Health: Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package...

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 036

You deserved it 62 109

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Same thing different taste

By r1has - 12/06/2016 02:58 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 046

You deserved it 4 877

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 958

You deserved it 1 165

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 805

You deserved it 35 429

By Anonymous - 04/01/2015 10:27 - Australia - Doncaster

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 151

You deserved it 5 689

Let's cook

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 08:01

Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 529

By Coldsnap - 12/08/2011 17:25 - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 837

You deserved it 5 013

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 254

Spice up your life!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 104

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 924

You deserved it 2 879

By fiery - 24/07/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 019

You deserved it 4 592

dasteve 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:43

Chillies on your willy!

Agent36263626 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:42

At least you know where the burning is coming from...

Comments

Ruskie 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:50

I think you have short time memory loss

Namesuhate11 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 15:22

Its term not time

ZebulonPike 8

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:53

I figured that would be self-explanatory...

bri5083 9

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:56

Does cooking make you horny? Or do you just touch your penis all the time?

SSgt 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 15:48

My girlfriend thinks it is really sexy when I cook...so I cook quite often.

grunt656 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:56

How did u manage that? Did u add **** to the recipe?

bobbycorwen 5

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:57

That's disgusting, sicko..

iDaniel525 8

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:03

Don't knock it to you try it.

itsgen 16

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:10

haha that made me laugh

Fancyy 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:58

Touching your penis while cooking; Screw whoevers life your cooking for /:

malters 9

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:25

I've always liked my peppers with a hint of penis it adds something nothing else can

hiddenpoet 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:58

Flavor.....

kjcamaro3 5

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:59

Why is the first thing you touch your penis? Planning on using it to stir?

kimmi41509 10

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:59

That's hot! ;)

lilminja 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:00

Thats what you get when you cook with ghost chillies!! Common sense would make one think, "hmmm super hot chillies, hottest in fact, i should wash hands before touching anything!"

ambamm135 7

Saturday 7 January 2012 10:31

Obviously you've never cooked with these. Score since it takes a few washes to get that off your hands

Okayitwasme 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 17:14

I'm sure the commenter meant more than once! Quit reading too much into the comment and scanning for errors! Troll!

every1luvsboners 11

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:01

Happens every time I go to stir the chili with my penis. I always think the burns will cancel each other out, but it doesn't work that way, unfortunately.