Love: Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time...

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 491

You deserved it 4 900

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By apparentlybutch - 05/09/2014 21:11 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 203

You deserved it 4 567

By straightasaneedle - 02/02/2011 17:11 - Germany

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 589

You deserved it 4 868

Silver linings

By 10 years, 0 dates - 28/11/2020 11:03

Today, I wanted to ask out this cute girl I used to work with. Before I could, she said she likes my only friend there, and asked if could I set them up. Trying to be nice guy and good friend, I did. Then she made her complete lack of interest in me obvious. But hey, at least the gay guy she hung out with thought I was cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 140

By imafunguy - 05/10/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 3 079

Know this of me…

By thefmlman2011 - 02/09/2023 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was going to ask out a girl I work with, only to find out that not only is she in a relationship, she’s also a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 225

By The L word - 30/01/2009 15:28 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 910

You deserved it 6 292

Mixed signals

By Mark - 27/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I asked out a coworker I really like. She gave me a weird look and said, "You're not gay?" I said no, to which she said, "Well, I am". As it turns out, I was the only one who thought she was straight, and the only one who thought I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 817

You deserved it 369

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds, then said, "Who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 022

You deserved it 4 899

By Anonymous - 21/08/2014 15:37 - United States

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 188

You deserved it 17 849

No joke

By SilverZephyr - 16/01/2015 12:49 - United States - Marion

Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 662

You deserved it 3 479

jennc 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 9:18

LOL oh man. i'm sorry, that stinks!

Kikitann 9

Monday 18 June 2012 8:44

what

Comments

Niah_fml 2

Thursday 3 February 2011 8:59

I'm sorry. I promise you not all chicks are like that.

b00z3nw33d 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 8:05

i feel for you bro, you got my sympathy

33whitten 3

Friday 7 October 2011 3:31

Someone just got LJBF'd

jgonz024 3

Wednesday 19 October 2011 5:43

YDI for spending too much time trying to get at a girl with no hint that you were straight

richieflow 3

Monday 16 January 2012 7:21

Hmm bro change something u must act or look like a fag

stereochick16 1

Saturday 17 March 2012 16:38

You'll be together forever

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

Monday 21 August 2017 15:55

show her that you can be straight AND not just wanna **** her

Keywords

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Today, I have a horribly painful throat infection and can't talk. In spite of this, Dad keeps insisting I call people for him, meaning I have to make use of a text to speech program. Eight out of twelve people I've called on his behalf have hung up, thinking I'm a scambot. Dad is blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 81

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 654

The Top

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 864

You deserved it 5 676

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is trying to get her ex-boyfriend to move up here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 73

Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 673

You deserved it 7 199

Today, I told my supervisor that I want to do the work I was hired to do, which is Data Engineer. He told me he doesn't have the workload for another data engineer, and needs someone with people skills. He's very happy with the current situation. I left my previous job because of the same problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 91

Today, I have killed at least several dozen flies over the course of the past few days. My cat, who used to be a fly killing machine, isn't doing shit to help me. She's not old or fat or anything, she's just lazy. Meanwhile, I had to go buy a water bottle with a cover to keep flies from going into my drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 228

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 493

You deserved it 4 799