Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
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Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
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Top comments
Pwn17 25
Who gives a shit about what she thinks?
DocBastard 38
Well that was rather unprofessional of him. What kind of doctor talks rudely to his patients like that? *whistles innocently*
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Comments (91)
Pwn17 25
Who gives a shit about what she thinks?
joawmeens 7
OP can't give a shit... It's like you didn't even read the FML!!
Futacy 29
[Insert poorly written, overly-defensive statement personally attacking #9 based off of profile picture.]
Pesticides 19
[insert witty comment about not staying on topic]
hemz_fml 13
Sorry OP but your diet is pretty unhealthy if you aren't getting the proper amount of fibre.
RoboCunnilingus 23
#12 You have a problem with elephants, man?
Chibitalia180 6
34, it's possible to get heavily constipated even with the proper amount of fiber.
Sylvasa 15
if that doesn't work, have them check in the hospital if your intestins tied a knot in themselves; can be dangerous.
DocBastard 38
Wait, what? How the **** do intestines tie themselves in a knot? I must have missed that day of medical school.
buckdharma 37
But they can get bottled up I think.
hooligyn123 18
Doc, the only possible thing I can think #2 meant was intussusception... Or maybe there is just magical malicious bowel tying faeries....
wlddog 14
Hold the phone... Are you telling me I have intestines that CANT tie themselves up like a bondage fetish fan? I want a refund.
graceinsheepwear 33
No, 20, you're thinking of that they can get a bottle up IN them, as Doc's lovely xray shows.
love_me_electric 20
They can't actually tie themselves in a knot, but there is something called 'twisted bowel syndrome' where your intestines get wrapped around each other and it causes blockage. My neighbors dog died from it.
joawmeens 7
My advise to you is to NOT tell your mom that she is full of shit. That's way too easy of a setup for her.
Pesticides 19
I'm sorry op, nobody likes to have stomach cramps.
Queensland 27
Yep. But us women get them monthly. :(
emilyjgraham 34
Quit complaining 8! Everyone knows that women get monthly cramps! I'm just thinking how they haven't realised they've not been regular for the past few months? Surely that wouldn't go a miss???
graceinsheepwear 33
8, you might want to get your uterus moved out of your stomach before trying to conceive if you are having monthly stomach cramps.
k_lylepad 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You know what they say, a prune a day...
Psychicgirl17 18
No one says that
MilkyFilmz 26
Where the hell did you hear that?
feelingold 18
it's a play on "an apple a day" - not exactly side-splittingly (/bowel-twistingly?) funny but surely an 'A' for effort
hordriss 14
Really mean of your mother to laugh at you though. Having suffered many different issues with my digestive system I sympathise as they are all ******* painful.
clever_name_here 7
I agree. OP's mom is being a bitch
badgirl00069 19
should watch what ur ingesting from now on could have something to do with it my bf had the same issue but cause of the food he ate gave him a gas bubble in his intestines
graceinsheepwear 33
Isn't that called a fart?
MilkyFilmz 26
Oh,and please acknowledge the use of a period.
greeneyebeauty9 28
Please acknowledge a space.
DocBastard 38
Well that was rather unprofessional of him. What kind of doctor talks rudely to his patients like that? *whistles innocently*
Wizardo 33
Now you have me curious to how you actually do speak with your patients, I bet they get dehydrated from all the tears they shed and you charge extra for the saline drip they need to hydrate again... evil yet genius.
boofgall 16
In my head I picture Doc like House.
DocBastard 38
I prefer to think of myself more like Perry Cox from Scrubs... without the wild, crazy hair.
junjunbun 28
The wild hair is part of the charm. :P
0h_Boy 26
At least you're not full of shit. Oh, wait...
DaLiquer 20
So you didn't realize that you haven't taken a crap in a while?
Pesticides 19
well, constipation isn't the easiest thing to notice I guess.
KiddoKS 19
Product idea... Crap calendars. They will come with several brownish colored pencils so you can draw a pic to track color and consistency also. No really, I'm gonna be a millionaire!
graceinsheepwear 33
18, It becomes much easier to notice once you start having months of cramps and start asking to go to the doctor.