Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told...

By Noname - 25/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 4 187

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Same thing different taste

By Ohai - 16/01/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 560

You deserved it 3 071

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 813

You deserved it 37 514

By lisahb - 19/06/2012 22:16 - United States - Detroit

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 473

You deserved it 3 315

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 08:31

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 921

You deserved it 4 864

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 176

You deserved it 3 646

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 105

By saddened97 - 20/01/2011 09:39 - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 690

You deserved it 12 887

By Mak1 - 05/12/2008 08:12 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 724

You deserved it 4 686

You what?

By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 484

You deserved it 3 710

By robotchickens - 10/03/2010 19:54 - United States

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 166

You deserved it 2 707

burdenofaday 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 17:10

Haha. Your mom likes buttsex.

Sciamachy 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 13:33

Wow... so your mom is into aural & nasal sex too?!

Comments

InspiredByGaGa 8

Wednesday 22 April 2009 5:23

well, it's good advice! but, she should have included that you don't HAVE to do anything that you don't want to do.

iampjman 0

Monday 8 June 2009 11:11

So true

jake1246 0

Friday 12 June 2009 6:54

#10 wow you are a genius

mikew85 0

Friday 12 June 2009 7:27

You should take her advice, it's true.

Shyman4ever 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:12

Your mom is right

monster_tamer 11

Wednesday 19 August 2009 23:22

...o_o;

BreeKnox 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 19:26

your mom is the shit

jlsalin 0

Monday 21 December 2009 6:16

ur moms awesome

ming88 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 18:39

win.

dochoc_fml 0

Friday 15 January 2010 8:12

best advice your mom could give you

Keywords

Work Management Love Jealousy Relationship advice Mental health Relatable Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Health Healthy Lifestyle Food Ironic Birthday Family Money Gifts Mother in law Public freakouts Education Parents Pranks Students Exams Weird Argument AITA Fear Insects

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Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 140

You deserved it 12 375

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. At one point, he started to kiss my ear. Then, he stopped, went into the bathroom, and came out with about four Q-tips. He then said to me, "Just take care of your ears, then I'll continue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 2 005

The Top

Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear ended them and then got rear ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 813

You deserved it 57 248

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 299

You deserved it 5 648

Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 624

You deserved it 11 814

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 794

You deserved it 4 037

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend's female best friend that they have been dating for the last month. This was the week of our one year anniversary, and my birthday. We just moved into a duplex with my name on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 162

You deserved it 313

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 179

You deserved it 3 858

Same thing different taste

Thanks mom

You what?

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