Love, Dating and Break-ups: Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use...

By Nico711 - 30/03/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 426

You deserved it 205

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Same thing different taste

By takeshi - 05/08/2018 20:30

Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 271

You deserved it 296

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 501

You deserved it 2 944

Eternity

By Anonymous - 06/04/2013 16:17 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 765

You deserved it 3 628

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 06:15

Today, my girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me. Why? I was late for our date. We arrived at the restaurant together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 965

You deserved it 165

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 926

You deserved it 5 320

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 10:14 - China

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 794

You deserved it 4 353

By CHStennis_4 - 03/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 296

You deserved it 3 863

By sad - 05/11/2012 07:02 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 819

You deserved it 3 477

Give me a break

By anon - 18/02/2023 06:00

Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 182

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 114

Charlie Given 26

Saturday 30 March 2019 2:56

Sounds like she was planning on breaking up at the dinner and just used that as the excuse.

bloopaloop 27

Saturday 30 March 2019 3:14

Sounds like the best thing that could have happened

Comments

MidnaLink 33

Saturday 30 March 2019 2:11

She does understand how “random chance” works, right?

Charlie Given 26

Saturday 30 March 2019 2:56

Sounds like she was planning on breaking up at the dinner and just used that as the excuse.

tounces7 27

Sunday 31 March 2019 6:39

Clearly she's not very creative or very bright then, if that's the best she could come up with.

Topper369 3

Saturday 30 March 2019 3:03

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

bloopaloop 27

Saturday 30 March 2019 3:14

Sounds like the best thing that could have happened

chosha_fml 26

Saturday 30 March 2019 3:22

Thank God. Imagine being with someone that stupid and unfair long term.

manb91uk 22

Saturday 30 March 2019 3:44

Do you see that bullet next to you? Yep, you dodged it! Well done, buddy!

GamerChickxoxo 16

Saturday 30 March 2019 3:58

-a moment of silence for our fallen comrade -did you atleast get a doggy bag for the bitch ?

demix_fml 32

Saturday 30 March 2019 4:41

Lucky escape?....

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 30 March 2019 4:49

Yeah, that’s the real reason. You don’t want to know...

Bubbilility 27

Saturday 30 March 2019 5:42

Was she not there to pick her food? How long was she in the toilet? This is just strange behaviour. You might be better off.

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The Top

Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 119

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 229

The Top

Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said, "Hopefully never." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 485

You deserved it 2 813

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 459

You deserved it 3 349

Today, as I was ringing in a customer, I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this, I sniffed my hands because they had got wet, and said to the customer, "Oh, the can is leaking… want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 394

You deserved it 5 789

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 125

Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 672

You deserved it 2 354

Today, there was a karaoke at my job's Thanksgiving party. A girl sang and sounded horrible. I later told a colleague about it and said, "She sucked so bad… if I wanted to hear an animal dying, I'd go to a slaughterhouse." She was within earshot and burst into tears. Oh, and she's my boss's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 1 633

Same thing different taste

Eternity

Give me a break

What do you want from me?

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