Miscellaneous: Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing...

By FirstStringQB - 01/10/2011 22:45 - United States

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 263

You deserved it 4 731

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 00:46 - United States - Oregon

Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 797

You deserved it 2 132

By Shameful - 18/01/2012 19:57 - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 844

You deserved it 3 784

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 367

You deserved it 13 529

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By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 224

You deserved it 836

By authorsubmit - 04/05/2012 12:49 - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 859

You deserved it 47 638

By GoDiarrhea - 04/03/2010 18:52 - Argentina

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 450

You deserved it 2 839

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 05:00 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 083

You deserved it 5 102

By DangerZone - 12/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 947

You deserved it 5 112

By StickyWicket - 14/05/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 067

You deserved it 129

By Craptastic - 15/09/2018 15:00

Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 651

deviable 9

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:21

Don't worry, at least you're not called Skidmarks.

minder97 10

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:22

hopefully some of your shit got on the guy

Comments

eradonnes 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:14

thats why football is gay -_-

itschrisssybro 8

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:21

Houston, you have a problem.

kodax 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:23

Haha I'm a free roaming linebacker and I weigh 230, be greatful he wasn't bigger, one of our 289lbs. Lineman landed on my chest last year and cracked my rib

StormGirl142 24

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:37

I totally thought this said Mudblood at first. But anyhow, **** your life, man. That's embarrassing as hell.

ninababe6 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:43

Sounds life a bad. Sorry dude.

ninababe6 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:45

Sounds like a bad day. Sorry dude.

dillonManning 9

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:49

Happened to me once except I only farted and it wasent a lineman it was a linebacker And I was getting tackeled.

divadro102 16

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:51

Doctors recommend you get a colon cleanse at least once in your life. Good job

blargheria 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:53

Wouldn't have happened if you didn't get hit by a fellow lineman.

Tyger44 1

Sunday 2 October 2011 8:03

PASS IT TO MUDDBUTT

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Today, my boyfriend is pushing for sex even though I’ve just had spinal surgery, his reasoning being I only have to lie there, so it’s not like he’s asking me to move or actively participate. He basically wants me to ignore my pain and become a masturbation toy. FML

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Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned, "The bitch on the pot." FML

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Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

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Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

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Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

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You deserved it 6 626

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 643

You deserved it 3 597

Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML

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You deserved it 10 044

Today, I found out my cat had died overnight at the vet's. She died alone in the dark, in a cage. Meanwhile, Donald Trump, an old, narcissistic, overweight sack of shit, survived COVID with millions of tax payer dollars in healthcare. I'd rather my cat had been the one to live; at least she made life nicer. FML

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Same thing different taste

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