Alcohol, Awkward and Love: Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt... - FML

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 344

You deserved it 57 787

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By geniusdrunk - 09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 703

Do I know you?

By goblue - 21/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 461

You deserved it 3 171

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 238

You deserved it 43 577

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 1 856

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 2 008

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 115

You deserved it 34 773

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 3 243

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 996

You deserved it 25 907

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 311

You deserved it 9 827

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 086

You deserved it 7 089

Next

Top comments

llaawwll 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:07

At least he didn't have a gun pointed at your face or something.

manoverboard 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:07

Oh, the joys of drinking.

Comments

chahacha599 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 10:26

ur dead D:

dogpup4 23

Friday 19 August 2011 1:57

94 FYLs and 37,000 YDIs. Wow.

dacoop64 2

Tuesday 17 April 2012 4:05

******* YOLO man

DusktheKat 12

Thursday 11 July 2013 2:25

Uggh! If i was your gf i'd dump u! what were u doing at ur ex's place so late anyway?! And with no pants on!

Blade52560 6

Tuesday 27 May 2014 19:47

YDI, dumbass..

Herb Anderson 2

Friday 14 April 2017 6:54

At least you didnt wake up on her brother...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my best friend’s girlfriend took his phone and blocked me on Facebook, all because I wrote him a heartfelt Happy Birthday message on his wall. I found out because he messaged me from another account explaining what happened. She refuses to understand that we’re strictly platonic friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 133

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 513

You deserved it 2 171

The Top

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 565

You deserved it 16 099

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 456

You deserved it 3 751

Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 3 106

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 168

You deserved it 3 036

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 545

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 844

You deserved it 134