Animals: Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This...

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 653

You deserved it 4 793

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Same thing different taste

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 94

By no - 08/12/2016 14:37 - United States - New York

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 875

You deserved it 968

Get back here!

By catgirl911 - 13/10/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 186

You deserved it 25 150

Flash, ah ah!

By Dumb, Dumber, and Dumberer - 12/10/2022 20:00

Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 257

By grosssss - 01/01/2010 13:03 - Australia

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 727

You deserved it 3 429

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 100

You deserved it 4 966

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 672

You deserved it 3 440

Metal Cat

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 495

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 552

You deserved it 1 467

alanamarieg 18

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:33

Sounds like a catastrophe.

Indianboy9321 25

Thursday 31 July 2014 23:33

I guess that's window pane.

Comments

coolchick123 6

Saturday 2 August 2014 0:09

Wait... If u were asleep how did you know what the cat was trying to do? Maybe it aimed for your face in the first place

somthingstupd 9

Saturday 2 August 2014 3:22

Your cats ninja skills are severely lacking

Jaevwyn 17

Monday 4 August 2014 0:47

It was still hilarious, just not for you

lilushi 8

Thursday 14 August 2014 4:28

My cat jumped off a bookshelf and landed on my boob

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I asked a girl at work out, who'd claimed she was single. Not ten minutes later, our boss fired me. Turns out that girl is actually his side chick he cheats on his wife with, even though she’s 19 and he’s 48. Not illegal, just scummy as hell, and he fired me out of jealousy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 100

Today, my parents used to tell that me life gets way better after high school. Yeah, for everyone else at my school. They’re partying it up in college or travelling during gap years, meeting all sorts of people. I have to work more than full time because my parents kicked me out the week after I graduated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 95

The Top

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 638

You deserved it 2 562

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 728

You deserved it 1 746

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 716

You deserved it 3 341

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 985

You deserved it 4 585

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 092

You deserved it 9 710

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 937

You deserved it 3 391