Intimacy: Ouch

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 644

You deserved it 29 341

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

Spit or Swallow?

By buymeflavoredlube - 05/06/2018 05:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 735

You deserved it 967

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 769

You deserved it 4 763

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 582

You deserved it 5 698

Prince Charming

By muskogee - 20/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 333

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 658

You deserved it 12 195

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 027

You deserved it 9 703

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 289

You deserved it 2 748

By thisblows - 16/03/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 816

You deserved it 8 736

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 412

You deserved it 170

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 011

You deserved it 18 779

justlikeme79 9

Thursday 15 December 2011 8:56

Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.

ThatLooksSticky 16

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:31

Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.

Comments

Armyboy124 0

Friday 16 December 2011 2:21

Ball park or Oscar Mayer?

erikath0mas998 4

Friday 16 December 2011 5:35

Lol

MikeMikeTheAzn 3

Friday 16 December 2011 5:37

that sucks... no pun intended, or was it?

pcarr15 3

Friday 16 December 2011 6:19

hahahahaha laughed for like 15 minutes

jmassing1 7

Wednesday 21 December 2011 17:54

I laughed for like 20 when I saw your picture

G0v3nat0r 7

Friday 16 December 2011 7:25

I was gonna thumb up 25's comment but I think I'll keep it at 69 votes...

G0v3nat0r 7

Friday 16 December 2011 7:46

This seems more like an FML for the guy OP was sucking

Hunterx700 17

Friday 16 December 2011 8:14

more like biting :P

snowdrifter 0

Friday 16 December 2011 8:01

Isn't it?

blinkingstarlet 15

Friday 16 December 2011 8:01

Wow. I'm a lesbian and I know not to bite it. Fail, Lorena... Fail.

CommonSenseKarma 17

Friday 16 December 2011 8:23

Hehe nipples

NAAMxLOOS 11

Friday 16 December 2011 8:39

YDI for chomping on it like it's a hotdog.

Keywords

Public freakouts Education Parents Mother in law Love Argument AITA Miscellaneous Fear Insects Skincare Health Cats Jealousy Work Gross Coworkers Drugs Animals Dogs Fire Awkward Scams Transportation Cars Money Bikes Scary Neighbours Intimacy

The Top

Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 220

Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 213

The Top

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 517

You deserved it 10 860

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 308

You deserved it 7 431

Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 717

You deserved it 48 246

Today, I finally realized that my bipolar depression gets worse in hot weather. I live in Hawaii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 179

Today, my elderly coworker was telling me about a long-lost friend, so I helped her use the Internet to look the friend up. We found her. Specifically, her obituary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 291

You deserved it 1 027

Today, I learned that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend for 2 months. This is the same person who, 2 months ago, wanted to break our friendship off because he thought we "got too close" and felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend by spending too much time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 068

You deserved it 249