Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML
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Top comments
jleon 0
hahahhhshahHahahahahaha
Alexitis1 3
r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)
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Comments (361)
jleon 0
hahahhhshahHahahahahaha
todo350 0
lmao she thought she was on a farm :D
Dr_Uglord 0
well she's got the right motion :S
piinkbunnii 1
She probably had flashbacks!!!
panda907 0
ahaha farm fetish maybe?
Notjustanother1 0
I wouldn't care what she was saying as long as she was doing a GOODJOB
moni_bee 0
at least she didn't say " small utters"
BrilliantBeauty 0
awkward.
NzxtZ06 0
29= win. stop complaining bro, at least she's giving you a handjob. I've enough trouble getting one from my wife
KiddNYC1O 22
so what's the problem, op?
rohosoccer08 1
haha well I guess if it works
Maelific 0
Today I was giving my husband a hj and I got so bored I starting singing. FML OP ur just a tard. ur wife gives ya a handjob. as far as I'm concerned she could whistle Dixie! next time sing along and do the coux de gras ok the high note. lol
cincin75 0
مرحبا ، انا cincin
cincin75 0
Op u should milk some for her.
Ms_Jessie22 8
Wow whiner much OP? Get over it, at least you're getting some!
MuuuChuuu 5
dats sooo funi.....but hws this an fml op ur getin what u wnted!
namnams 3
#29 <3
imbatman_fml 0
OP is a bitch, my woman can recite te works of William Shakespeare as long as she does it.
Giorgio272 2
did she milk you onto her udders? you could make some nice dick cheese outta it, me thinks.
cyberotter 0
sex farm animal... spinal tap ftw
godofcyanide 8
No thanks on dick cheese, #74. But you're right; this ain't no FML. OP is an ingrate. Be glad a woman deemed your penis worthy of touching. :D
seelefire 0
Get some earplugs
pokerjedi 0
dude you need a sense of humor. she = awesome girlfriend you = douchbag
xchrist 0
udders not utters
cabbitt 0
Quit whining. Geez.
blindyblonde13 0
she is hilarious, get a sence of humor op!
MichieBabiie 0
Lmao she was just joking around Geez
tjrocks1294 0
you shouldve mooooed
KiddNYC1O 22
lmfao 91
xHabsfanx 0
Lmao 33
youngrob 0
seriously what's the problem with that!? you better talk back be like "that's right get all the milk out"
mellovesyuh 0
Wtff does OP and YDI meann??
kalixzo 11
original poster and you deserve it
ButterflyLadyBug 14
Haaaaaaaaa!!! Did it milk?? ;)
kiss_of_death 0
HAHAHA
IchbinSyn 0
Guys complaining when they ARE getting some what's next???
roverboy1337 0
muu, if I was getting one from you, you could sing hymns or psalms and I wouldn't complain or post an fml.
120796gators 0
let's look at the choices. get a handjob from ur gf with a bit of mooing or get no handjob and **** by yourself with peace and quiet. I personally wud pick door #1
upintheorange 5
I'm sure i've seen more than one fml where roverboy is harassing muuuchuuu.
KiddNYC1O 22
135- ditto
MrSassypants 34
it makes me laugh cuz u got a handjob and some people put u deserved it
120796gators 0
and how did this get posted no one should have said yes to this post
phillyboss25 0
did u unload ur milk in her mouth?
phillyboss25 0
did u unload ur milk in her mouth?
FMLFoshoz 0
#5 lmfao Mooooow.!XD
alphabravo76 0
/me wants a handjob, milk the penis is hot!
kidsanchez1 4
at least she didn't make fun of it's size or made you cum really fast
iSwag 0
lol she was in the zone...just go with it...because if you don't another guy will
falluke17 0
everytime 64 comments, I feel like punching babies...
bARbi3_d0Ll 0
awwww that's cute ^.^
degrassilovur 0
lmfao. thats hilarious...!! and stop complaining :p
comedychick 1
lmfaoooooooo made my day
priscilla_28 5
hahaha milk it milk it milk it!
jdub28 0
tell her to drink the milk that your penis produces. problem solved. she stops talking and you get a BJ.
nxthendrix123 0
hahaha
HORvath 0
Hey broski, ya gotta big dick. You should use it.
Kr3tS22 0
jajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaja lol
MuuuChuuu 5
wow what's your problem #154?!
melissamoshh 0
hahahaha this made my day. you have have mooed or something.
roverboy1337 0
...I could find out what 154's problem is, if you'd only give me one chance. #135,137 if muu were mine, I could harrass you.
adrii09 0
lol that's so funny!! :D
AA357 0
that's HOT!
automatedeffemel 0
83 is right. I love it when you can make jokes and have fun while getting it on. She was obviously joking, op.
only1eminem 0
i'd rather that then a girl with ductape give me one
Courtboo 0
hahhahahaha
BagelPower 0
80- it seems that in your DP you have a banana in your pocket ^^
franswa22 0
handjobs suck, I can do it better myself. should have just asked for a bj. at least then if she tried talking u couldn't understand it anyway
deathcab7 0
haha wow, thats great. I dont think i would ever use those choice of words if i was the girl but whatever works for herr! and ^^^ how do hj suck!?
cambridge_fml 0
that's kinda hot
wilkshire13 0
33 - u look Luke Miley Cyrus
wilkshire13 0
like*
hayleyjames 0
#80 you look like you have a boner in that pic
Dcdoughnutz 0
lahp 0
you shoudl of said "its not going to work! there seems to be a blockage, your going to have to suck it out."
rebdoom 0
I hate FMLs with people complaining about their partner joking during sex. At least you guys are getting some. Lighten up. Me and my boyfriend say and do weird shit like this during sex all the time. It makes it more fun. You're going to be the guy the girl dumps because the sex is so routine and boring.
ChrissyCaustic 0
xD. That's just funny.
NatDancer2010 0
personally sounding like a five year old while doing that type of stuff would just creep me out.. so I say fyl cuz not a turn on at all
RabenSchwartz 3
75 ftw
itsJerryTime 0
ur girl got mental problems is just bad at saying the wrong thing at the wrong time
Sunset_Taco 0
rotflmaowwmpwlaebamsy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunset_Taco 0
lol miiiiiiiillk it. she must have been a redneck! maaaake a sandwich maaaaake a sandwich
tails9888 5
hahahahhahagaa
CrazySmileyFace 0
milk that goood!! lmao that made me laugh out louddd
SupxD 0
oh wow your really cute..!
validus 0
not possilbe, first off, not enough milk, next, no lactic acid lol
cfbeaner 0
lmaooo
Doclight_fml 0
Idc what anyone says... that is hot.
chanted 0
lol..agreed!
Eleex99 0
HAHA THAT CRACKED ME UP!
MatheusRajuidas 5
IMO the problem iiiis... That she has no mental problems, but that it was told to make it hotter... I'ld love that.
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Got milk?
tin_cup 27
They don't
tin_cup 27
Not meant to be a turn on. Meant to have fun.
Skycayenne 0
hahaha!!
Alexitis1 3
r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)
mylifeisaverage9 0
Well that IS the general idea XD
maelissa1 0
Exactly, give her a bit of credit for doing the right thing!
Skycayenne 0
agreed with #6!
mylifeisaverage9 0
Thank ya thank ya lol
twinkiefeets 17
Is that a dachshund!!!! I love dachshunds!!!!!
snonky002 1
be proud that she deems it large enough to be compared to an udder :)
LizabethLashay 0
LMAO!!!!
LizabethLashay 0
lol.. u sir, got milked!
Dopeyrox 0
why is this an FML? you were getting a hand job and your girlfriend is funny as hell and your complaining?
RosaOnThis 0
It's a bit of a buzz kill lmaoooo
funkymunky27 0
rosaonthis what are you doing!?
funkymunky27 0
rosaonthis what are you doing!?
KiddNYC1O 22
does it matter what she's doing?? she has sexy legs
RosaOnThis 0
On a boat.. posing
brycey464 0
agreed
megamandude455 10
mmooooooooooooo