Love, Sex and Intimacy: Time's up - FML

Time's up

By blueballed - 29/11/2014 21:08 - Germany - Kiel

Spicy

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 880

You deserved it 8 262

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 681

You deserved it 10 543

By Bigfatfailure - 28/03/2013 10:02 - United States - Garden Grove

Spicy

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 496

You deserved it 9 846

The best part of breaking up…

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 23:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 014

You deserved it 8 830

By whysheheartless - 03/11/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 885

You deserved it 3 060

Life imitating art, or…?

By Bik - 27/06/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 392

Who the **** are you?

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/07/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 365

You deserved it 4 151

By misunderstood - 05/09/2010 10:56 - Australia

Spicy

Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 643

You deserved it 6 367

By thanksbabe - 12/01/2013 06:32 - United States

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 092

You deserved it 8 570

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 840

You deserved it 5 514

Not cool

By no I've never asked for anal - 20/09/2015 13:44 - United States - Buffalo

Spicy

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 035

You deserved it 3 775

Next

Top comments

Aew 17

Sunday 30 November 2014 8:24

That's a cold, calculating ex girlfriend. She has excellent brakes as well.

Googolman 29

Sunday 30 November 2014 8:26

Well, you have to admire her impeccable timing.

Comments

britnie95 0

Friday 8 January 2016 19:15

I wanna hear what that fight was about to make her want to do that.

Two liter of coke 8

Thursday 20 June 2019 9:15

Holy shit, that's golden.

tzecco 2

Sunday 27 February 2022 3:00

The real power move would be to just finish while staring her dead in the face.

Drakrtar 3

Saturday 13 August 2022 1:04

See if I guy can get jail time for forced sex a women should get it for weaponizing sex to cause pain... blueballs are no joke!

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The Top

Today, I found out my niece will born in about two weeks. That's nice, right? It is… except for the fact that there will now be FIVE people in my family with a birthday in May. As if trying to plan for four birthday parties in three weeks wasn't bad enough. Why not five? FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 418

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes, "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said, "Me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 560

You deserved it 9 847

The Top

Today, my mother asked me why I disliked her and my father's nakedness in the family pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 490

You deserved it 3 671

Today, a group of angry women stormed my boss’s office, complaining I was harassing them and peeping through their windows. I'm a window washer, and these women never buy curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 119

Today, I got a screenshot from my former supervisor's Instagram that stated, "Finally, I'm rid of these morons at my work." That's how I found out me and other workmates had been laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 102

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 421

You deserved it 2 346

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 703

You deserved it 1 880

Today, I was standing in line when the lady in front of me stepped out of the line. I made a comment about how rude she was for doing that, and she immediately burst into tears because she “didn’t know it was rude to do that.” A grown woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 1 760