Sex and Intimacy: Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great...

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 285

You deserved it 2 746

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Same thing different taste

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 736

You deserved it 4 429

Oh yeah?

By alexis89 - 26/05/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 444

You deserved it 20 175

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 4 299

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 946

You deserved it 12 716

Sexy catboys rule my life

By verno02 - 10/08/2010 23:58 - Canada

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 105

You deserved it 8 799

Narcissism

By during - 19/05/2010 12:12 - United States

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 426

You deserved it 7 324

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 049

You deserved it 1 142

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 14:19 - Australia

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 298

You deserved it 21 484

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 440

You deserved it 11 495

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 4 676

andits 21

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:24

Once he finished you should've said "I give this establishment two maybe three stars" lol

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:24

Believe me, based on what I've read on this app, people have said much worse.

Comments

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:24

Believe me, based on what I've read on this app, people have said much worse.

why57why 21

Tuesday 19 January 2016 21:06

Such things as "prepare your buns the meat is ready"

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Wednesday 20 January 2016 2:24

I was actually thinking of this one where somebody said that her boyfriend, who was obsessed with Breaking Bad, said "I am the one who cocks".

BamaBorn 10

Thursday 28 January 2016 4:54

"I'm going to dick you down good."

andits 21

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:24

Once he finished you should've said "I give this establishment two maybe three stars" lol

DarkIncarnate 6

Sunday 13 November 2016 22:44

Greatest comeback I have ever heard hands down.

FSGInsainity 15

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:25

Is he calling himself a wimp?

bittersymphony 17

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:25

Did you compare his dick to a disappointing hotdog you ate at a family party after?

SecundusSecunda 27

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:56

"What a disappointing hotdog, and no ketchup, too!? Shameful display."

SnowxSakura 17

Tuesday 19 January 2016 22:50

I hope she relished the chance to ketchup with her family.

VonBlitzkrieg 27

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:27

Have you tried telling him you don't like that? He's just going to keep doing stuff like that.

momo3p 22

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:29

Ech

Tarlachia 33

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:30

The way he says it, it sounds like he's the one with the pussy... O_o

dannnngthatsux 19

Tuesday 19 January 2016 21:48

Um, at that moment...

Nomaddict 14

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:33

honestly poetic.

oobergoober89 16

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:34

I guarantee thats not what the pussy ordered at all

Goblin182 26

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:34

How did you not laugh?

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The Top

Today, it's my birthday, and I had one to many and my best friend and my boyfriend had to take me home. We went back to my apartment and all squeezed together in my bed. During the night I got sick and spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. Later I found out that they'd fucked in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 366

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 906

You deserved it 74 254

The Top

Today, waiting in the deli line at the store, a woman stood directly next to me. I panicked and tried to move back to get a 6-foot distance, but in my panic I didn’t realize there was a stand behind me. I almost fell over, so I gasped super loud. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 739

Today, I found out that my 9 year-old cousin logged into my main chess account and lost 1700 points on purpose down from 2300. Which took 8 years of grinding and several national championships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 178

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 566

You deserved it 6 227

Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 058

You deserved it 41 982

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 160

You deserved it 6 195

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't take drugs from strangers. I'm 35 and he's 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 133

Same thing different taste

Repetition

Oh yeah?

Sexy catboys rule my life

Narcissism

So sensual...

Excuuuuuuse me?

Kinky

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