Weird, Wanker and Intimacy: Why would you say that? - FML

Why would you say that?

By Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 029

You deserved it 1 476

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Same thing different taste

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 253

Welcome to the funhouse

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 02:00 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, my brother and I moved out of an apartment into a new one. We both have ADD. Whatever you now imagine what that went like, yes, it exactly went like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 187

Great help

By got got - 30/01/2020 14:00

Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 309

Put your foot down

By K.. - 28/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 159

Scheduling

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 217

You deserved it 4 222

By Sherry - 11/07/2012 13:29 - United States - Middletown

Spicy

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 044

You deserved it 3 194

By Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 845

You deserved it 31 354

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 072

You deserved it 3 548

Welcome

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 20:01

Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 142

By fmjob - 21/07/2009 04:39 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 261

You deserved it 6 249

Next

Top comments

Notesz_b 13

Tuesday 23 August 2016 10:52

Well then...that's inappropriate.

Hefri123 19

Tuesday 23 August 2016 10:50

Shit in his bed?

Comments

novdestiny 23

Tuesday 23 August 2016 20:11

Totally lame comment I know, but Ewww!

jvanevery 19

Tuesday 23 August 2016 20:19

typical little-brother bullshit it's just a head game ignore him

zaidthunder1 27

Tuesday 23 August 2016 20:26

Are you a girl, OP?

SK8WITME 19

Tuesday 23 August 2016 20:29

shoulda looked him back in the eye and said "couldn't have been better than the sex I've had in yours wide my side chick"

rangerPat 12

Tuesday 23 August 2016 20:31

I really want to know what the worst room was.

hoosiergirl94 31

Tuesday 23 August 2016 20:35

What a weirdo

Monica_J 7

Tuesday 23 August 2016 20:38

That is disgusting. incestual desires?

swagler88 6

Tuesday 23 August 2016 21:31

What in the world.

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 23 August 2016 22:47

This reminds me of part two of silver shoes too much...

Jord_Fox 14

Wednesday 24 August 2016 0:52

Does your room come with locks?

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Keywords

Work Management Jealousy Love Relationship advice Mental health Relatable Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Healthy Lifestyle Health Food Ironic Gifts Mother in law Money Birthday Family Education Parents Public freakouts Pranks Students Exams Weird Argument AITA Fear Insects

The Top

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 099

You deserved it 20 812

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 101

You deserved it 36 910

The Top

Today, after being told my cellphone was under warranty and would be repaired for free, Samsung received my device, changed their minds, and charged me $636.96 to return my device to me. That's more than the device costs new at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 198

Today, I took my boyfriend's advice and finally stood up to my very passive-agressive, rude mother. What started in a conversation about her snide comment about my outfit ended in me needing to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 270

You deserved it 3 253

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 769

You deserved it 6 703

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow job as we watched a show about Pablo Escobar. This girl wouldn’t put out on my birthday, but Pablo killing a guy in jail gets her going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 163

Today, I got my hair cut short, as it hasn’t been cut in well over a year and I was getting sick of dealing with it. I told the hairdresser I would probably look like a boy but she said it would look cute, and that she’d make sure it looks feminine. I loved how it came out, until the kid at CVS asked, “Can I help you sir?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 297

Today, I saw a bike locked to a short bollard, making it very easy to steal. Being as nice as I am, I stayed, hoping the owner would come soon and no one else would take it. Then the guy who bullied me in highschool showed up, asked me what I was doing, laughed at me, took the bike, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 239

You deserved it 1 230