Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22846) - you totally deserved it (54815)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)
YDI.. i guess brittney isnt the only "put on the show kind of girl"
#2 - On 05/09/2009 at 8:11pm by zoo
Bet he lost his hardness after that mishap, ehh?
P.S. UR a ficking idjut
#3 - On 05/09/2009 at 8:12pm by urafickingidjut
Should've practiced on a banana first.
Girls. *Facepalm*
#6 - On 05/09/2009 at 8:13pm by BlackWolfVII
1. Gross.
2. You're not even supposed to do that, anyway.
#10 - On 05/09/2009 at 8:15pm by Lotus_Eater
he shoulda just put it on by deep throating that shit.
situation solvved
#12 - On 05/09/2009 at 8:19pm by Tonkatruckerboii
practice makes
well... better at least
try a banana first next time
#13 - On 05/09/2009 at 8:19pm by grlwitperlEring
This is why you should only put condoms on with your hands, as they were designed.
#18 - On 05/09/2009 at 8:23pm by PierreChaqueJour
lmbo! hahaha...shows you what you shouldn't be doing! but atleast he knows you swallow! XD
#22 - On 05/09/2009 at 8:24pm by Lifeless_search7
And this is why, my friends, we should all have paid attention in sex ed back in high school.
Condoms are to be put on with your hands while pinching the tip.
@OP: Completely deserved. You should also learn how to construct a sentence, your post is almost unreadable. English is one of the languages where word order matters.
#34 - On 05/09/2009 at 8:53pm by Callyn
Aw I'm sorry. But I must admit, that was freaking hilarious.
#42 - On 05/09/2009 at 9:22pm by MrsLovett
You didn't deserve it, not sure why people are saying that. It's actually a fairly common thing to do.
#43 - On 05/09/2009 at 9:23pm by Cerataphora
#10 obviously your like 12 becuase you can put it on that way if you want, theirs no specific way to put on a condom
#44 - On 05/09/2009 at 9:25pm by wowloser1717
#39: LOL... terrible advice, dude. Don't quit your day job.
#46 - On 05/09/2009 at 9:29pm by NoBounceNoPlay
Bahaha. it reminds me when i swallowed a condom chewing on ittt!! hhaa yur not alone=]
#47 - On 05/09/2009 at 9:37pm by porkchop69
#7: hahaha
#10: how old are we? chill, and yeah you can. lmao
#49 - On 05/09/2009 at 9:38pm by justxdream
haha i bet he lost his hardness after that huh? that really sucks for you.
#54 - On 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm by latinchica1096
I moderated this one too lol. Hahaha maybe you should try it the old fashioned way? Ya know, with your hands? Lmao
#59 - On 05/09/2009 at 10:22pm by Itsallgoodhere
yeah, probably not the most effective way to put on a condom....and #47--um...WHAT THE HELL WHERE YOU DOING CHEWING ON A CONDOM?!?! That's really weird...and YDI it too for chewing on it.
Anyone mentioned how it's dangerous to use your mouth to unwrap/put on a condom, as it could make a SMALL, UNNOTICEABLE HOLE in it, making it completely ineffective against both pregnancy or STDs.
If nobody said this before, then here it is! Sex Ed 101 at your service.
#61 - On 05/09/2009 at 10:29pm by UsingLogic
Did you also choke on something else later on? (Dammit 7 you took mine lol)
#64 - On 05/09/2009 at 10:47pm by Antonio718
mm thats unfortunate.
why would u use ur teeth, yea that would be dumb..
how about if she would have placed it correctly on the tip and then use her lips to slide it down? lol idk ive never tried that but im just saying, it might work
hahaha in case you ever wanna try againnn
lmao
i dont think it was a stupid idea tho, you were trying to be freakyyy, which is gooood ;)
#66 - On 05/09/2009 at 10:51pm by lilcuti3pi389
I don't really get it, why would you freak out? You knew what you were doing.... right?
#71 - On 05/09/2009 at 11:19pm by genius_man16
WAIT can we all yell at #58?
i mean; LOOK AT THEIR DAMN COMMENT PEOPLE
and 15 fails. oh yeah and 58
#73 - On 05/09/2009 at 11:22pm by bahahaha
wow look at comment #15....
wow, seriously? F***ing prude religious b**ch
#74 - On 05/09/2009 at 11:32pm by MyLifeSucks6969
zzzzzzzWell it looks like you survived, didn't you.
#77 - On 05/09/2009 at 11:53pm by the_question_mar
Lol #15, for all you know she got divorced and has a new boyfriend. Is she supposed to just go without sex for a couple of years after getting it every night?
i've considered doing that. but condoms taste disgusting, really.
#80 - On 05/10/2009 at 12:14am by starvingxartist
Yeah, when you've got something that can easily kill you in your mouth, freaking out isn't exactly the best thing to do. At least your alive, right?
#82 - On 05/10/2009 at 12:20am by AndelleRae
you can swallow whats INSIDE the condom.
dont swallow the condom ;)
#88 - On 05/10/2009 at 1:22am by fivealive143
this is horrible and i feel really bad.
but this would happen to me and i feel much better that this happend to someone besides myself
hahahahah.
#90 - On 05/10/2009 at 2:23am by eskimokurra
Ah yes, instead of correctly putting on the condom, you instead tried to do an act that could instead render the condom useless because of a tear. Glad to know those safe-sex lessons are working for you non-abstinent people.
For everyone who says she should have been using her hands to put on the condom, how do you know she HAS hands. What if she only has one finger that she can use to type this FML, but as far as condoms are concerned, she is forced to have to use her mouth!
Moreover, it's completely reasonable that she might have freaked out. What if she has some kind of safe-sex anxiety disorder!
I feel bad for you...
#94 - On 05/10/2009 at 3:34am by SituationMan
This one defs isnt bullshit. my ex did it once. It is the little things in life that bring me pleasure :)
#99 - On 05/10/2009 at 4:45am by spacebarry
What I want to know is why you freaked out. Seriously, what about this situation would cause you to freak out? Completely illegitimate reason and inappropriate situation for a freakout, if you're not mature enough to handle a sexual situation without freaking out, then you shouldn't be involved in it in the first place.
#100 - On 05/10/2009 at 4:54am by amatthew_03
lol @ 7.
I came here to comment what #100 just did. XD Really, if you decide to do something like that, what about it would freak you out?! You made that decision.
#103 - No, abstinence is something people with certain morals abide to. I'm abstinent by choice. I've had several opportunities to lose my virginity, but I like to stay strong in my faith, and honestly wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were to have sex before marriage.
@104 stop pretending youre special. youre gonna be completely disappointed when your first time isnt the heavenly experience youre expecting. stop putting sex on a false pedestal, youre an animal, learn to fuck. its normal. youre not.
#105 - On 05/10/2009 at 8:24am by organisedchaos
OMG!I guess you should get some points for using a condom, but maybe you should stick to abstinence Before you die!
That sucks. I really don't understand why you would "freak out," though. If you pulled it off (or, more correctly in this case, put it on), it would have been hot. I'd love for a girl to do that trick on me if she knows what the fuck she's doing. Putting on a condom always kills the momentum of sex for me.
#115 - On 05/10/2009 at 12:21pm by Blind_Ninja
i totally understand where you're coming from #116, but if it was done to me, definitely would've kept me going :) but A for effort, D- for implementation
#116 - On 05/10/2009 at 12:32pm by brkn_hearted
My school didn't teach us how to put condoms on, they just told us to wait till marriage, and to use a condom.
Contradictions FTW!
And putting a condom on with your mouth sounds kinky o.0
why are some of you attacking her for doing something kinky? This is her boyfriend not some random person. That's kind of cool that she wanted to do something like that for him to spice things up.
To bad it didn't go so well. Be more careful next time I guess.
#122 - On 05/10/2009 at 7:17pm by animaguskid
ahahahahaha wow that's hilarious...kinda sucks but so funny!
#123 - On 05/10/2009 at 7:26pm by countrygurl
Lol i have done that before ; try 69 while putting on a condam and being entertained with sex toys = hottt
this is for #35 - callyn
The words "sentence" and "post" should be separated with a semicolon in order to avoid a run-on.
Also, in your following sentence, "where" is used inappropriately - the english language is not a place. "in which" is what you were looking for.
English is one of the languages where grammar matters.
You are a typical bastard&moron.
#129 - On 05/11/2009 at 1:35am by asshole825
i'm really glad there are other people on here that thought #15 was as funny as i did
#130 - On 05/11/2009 at 1:37am by fuckmeamiright
I'm with 116 ... I'm a woman who'd honestly like to learn that trick. The trouble is that it sounds like a GREAT way to asphyxiate yourself, this story being exhibit A in that case.
Seriously, it's like letting a kid chew on a balloon. Just not wise. And now I'll never work up the guts to try it because this FML will be running through my head!
Folks, we almost witnessed Darwin's theory of natural selection in action
#134 - On 05/11/2009 at 11:21am by CPTobvious
lol god you people are retarded
one if you do it right it's completely safe. i don't know about you but i don't tend to chew on a dick when i'm giving head. ie. you don't even use your teeth at all.
secondly, you can actually catch stds from oral sex. the odds are far lower than through vaginal/anal penetration but the risk is still there. why the hell do you think they make flavoured condoms in the first place? so your ass will taste like strawberries after?
that said, obviously she didn't do it right.
58: i hope your kidding, or youre a moron
i hope the condom wasn't lubricated, those taste awful!
#143 - On 05/12/2009 at 12:58am by waxstigmata
I am a blonde and I have successfully put a condom on my boyfriend....now husband. I wouldn't want to do it again though, because regular condoms definitely don't taste all that great and there would be no point in getting the flavored ones if the plan was to have sex in the first place.
To the OP, I hope your boyfriend is understanding and at least appreciated the effort. I am also not certain what you freaked out about, unless you were concerned you were going to bite him or swallow/choke on the condom like you ended up doing.
I would practice with a few bananas or something else similar in shape before trying that again.
#144 - On 05/12/2009 at 2:40pm by patray_angel
A lot of idiot comments here.
First, you are doing it wrong. Second, I would have pimp slapped you for even thinking about putting on a condom. Do I put a glove on before I fist you? No. Third, if you really like him, and want to show your sexual prowness, put the condom over your butthole, and let HIM put it on his willy without using your hands. That will show you really care.
Well it could be worse but I think it's a FML for him. Today, my girlfriend wanted to show me a new trick to spice things up in our relationship. She was trying to a put a condom on me using only her mouth. She ended up choking on it, and I didn't get any sex. FML.
#154 - On 05/13/2009 at 8:07pm by sum_blak_dude
#138, thank you, lol
and yeah wtf, freaking out about wat?
calm down, or you are going to fuck up
#165 - On 05/19/2009 at 9:33am by stronghammer
ahahahah thats hallarious
atleast you didnt die, and you can try again!
#167 - On 05/19/2009 at 9:27pm by strange001
LMFAO! Yeah I laughed my ass off at this one. And your bf probably did too. fyl.
#169 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:25pm by iroquoiswho1033
Lmfao @ All these females that wanna try this, were gonna have more then one "swallowed condom FML" post's. rotfl.
that'd be an interesting story for him to give your parents, had you choked and died
#172 - On 05/23/2009 at 10:06pm by stupid_ass_peopl
i can see the headline on the news " teenager chokes to death on condom" haha
#173 - On 05/24/2009 at 12:18am by isthisonetaken
Wow thiers some freaky people on fml. Hahahah and it sucks put you should of thought about it bettre and it sounds like you may have been nervous and stuff. But over all thier are always wierd stories like this when it comes to sex you just got to be mature enough to handle them.
#177 - On 05/26/2009 at 8:31pm by trapiadora
hahahaha wow. nice one. ur not even supposed to do that
#178 - On 05/27/2009 at 3:12pm by taylor17lover
Ok I applaud you for attempted to be sexy for your boyfriend and all. But remember safety first.
#181 - On 06/03/2009 at 7:40pm by Diligent17
this is actually ridiculous... who the eff does that?
its one thing to put it on like that (stupid) but to choke on it?
you must be completely special for that.
#183 - On 06/06/2009 at 11:48pm by klutzilla1275
hahahahah i kno someone who did that.... she goes to my school..... what a slut that girl is hahahah same girl?
#185 - On 06/20/2009 at 5:22am by itspillzhaha
why even have a condom
if ur going to use ur mouth to put it on
teeth tears
=.=
#190 - On 07/24/2009 at 11:16pm by broke_otaku
