Health, Poopoo peepee, Awkward and Mother in law: Poop

Poop

By Roma - 16/06/2017 14:00 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 389

You deserved it 543

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Same thing different taste

I've known for ages

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 7 178

Sitcom vibes

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 19:31 - France - Paris

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 396

You deserved it 48 834

Not now!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 76

Never going to live this down

By Anonymous - 01/09/2023 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I went up to take a shower. I typically go to the bathroom first, I take a mega dump, then flush the toilet. Not only wouldn't the toilet flush but I found out my parents only keep one plunger on hand. It was in the downstairs bathroom. My dad came upstairs and plunged the toilet while I stood there naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 249

Terms of service

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 629

You deserved it 1 688

Dump the dump

By lily anne - 30/01/2022 02:00

Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 117

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 20:00 - United States - Elverson

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 286

Anaconda

By lizbeth - 23/05/2021 04:01

Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 207

Open door policy

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 23:01

Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 75

Cranberry juice might help

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 16:00

Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 115

Tripartita 44

Friday 16 June 2017 20:34

She knew why you needed it. It's not like that conversation was going to go, "Why do you need the plunger?" "Oh, I'm making a cake."

samwilliams800 28

Friday 16 June 2017 20:06

That explains why she's full of shit.

Comments

samwilliams800 28

Friday 16 June 2017 20:06

That explains why she's full of shit.

Glowworm56 26

Friday 16 June 2017 20:28

Too bad the plunger can't take care of the shit coming from your mother-in-law.

Tripartita 44

Friday 16 June 2017 20:34

She knew why you needed it. It's not like that conversation was going to go, "Why do you need the plunger?" "Oh, I'm making a cake."

species4872 19

Friday 16 June 2017 20:43

She wants you to make jellybeans like a rabbit.

bigtwobah 6

Friday 16 June 2017 21:14

Obviously, the poop/flush/poop/flush suggestion is silly. However, if someone repeatedly wanted to borrow a plunger from me, I would probably also get snarky. Buy your own plunger.

PhoenixChick 26

Saturday 17 June 2017 0:48

Do you normally keep your own plunger at every one of your friend and family's houses? Does everyone else do that too? Are they all labeled and lined up in a row for when their owner comes to visit?

bigtwobah 6

Saturday 17 June 2017 3:38

If I was in someone else's house I would say 'can i use' not 'can i borrow'

RichardPencil 30

Friday 16 June 2017 22:25

That's some shitty advice...literally!

cacheson 41

Friday 16 June 2017 23:09

I think she needs a new toilet. Hers obviously can't handle large loads like the younger generation....

tonyfan00 38

Saturday 17 June 2017 0:44

She doesn't give a shit, but you do give a shit...so is shit hitting the fan, or do you have to give two ***** to compensate for her lack of ********?