Intimacy, Sex and Wanker: Stiff - FML

Stiff

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 218

You deserved it 466

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Same thing different taste

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Spicy

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 422

You deserved it 9 773

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 173

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 412

You deserved it 4 846

By Urgghh - 16/05/2013 21:36 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 522

You deserved it 6 429

Intruder alert!

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, a bee stung me on the vulva. Definitely not the kind of prick I was expecting to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 162

You've got a friend

By no one - 21/05/2011 09:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 622

You deserved it 11 399

By kaylajere - 26/05/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 166

You deserved it 36 787

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 29/07/2016 20:33

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 888

You deserved it 1 685

By julian1 - 19/08/2015 11:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 058

You deserved it 10 552

The price of sin

By Anonymous - 30/05/2016 16:35 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 795

You deserved it 3 859

Next

Top comments

Adam Michael Valenzuela 7

Thursday 20 August 2020 20:48

That mosquito gave you more action than a human woman ever would.

Jonkbaby 22

Friday 21 August 2020 13:46

That..........sucks

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 20 August 2020 6:19

You should take photos to show the ladies you meet online. They like them.

Adam Michael Valenzuela 7

Thursday 20 August 2020 20:48

That mosquito gave you more action than a human woman ever would.

Jonkbaby 22

Friday 21 August 2020 13:46

That..........sucks

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 23 August 2020 21:43

That is not how you're supposed to get a ********.

Keywords

Relatable Health Public freakouts Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Kids Miscellaneous AITA Mother in law Love Relationship advice Social Media Art Work Students Birds Sleep Animals Noise Mental health Contraception

The Top

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 10 103

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 135

Today, my supposed "best friend" started going out with the girl I'd just split up with, immediately after she said she wanted to see other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 90

Today, I had my first accident in 5 years of driving. I clipped a Ford Fiesta, mirror to mirror. His mirror is totally destroyed. Mine is fine. I was so stressed afterwards that I reversed straight into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 777

You deserved it 8 819

Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 449

You deserved it 3 812

Today, I washed my clothes in the shared laundry room. All my clothes came out smelling like smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 130

Today, I was having a chat with a fellow veteran I bumped into at a car show. He ended the conversation by turning to my dad and saying, "you're lucky to catch a young honey like this." Then went on to ask if we'd tried anal yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 238

You deserved it 453