Intimacy: TMI Mom

TMI Mom

By Grossed out - 14/02/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 421

You deserved it 7 288

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/07/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 068

You deserved it 3 887

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 048

You deserved it 5 821

By dpl - 19/02/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 571

You deserved it 5 629

By not as scarred as he should be - 18/10/2012 18:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 756

You deserved it 3 341

By my honest father - 10/07/2013 16:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 056

You deserved it 3 747

Thanks Mom

By Enko - 09/11/2008 07:43 - France

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on, she started telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stopped and said, "Actually, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you don’t have a boyfriend!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 574

You deserved it 5 247

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 108

You deserved it 4 186

Thanks!

By uh-oh - 21/07/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, dropped a condom on the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 104

You deserved it 30 894

By thanks mom ¬_¬ - 24/08/2013 22:05 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 701

You deserved it 4 730

By unfortunate - 30/06/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 140

You deserved it 3 192

Peavey_fml 0

Sunday 15 February 2009 2:29

Hey, you talk about birth control or anything sex related around the parents, expect the hear some things you didn't want to know from time to time!

TryToBeKind 0

Sunday 15 February 2009 2:54

Actually, that was pretty nice of her to give you a head's up (pun not intended until now).

Comments

snazzymcwho 21

Wednesday 22 April 2015 16:27

Bwahahahaha YDI! Mom win!

AmericanBadAss 21

Friday 13 May 2016 3:30

At least your mom didn't say, "….but the spermicide would always burn your dad's tongue."

Daggerfell 11

Friday 10 June 2016 1:39

Prior military here, gives a whole different meaning to "fire in the hole!"

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The Top

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 693

Today, my boyfriend proposed with the biggest, tackiest, most Geordie Shore-style ring I’ve ever seen. I said yes because I love him, but this thing is twice as wide as my finger and just looks horrible compared to the solitaire ring I told him I really liked. I’m embarrassed to be seen wearing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 501

The Top

Today, I turned in my best painting yet for a scholarship competition. For once in my life, I was actually proud of a piece I'd done. I ended up losing the scholarship to some dickface who'd basically just glued together some crap from the dollar store and called it conceptual art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 206

You deserved it 5 595

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 492

You deserved it 374

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she'd put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right onto my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth and busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 918

You deserved it 2 501

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 494

You deserved it 1 973

Today, there was an Instagram post featuring a couple’s vacation spot, saying, “Tag the one you’d love to share this vacation with.” My boyfriend tagged his friend he swears is “one of the guys”. Everytime I confront him over these red flags, he says I’m “overreacting.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 204

Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at Wal-Mart. This would have been fine had he not broken up with me because he was "moving to Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 358

You deserved it 746

TMI Mom

Same thing different taste

Thanks Mom

Thanks!

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