Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs....

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 746

You deserved it 26 494

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By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 807

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:09 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 621

You deserved it 3 135

Who goes there?

By dontbadouche - 01/02/2010 13:45 - Senegal

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 734

You deserved it 7 261

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 16:01

Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 11:40 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 727

You deserved it 5 806

By Anonymous - 19/06/2015 19:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 970

You deserved it 3 756

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 15:38 - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 898

You deserved it 12 530

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 733

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 596

You deserved it 7 907

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 952

You deserved it 71 764

TheDrifter 23

Monday 2 April 2012 2:53

I hope you hit a homer, because you're not getting past first base again for a while.

The_creator_fml 2

Monday 2 April 2012 2:56

So her snack was peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat?

Comments

katcot99 11

Monday 2 April 2012 4:00

Why would you go downstairs. I would have comforted the person I was with.

coried91 28

Monday 2 April 2012 8:37

So the burglar could go upstairs and kill two birds with one stone? You're an idiot.

deviable 9

Tuesday 3 April 2012 10:08

I would have called the police.

jptyler 8

Monday 2 April 2012 4:02

Just a flesh wound. You swing like a girl anyways

girful_doom 12

Monday 2 April 2012 4:04

Should have clocked her a good one for scaring you lol :)

halliemarie1818 5

Monday 2 April 2012 4:08

You actually hit your girlfriend with a bat? Where the hell did you get the bat anyway? You just keep one under your bed or something? LOL

meggy2010 5

Monday 2 April 2012 5:38

Wait.. You're meaning to tell me that most people sleep with a bat under their beds and not their pillows? Crap! I've been doing it all wrong!

hqbrat 8

Monday 2 April 2012 4:23

Did you knock the shit out of her ?!?!?!? O.o

Colonel_Lexi 18

Monday 2 April 2012 4:30

If it were other way around there would be more "I agree, your life sucks" than "you deserved it".

xIBleedPurplex16 0

Monday 2 April 2012 4:37

Lmao wow

agreedtodisagree 4

Monday 2 April 2012 4:40

Did she died?

l23VIVE 17

Monday 2 April 2012 4:54

Lolz

kookysoc 11

Monday 2 April 2012 4:55

:O Theres one more lonely boy..

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You deserved it 340

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I agree, your life sucks 21 020

You deserved it 1 318

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I agree, your life sucks 37 619

You deserved it 3 059

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I agree, your life sucks 15 969

You deserved it 881