these other guys get away with violence and not Chris.
jsp16 24
88, Are you Chris Brown?
kyla_milan13 5
The best comment for the FML. NO DOUBT. IM DYING
PimpdaddyCJT 13
I guess he's not into the whole 'lets do some kinky shit in bed thing' huh?
jw90 18
So much for spicing things up in the bedroom
thatdangmexican 18
Well, you asked for it!
Zimmington 21
said the husband who beat his wife
Alicestraza 33
And that's why fetishes should be discussed beforehand.
wolfgold2 20
i have a food fetish
rachxxo 9
Whoa. I'd probably take it easy on the dirty talk from now on. Not really his thing from the looks of it
whyisitincapital 25
Or you could combine the two, and delve into either anal fisting or face slapping.
iAlissa 34
What kind of kinky shit are you in to?
Daiyuki 5
... Anal fisting and face slapping, obviously
grahmagog 14
Its not every man's strong point
AGB10 19
MCP at its worst in bed. Sorry OP. many guys would kill for a girlfriend as kinky as you are.