Health: Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 430

You deserved it 61 476

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Same thing different taste

By anditburnsburnsburns - 27/08/2013 18:13 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 290

You deserved it 20 768

By crazyvulva9216 - 27/01/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 829

You deserved it 68 916

By captfml - 15/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 307

You deserved it 27 703

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 956

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 677

You deserved it 36 210

By FutureMarine3658 - 08/08/2012 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 437

You deserved it 50 508

By comfort_ - 27/03/2015 03:28 - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 546

You deserved it 10 183

Receptacle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 02:01

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:18 - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 979

You deserved it 4 832

By TowelSmellsNice - 16/04/2010 12:34 - Malaysia

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 552

You deserved it 70 594

Next

Top comments

JGrevious 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:03

charming. absouluty charming

Freeze_fml 16

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:05

How do you forget to wash your hands after taking a massive dump? Sick.

Comments

GiddyXD 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:20

yuck

WtFiMdAdDy 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:24

Wow....You deserved it! no excuses....

ssdd2009 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:38

imao

nldawgsccr22795 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:43

y wld u start to bite ur nails way can't u go back to the bathroom? nd honestly how do u forget to wash ur hands thtsnasty

SeximusPrime 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:51

You disgusting pig. I hope you don't work in the food industry. Though with all the food poisoning cases, I just have to wonder.

lizzilla8297 2

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:51

so? by the way, why the heck were your hands in your butt?

jessxoxo28 5

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:52

gross =S

yoitssabrina 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:54

how nice o.O thats why biting your nails is a bad habit! even though i bite my nails like all the time. lol

helo2 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 5:00

I actually laughed so hardFxe4zfZx)cufhgHggv!!!!

marierad 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 5:04

the bacteria he got from touching things in public was prob worse then the bacteria from his own butt so id be more worried about that. your not ganna pick up an virus from yourself...although yes its gross but it could be worse

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The Top

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 286

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 946

You deserved it 28 260

The Top

Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 552

You deserved it 5 555

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 759

You deserved it 2 715

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I agree, your life sucks 32 611

You deserved it 2 608

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I agree, your life sucks 25 924

You deserved it 8 168

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, right after I turned down an amazing job opportunity in another location, just so I could be with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 894

You deserved it 16 314

Today, I was at assembly in school. My friend had a water bottle. It was a squirt bottle, and he squirted me, over and over. I got ticked off, so I took it away from him, but when I took the bottle I squeezed it and it squirted all over the people in front of me. The principal saw, and I got in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 1 114