Intimacy: Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie....

By Ouch - 14/07/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 557

You deserved it 15 519

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Same thing different taste

Sick burn

By Anonymous - 16/05/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 997

You deserved it 8 071

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 04:07 - United States

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 417

You deserved it 54 826

By burned - 24/05/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 108

You deserved it 64 106

Sexy time

By Msmerfner - 03/08/2013 08:40 - United States - Hemet

Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 477

You deserved it 16 098

By StayPositive - 03/11/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 470

You deserved it 9 606

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 30/04/2020 23:00

Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 545

Cook out

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 12:30

Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 433

By EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 098

You deserved it 36 905

You tried!

By Noname - 15/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 937

You deserved it 50 914

Kitchen nightmares

By Clumsy - 24/08/2021 11:01 - Brazil - Niterói

Today, I accepted I can't cook at all. Why? I burned myself cooking popcorn in a microwave oven. I accidentally burst the package open and a scorching kernel flew into my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 192

6daysoverdue 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 12:12

HOT

24788 6

Tuesday 14 July 2009 12:48

Cook and lingerine?! Those two words together in the same sentence? He had it made until then. Now all he'll be seeing is the dark walls of his doghouse. FHL

Comments

Spl2iGGaN 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 13:57

Never try to get a mans mind off his food with sex. Or off his sex with food for that matter. You obviously confused the poor felluh.

youaresofucked 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 14:01

******* LOL!!!!!

davidtheday 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 14:15

Cooking in lingerie is not that sexy. For "dessert" though...

aback 4

Tuesday 14 July 2009 14:15

No titty for him for awhile. But really, next time you decide to cook something naked or in lingerie, don't choose something that splatters.

plexico 3

Tuesday 14 July 2009 14:39

Ironically, you were sauteing chicken breasts and the chickens got you first!

Sappheyes 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 14:48

Titty fritters.

dyld921 2

Tuesday 14 July 2009 14:52

It's more a FML for him. He's definitely not getting any.

STVader 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 14:53

win. Sir, I give you a plus one.

Raytestrak 3

Tuesday 14 July 2009 15:02

That's not an fml, it's just stupid.

tipsy337 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 15:18

Ydi. it's like frying bacon with your shirt off don't do it

PakiPakiPaki 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:19

done it, only thing that burns me when i cook half naked or naked is the stove itself if i accidently lean on it. besides that well it's pretty damn easy to cook without being burned, turn ur stove down if its popping too much, common sense.