Kids: Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When...

By Anonymous - 25/03/2018 19:00

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 892

You deserved it 1 471

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 099

You deserved it 10 949

By Oblivious - 08/05/2009 19:39 - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 910

You deserved it 16 227

By Laura - 30/11/2010 03:03

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 046

You deserved it 5 378

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 13:12 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 171

You deserved it 2 612

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By Anonymous - 18/02/2022 04:00

Today, I heard my daughter-in-law refer to her twin daughters, my precious twin grandbabies, as “the good one” and “the shit stain”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 169

Cool rapper name

By Dor51 - 27/10/2013 19:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "Lil' yeast infection's sis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 542

You deserved it 3 034

By noway - 03/01/2014 11:03 - France - Cholet

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 913

You deserved it 5 302

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 937

You deserved it 3 986

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 431

You deserved it 16 955

By kiki - 05/08/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 345

You deserved it 3 877

sc3ptical 30

Friday 16 March 2018 1:34

Most people hear Aspen and think of skiing or beautiful trees. How old are you??

Storm Sternberg 10

Thursday 15 March 2018 2:49

Aspen is a cute name, I'm pretty sure it's rising in popularity, and it's the name of a common tree. I think you're being a bit weird about it.

Comments

BasketBallForever293 17

Monday 2 April 2018 15:02

Why wasn't it a mutual decision? That name isn't a good one

kristinagir 11

Thursday 27 January 2022 6:15

You’re an idiot 🤦‍♀️

wrenavery90 12

Monday 18 July 2022 0:20

Nope. I'm pretty sure that's just you. Aspen is a beautiful name.

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Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

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Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

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Today, I woke up, walked outside, and tripped over my dead cat. FML

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Today, my neighbor tried to shoot my dog but missed and hit a rock. A shard of the bullet hit me in the leg and fractured my shin. Hello from the ER. FML

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