Health: Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 430

You deserved it 61 476

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Same thing different taste

By anditburnsburnsburns - 27/08/2013 18:13 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 290

You deserved it 20 768

By crazyvulva9216 - 27/01/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 829

You deserved it 68 915

By captfml - 15/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 307

You deserved it 27 703

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 956

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 677

You deserved it 36 210

By FutureMarine3658 - 08/08/2012 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 437

You deserved it 50 507

By comfort_ - 27/03/2015 03:28 - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 546

You deserved it 10 183

Receptacle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 02:01

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:18 - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 979

You deserved it 4 832

By TowelSmellsNice - 16/04/2010 12:34 - Malaysia

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 552

You deserved it 70 594

Next

Top comments

JGrevious 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:03

charming. absouluty charming

Freeze_fml 16

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:05

How do you forget to wash your hands after taking a massive dump? Sick.

Comments

pun619 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:07

thats just gross. how do u forget u took a shit¿ did u just walk out and started biting ur hands or u were still in the bathroom? eather way ydi¡

crazeelife12 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:09

so, how did your ass taste?

FMLrockzdude 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:09

nasty it's like the poo touch instead of the cheese touch

Bizzatch 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:10

That's ******* disgusting!

lime_tiki 2

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:11

why do people always have to add "massive" before dump? Like seriously come on that's gross we don't need to know that

xHabsfanx 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:36

Because people feel the need to emphasize the size of their shit, as if it's something to be proud of...

The_Norwegian 2

Thursday 11 March 2010 2:08

Well it is.

xHabsfanx 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:28

Lol..yes, your tiny dump made my day. o.O

FatalWedgie 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 6:43

tiny dumps need not be wiped therefore handwashing also not applicable.

nommnom_fml 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 7:16

but. What if u had a seperate toilet from ur sink to wash ur hands. when u take a "massive" dump, ur going to touch the for handle, infecting it. so even if u took a tiny dump ur goin touch that shorty doorhandle an need to wash ur hand anyway :]

dsegui4 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:11

ewwwwwww u have issues OP!!! how could u forget to wash ur hands

Mx_Rider 6

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:13

as long as you didnt wipe your ass with your fingernails it shouldnt be too bad... but still, F your life for not being clean.

R3kli3 10

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:13

eww

Ecnassianer 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:16

YDI for not adhering to personal hygene standards.

mdavis0529 14

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:16

A) How do you "forget" to wash your hands? B) Dumbass!!!

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