Intimacy: Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only... - FML

By sexisdead - 31/07/2016 17:16

Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 992

You deserved it 1 871

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Free Playboy for the guy that can't even use it. Oh, cruel fate.

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 02:00

Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 339

You deserved it 741

You what now?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2013 16:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 165

You deserved it 3 286

Last trip

By cap - 09/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 231

You deserved it 304

By satanlovesme - 30/05/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 836

You deserved it 8 342

By Anonymous - 18/12/2016 14:55 - United States - Harbor City

Today, my 70-year-old boss asked me to order sexy lingerie she saw on the cover a magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 294

You deserved it 621

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 487

You deserved it 516

Stuck on amber

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 07:58 - United States - Greensburg

Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 12:46 - Switzerland - Chur

Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that'll kill my sex drive, just so she won't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 338

You deserved it 2 120

Stewart Lee has let himself go

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 14:00

Today, my wife informed me that she hates having sex with me, and only married me because I was dark, trim, and handsome, but now I'm just gray, fat, and soon to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 135

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 416

Next

Top comments

doemetoch 28

Monday 1 August 2016 10:19

As a woman who doesn't read Cosmopolitan, I have to ask: what on earth do they give as sex tips that you need to have this fear?

Kakapo4Ever 11

Monday 1 August 2016 10:22

Let's be honest OP, this could be worse..

Comments

taroschain 11

Monday 8 August 2016 2:45

Offer an exchange and say you'll follow Cosmo tips if she reenacts porno scenes. (Backdoor ***** 9, anyone?) If she says it's not the same, remind her that at least with **** you can vouch that the positions are physically possible. (don't let her get a copy of the 50 Shades issue)

badoldbob61 7

Monday 15 August 2016 6:30

Say no prob. Then say to be fair when I try one from your mag you need to try one from my mag. Then break oyt a Hustler.

Keywords

Video games Annoying Gamers Abuse Birthday Relatable Social Media Money Scams Parents School Kids Education Health Public freakouts Grieving Mental health Music Geek Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Bikes Cops Transportation Fight Family Customers Work Gross

The Top

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 871

You deserved it 43 967

Today, I've had a crush on a guy for a while - a friend of mine knows this. I finally decided to find out once and for all if there was any chance with him, so I drove to his house, armed with a home cooked meal and wine, only to find the very friend I confided in was at his house. It turns out they are now an item. FML

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You deserved it 152

The Top

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

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You deserved it 36

Today, I walked out to the parking lot and caught a homeless man laying a fat steamer on the hood of my car. FML

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You deserved it 69

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

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Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 405

You deserved it 3 308

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 325

You deserved it 1 499

Today, my boyfriend is so scared of COVID that he takes precautions beyond what health professionals recommend to satisfy his OCD. He told me he wouldn't be getting the vaccine because he "won't be controlled by the government." Not to worry, he will just continue to be the unbearable control freak he transformed into since this all began. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 184