Intimacy: Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before...

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 11:37 - United States

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 797

You deserved it 13 778

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Same thing different taste

By Malarky - 23/06/2016 19:10 - United States

Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 234

You deserved it 1 233

Make the most of it

By Godmish - 02/01/2009 05:37 - France

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 535

You deserved it 2 743

By badhabit - 31/05/2019 22:00

Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 1 644

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 366

You deserved it 8 817

Whoops

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 589

You deserved it 1 341

We need a break

By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 682

You deserved it 59 225

By weeble_wobbles09 - 08/01/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 433

You deserved it 25 869

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 17:15 - Nepal

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 583

You deserved it 33 754

By Mr. Hopeless - 13/02/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 948

You deserved it 4 228

By Noname - 30/12/2008 16:53 - Australia

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 998

You deserved it 4 913

Crash92 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:09

Damn, I guess that means your pretty bad.

WildClown 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:34

Next time be a man and call her. Texting is for the weak.

Comments

Crash92 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:09

Damn, I guess that means your pretty bad.

RoryStorm239 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 0:42

well, they ARE from massachusetts...

CitizenSnipz 0

Wednesday 30 June 2010 8:11

Win. Pure win.

morthug 11

Friday 7 December 2012 20:54

***you're

Button_x 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:09

Wow, what a bitch. =

rukusrazor 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:10

Precise. And to the point. You got pwned.

juggyjones 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:14

ha, you fail in the sack.

juggyjones 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:13

ha, you fail in the sack.

asttro_boy 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:22

Classic meme: "You're Doing It Wrong!"

Nemesis2747 4

Friday 8 May 2009 16:17

guess is was a one night fail

hamzy 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:26

She ment she wants to stay drunk?

spamme 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:29

no more cookies for you

z4opv14 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:23

Sucks to be you.

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The Top

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 905

You deserved it 74 251

Today, my dad uttered the dreaded words, “Now don’t worry boy, I knows exactly what I is doing.” A few short minutes later he has a destroyed impact drill, my ladder is snapped, my kitchen window is broken, my wife is in hospital for stitches, and we can’t find the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 038

You deserved it 2 267

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 185

You deserved it 310

Today, I thought it would be cool to hit a basketball with a baseball bat. Ended up in the ER with seven stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 036

You deserved it 47 815

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 196

You deserved it 6 488

Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 935

You deserved it 444

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 407

You deserved it 2 584

Same thing different taste

Make the most of it

No. Just… No.

Whoops

We need a break

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