Sex, Frustration and Intimacy: Stimulating - FML

Stimulating

By Wow - 13/03/2012 04:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 588

You deserved it 8 886

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Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

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Same thing different taste

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 20:24 - United States - Porter

Spicy

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 606

You deserved it 4 705

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 823

You deserved it 3 906

Sneaky hand shandy

By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Spicy

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 796

You deserved it 58 904

Erection for Protection

By zingle af - 26/07/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 551

You deserved it 620

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 4 459

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Spicy

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 276

You deserved it 5 770

By jakeeey - 18/01/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 175

You deserved it 10 920

By PizzaNIF - 13/07/2016 17:58 - United States - Henderson

Spicy

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 823

You deserved it 1 330

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Spicy

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 914

By i fuckin love habaneros - 22/07/2016 19:19 - United States - Charlottesville

Spicy

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 835

You deserved it 2 387

Next

Top comments

kings1fan 6

Tuesday 13 March 2012 12:03

Imagine how she feels when she fills her gas tank up!

rattusrattus 18

Tuesday 13 March 2012 11:56

Tip from your Auntie* Rattie - buy a vibrator and some lube. You can get them online if you feel embarressed going into a shop. *Auntie being metaphorical in this case, not indicative of actual relation.

Comments

cperagui 18

Tuesday 19 June 2018 18:16

That's just sad

Keywords

Awkward Motherhood Health Transportation Money Lonely Dentist Sadness Work Abuse Relatable Nepotism Ironic Parents Miscellaneous Birthday AITA Food Intimacy Sex Virginity Love Mental health OCD Cute Cleaning Housework Creepy Argument Kids

The Top

Today, my dad texted me saying he had "big news." I immediately called, thrilled, because I assumed he meant that he finally found a job and that our money troubles were over. The "big news" was him being excited at seeing an actor from one TV show he likes in another TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 2 838

Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 171

The Top

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 983

You deserved it 2 392

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 983

You deserved it 4 438

Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 908

You deserved it 704

Today, I tried explaining to my mom how liking her own posts on Facebook wasn't very cool. I later logged in to see she'd added all my friends and posted naked baby pictures of me, captioning them, "Now I don't have to like my own posts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 540

You deserved it 13 746

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 066

You deserved it 2 299

Today, I asked my manager if wearing makeup was a requirement for the job. She told me, "Not if you're naturally pretty... So for you, yes". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 145

You deserved it 3 521