Weird, Wanker and Intimacy: Why would you say that? - FML

Why would you say that?

By Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 029

You deserved it 1 476

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 253

Welcome to the funhouse

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 02:00 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, my brother and I moved out of an apartment into a new one. We both have ADD. Whatever you now imagine what that went like, yes, it exactly went like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 187

Great help

By got got - 30/01/2020 14:00

Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 309

Put your foot down

By K.. - 28/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 159

Scheduling

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 217

You deserved it 4 222

By Sherry - 11/07/2012 13:29 - United States - Middletown

Spicy

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 044

You deserved it 3 194

By Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 845

You deserved it 31 354

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 072

You deserved it 3 548

Welcome

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 20:01

Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 142

By fmjob - 21/07/2009 04:39 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 261

You deserved it 6 249

Next

Top comments

Notesz_b 13

Tuesday 23 August 2016 10:52

Well then...that's inappropriate.

Hefri123 19

Tuesday 23 August 2016 10:50

Shit in his bed?

Comments

potatoesforlife 9

Saturday 27 August 2016 13:21

*leans in as well* "I know"

edward_cooper 10

Sunday 28 August 2016 15:17

savage af

justinb97 16

Monday 5 September 2016 11:05

That's only a little concerning.....

KittieTetaz520 15

Wednesday 14 September 2016 12:39

That's not awkward

Manual_Manoosy 21

Saturday 29 April 2017 0:21

Cool story bro

Keywords

Management Work Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Health Relatable Healthy Lifestyle Birthday Family Money Gifts Mother in law Public freakouts Education Parents Students Exams Pranks Weird Love Argument AITA Insects Fear Cats Skincare Job interview Jealousy Coworkers

The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 272

You deserved it 14 939

...

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 4

The Top

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 157

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 828

You deserved it 609

Today, because of this fucking virus I was really excited to actually talk to another person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 284

Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 946

You deserved it 4 340

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 793

You deserved it 45 717

Today, I had to cancel my $15,000 wedding and send a mass e-mail to 90 guests that there won’t be a wedding. My now-ex fiance got fired from his job. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, if it wasn’t for the fact he got his colleague pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 262

You deserved it 147