April Pisces: Traps and Laughs

Laugh at the best (and worst) April 1st jokes. Watch out, you could be next!

Inflation blows

By jules - 02/03/2023 10:00 - Germany

Today, I decided I don’t need to restrict my consumption of shrimp anymore, which I used to do because they are so expensive. So, did I finally land a well-paying job? Nope. It's just that all the other kinds of seafood have risen so much in price that it doesn’t make any difference now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 115

Impatient fish

By Anonymous - 10/11/2022 08:00 - Australia

Today, two of my daughter's fish died after owning them for a year. Yesterday I spent $400 on a new bigger fish tank so that they would be happier. I built the stand, set it up, and got everything running. All I had to do was let it run for a week so that the pH would be fine for them, and then move them across. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 160

RIP in peace

By Connie - 01/04/2022 10:00

Today, my daughter decided it was a good day to put a bath bomb in the aquarium so the fish could have a relaxing bath with cool pink water. She didn’t know the fish would end up being killed. She’s 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 272

Stink bomb

By Jenni - 02/08/2021 11:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got into my car to remember that I left dead fish and waxworms in my car from fishing at the lake yesterday. We unloaded everything but those two stinky things. It was 90 degrees today too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 1 205

Poor old Kermit

By FrogMyLife - 30/07/2021 14:59 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I've been single for so long, I very nearly had a wet dream about an anthropomorphic frog. A FROG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 185

Murdered

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 20:01

Today, I woke up and checked my fish tank. I thought the temperature was too low, so half asleep, I turned it up. Now all my fish are dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 998

Fishy anxiety

By Guaranteed my ar*e - 15/11/2020 23:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I'm waiting for some live fish to be delivered for my tank. They were guaranteed by 1 p.m., so I took the morning off work. I've been unable to concentrate and have bee jumping every time a car door slams, so anxious to get them. It's now 4 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 170

Very fishy

By Bryce - 10/05/2020 02:00

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 228

Blending Nemo

By hhaghigh - 14/03/2020 00:08 - United States

Today, I was draining the water from my fishbowl out into the kitchen sink. The fish was still in it and decided to go with the flow, literally, right into the garburator. I was too scared to stick my hand down there to save it; instead I panicked and turned the garburator on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 2 548

My regret

By regret - 30/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, my little sister put me in charge of keeping her fighting fish alive. It would've been an easy task if it weren't for my crazy ex-boyfriend drunkenly forcing his way into my house, vomiting into the fishbowl and killing the fish. Only ten more hours until my family gets home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 489

Bass Pro Shops reject

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 06:00 - United States - New Rochelle

Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 388

By Ryuuchild666 - 01/10/2018 13:30

Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 521

You deserved it 216

I'll bite

By Loser - 29/06/2018 13:30 - United States - Winona

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "Salmon Dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 461

You deserved it 696

By FeedTheBirds - 06/09/2017 22:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I bought a delicious $17 lobster sandwich at a restaurant on the beach. The seagull who zoomed in and ripped it out of my hands as I was about to take the first bite seemed to enjoy it very much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 467

You deserved it 498

By Ruby Lore - 20/07/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 523

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 24/05/2017 22:00

Today, my cousin and I spent 9 hours on two separate fishing boats. This is what my cousin's boat returned with. We didn't even get a freaking nibble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 026

You deserved it 439

By Gilly - 19/05/2017 18:00

Today, my kid felt bad that our cat didn't get an Easter egg hunt at Easter so he has hidden sardines around the house for her to find. The house reeks and I don't know how many are left to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 886

You deserved it 543

Doggy bag

By DumbFish - 05/04/2017 22:00

Today, I got up the courage to go to a nice place for lunch alone. I wasn't expecting the Tilapia I ordered to be the whole fish, so I asked the waiter for a box because, "I forgot about an appointment in 20 minutes," just so he wouldn't think I was an idiot who didn't know what I was ordering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 811

You deserved it 999

By atleasthelocalsarenice - 04/03/2017 12:00

Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 432

You deserved it 591

He had to find out eventually!

By Telley21 - 16/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Rexburg

Today, I made my boyfriend a beautiful dinner of seafood and rice. This was the first time I could afford lobster, and thought it would be a great treat for us both. I learned that this was the first time he has eaten lobster, and he learned that he is allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 204

You deserved it 506

By Passtheicecream - 25/01/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 618

By JamesK - 15/12/2016 23:23

Today, I went out with my kids to eat at a nice restaurant. While I was in the bathroom, my 7-year-old daughter ordered 15 plates of "pearls" on the menu. Those "pearls" turned out to be salmon caviar. Guess who got a 425$ bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 948

You deserved it 2 635

Odd

By StupidPets - 24/08/2016 03:09 - United States - Murrysville

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 246

You deserved it 1 418

By dammitRandy - 19/06/2016 17:18 - United States - Kearny

Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 048

You deserved it 1 114

By Fish Breath - 03/06/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 029

You deserved it 4 115

Bass Pro Shop

By superfreak6 - 20/05/2016 13:25 - United States - New Orleans

Today, after fishing for 5 hours, I finally caught a respectable-sized fish. I ran to my truck to grab the scale, and then I saw my friend laughing hysterically while holding an empty net. Apparently, the only catch of our day jumped out of the net during the 15 seconds I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 926

You deserved it 1 964

By Stingraybeemonster - 07/04/2016 08:51 - Thailand

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 419

You deserved it 2 297

By Liah12 - 05/03/2016 13:52 - United States - Holt

Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 984

You deserved it 1 521

By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - 03/03/2016 05:32 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 637

You deserved it 2 562

By Anonymous - 25/05/2015 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 444

You deserved it 8 371

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Jewelry Awkward Fight Kids Family Love Students Relatable Work Birds Sleep Noise Animals Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Cats

The Top

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 229

Today, it's been a year since my wife agreed to an open marriage. A friend said at the time that she would get a lot more sex than me, and would end up leaving me. I ignored him because he's a basement dwelling Trump supporter who's never had a girlfriend. Turns out he was completely right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 996

The Top

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 974

You deserved it 38 661

Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 772

You deserved it 2 226

Today, my son has to go live with my brother, because he got his half-sister pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 310

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 183

You deserved it 44 171

Today, while working as a cart attendant, I found one of my coworkers on a lawn chair sipping on a Bud Light in the parking lot, while we both were supposed to be working, leaving me to push carts by myself. My boss comes out to me catching my breath and tells me to work harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 545

You deserved it 1 978

Today, I celebrated my 18th birthday. Alone. My only birthday wish came from the police officer who gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 661

You deserved it 3 844