Miscellaneous: Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting....

By ijustwantpizza - 07/01/2015 12:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 618

You deserved it 7 571

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 276

You deserved it 3 661

By Foufinator - 04/10/2009 19:33 - France

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 129

You deserved it 3 558

By Anonymous - 16/08/2012 14:30 - United States - Fpo

Today, I ordered ramen to go. I looked at my order and discovered a cockroach. Disgusted, I showed it to them, and they apologized by "replacing" it for free. Later on, while I was enjoying the delicious food, I once again discovered a cockroach buried under all the noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 704

You deserved it 6 826

The fun never ends

By Yudith - 02/01/2023 03:00 - Canada

Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 134

By garlicbread - 26/11/2009 22:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 603

You deserved it 29 894

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 07:52 - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 516

You deserved it 6 847

Asshole Design

By thehaystackerine - 01/03/2020 12:00

Today, I bought a slice of pizza at my favorite gas station. Upon opening the box, I found that the lone piece of pepperoni visible through the window on the box was in fact the only piece on the whole slice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 283

Busted

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 08:00

Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 1 239

Poor Despereaux

By Squeak - 06/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Bragg

Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 505

You deserved it 784

By Newly Minted Canuck - 22/04/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 285

You deserved it 4 663

purpleturtle16 20

Wednesday 7 January 2015 18:46

The Universe is trying to make you stick to your goal! Please call the pizza place and ask for a refund.

llamarrama01 21

Wednesday 7 January 2015 18:46

That must've really bugged you.

Comments

yeti37 16

Wednesday 7 January 2015 19:51

No worries, get a roach clip...

SparksTheSadie 18

Wednesday 7 January 2015 19:56

The cockroach knew you were cheating.

Muddiggergirl 10

Wednesday 7 January 2015 19:57

They knew you were cheating figured they'd help you get back on track?

hellphone_fml 37

Wednesday 7 January 2015 19:59

I just finished eating a frozen pizza.

lamb101 1

Wednesday 7 January 2015 20:02

bring the dam thing to them and make them give your money back

gobiteme2 34

Wednesday 7 January 2015 20:10

Well OP if you were going to cheat you should have eaten the box also, think of the fiber.

SlyCooper15 16

Wednesday 7 January 2015 20:21

eat it

TwoXMike 14

Wednesday 7 January 2015 20:22

Stick to your goals and more importantly, never order from that place again

cappellaaa 23

Wednesday 7 January 2015 20:37

at least you stuck to your diet!

star_dust_babe 12

Wednesday 7 January 2015 20:47

I'm sure it would have tasted like chicken?

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The Top

Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 119

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 753

You deserved it 3 574

The Top

Today, my mother bitched me out for not finishing my laundry. I'm a 37-year-old mother of three. She rents my basement suite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 950

You deserved it 2 669

Today, my girlfriend teased me by asking if I wanted to fuck her best friend in the ass. Obviously it was a joke, but now I can't stop thinking about it and I know it will never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 1 052

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 307

You deserved it 2 743

Today, my boyfriend and I went to his best friend’s birthday party. He got her red roses, a necklace and $100 Victoria’s Secret Gift Card. This year he forgot my birthday, gave me a hug and told me to leave his apartment because he had homework to do. We’ve been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 228

Today, a new coworker asked me how to pronounce my name and made a dismissive remark that, "all Asian names are so hard to pronounce and they all sound the same." My name is Christopher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 846

You deserved it 246

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 384

You deserved it 3 873