Miscellaneous: Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be...

By :/ - 20/02/2011 18:44 - Canada

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 057

You deserved it 109 663

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/07/2012 04:55 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 851

You deserved it 80 942

Gimme a break

By anon - 04/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 17/04/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 876

You deserved it 388

By ThinZ - 24/12/2011 00:26 - United States

Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 463

You deserved it 3 874

By ouharguohargssdf - 28/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 443

You deserved it 2 894

Hey how are you?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2014 21:08 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 788

You deserved it 4 252

Stay out of my life

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mom tried to worm her way back into my life by manipulating my brother into doing the dirty work for her. I pretended to swallow the bullshit and invited her over, just so I could slam the door in her face. My brother says I went too far, like he somehow forgot what a shit mom she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 199

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 752

You deserved it 3 475

Damned if you do…

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 10:00

Today, I woke up early to do the dishes and clean up, after having people over yesterday. Now my wife is mad at me because I didn't stay in bed with her longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 18:08 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 345

You deserved it 41 556

About3goats 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:02

Dick

kpacek330 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:04

asshole. did you really think you'd get sympathy by posting this?

Comments

AddictedToGuys 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:17

hhahahah if i were you go scew a bunch of woen to please yourself....thats what i do....but with men ;)

Privations_fml 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:18

Falcon punch, asshole.

Immersion 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:19

too right. sit the **** down op. never tell a girl to go back to the kitchen :L

palltaru 0

Monday 21 February 2011 2:04

Yeah it like saying go make a sandwich!

AddictedToGuys 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:20

ooooooo im a prostitute!pick me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont judge you from your sensitivity but your skill in bed... ;)

Sirin_fml 46

Monday 21 February 2011 0:31

I'm sure nobody here cares, so kindly seek attention elsewhere.

Princess994 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:20

Did you really want simpathy? Your an asshole for thinking that telling your wife to go back to the kitchen. I don't know what men think when they tell us women to get back to the kitchen. Does that make you feel more masculine? Do you feel happier knowing your being dicks? Next time when you wanna look cool in front of your boys how bout you pull a 10 inch sandwitch outta a hat.

Picking_Kuppies 0

Monday 21 February 2011 2:00

I was going to thumbs up your comment, but your lack of basic grammar skills is preventing me to do so.

XZero_fml 0

Monday 21 February 2011 5:51

I would of given you a thumbs up too if you hadn't spelled sympathy wrong. Get a dictionary before you post.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Monday 21 February 2011 5:56

196 - Good point, but remember to ensure your post is fully correct (to the best of your knowledge) before you correct someone. "Would of" should be "would have".

Princess994 0

Monday 21 February 2011 5:59

phil..shut the hell up. and pardon my grammer/spelling mistakes. atleast im not spellin lyke dis. instead of aiming those comments at me how bout you aim it at the ignorant people out there and not someone who made a few errors. sorry i'm not perfect.

theRovingMage 0

Monday 21 February 2011 6:30

My only issue with your errors, Princess, is that they're quite preventable by anyone who's had even middle-school English. Capitalization, comma usage, and spelling are very basic. Even if you're a horrid speller (like me), there are in-browser spell checkers. No one's calling you out for misspelling antidisestablishmentarianism, but if you can't spell grammar...

Princess994 0

Monday 21 February 2011 7:45

Actually no I was never taught when or how to use a comma. period and capitilization is self explanitory . And I'm not the greatest of spellers plus it's the weekend. Who's head is on right on weekends? (don't answer that -_-). I'm not going to start a fight because I think internet fighting is retarded so I'm going to stop commenting. Thank you for correcting my mistakes and I'll see you on another FML sooooo bye! :)