Love: Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about...

By ouch - 09/12/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 057

You deserved it 76 289

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 19:09

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 276

You deserved it 56 418

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 142

You deserved it 44 612

By justinherass - 28/03/2009 05:43 - Canada

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So don't touch you at all?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 886

You deserved it 24 983

Jonah begs to differ

By JOTA - 07/10/2020 04:02 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 360

Healthy relationship

By scared - 24/06/2020 23:02

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 2 556

By anonymous - 27/02/2012 23:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 744

You deserved it 2 980

By June - 05/10/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 856

You deserved it 8 809

Trick question

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 21:57 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 592

You deserved it 33 649

Pound for pound

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 06:15

Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 249

awesome_o 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 20:16

YDI for calling them dingleberries

Telionis 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 20:18

I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?

Comments

Atomic_Tangerine 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 7:58

"Cushion for the pushin'?" Way to sound like a douche-bag. YDI

giosthename 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 9:59

does fml change the wording of things as they get submitted? It didn't say dingleberries at first, it said family jewels.

wordgirl 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 14:27

Why would you confess to having dingleberries? Those are NOT balls, man. :p (wipe your butt, dude) lol.

bored690 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 15:18

I think he meant DANGLEBERRIES.

Treehugger 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 16:05

YDI if my guy said that to me, i'd do the same thing as her ;) You're not supposed to agree with us....you're supposed to make us feel better...calling us a cushion makes us feel worse live an learn

ColdGold 6

Thursday 10 December 2009 17:39

Use some soap and water to get rid of the dingleberries. Don't fall for the is-my-ass-fat-routine. Start taking walks with fatty.

FruitSalad4225 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 17:59

YDI for saying "dingleberries."

bamalam 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 18:06

not the right thing to say man but LMAO

Leprecon 3

Thursday 10 December 2009 18:57

"Today my boyfriend said he didn't like the way his room looked. I told him not to worry since I don't mind a messy room. He threw a vase at me." Is the above story completely distasteful to you ? Remember kids, thats ok since violence against women is bad, but as long as it is against men it is funny.