Intimacy, Kids, Sex and Frustration: O'Reilly - FML

O'Reilly

By still can’t get any - 04/04/2022 06:00

Spicy

Today, I’m convinced my son has some sort of radar. Literally every time my partner and I try to have sex, he wakes up and interrupts us. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but the fact that it’s happened at 12am, 12pm, 6am and 3pm tells me otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 223

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

Frustrated

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, I realised it’s been too long since my partner and I have had sex. How do I know? This is the third night in a row he’s humped me in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 1 030

No sex for you

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 206

Not now

By nexus - 25/09/2021 09:59 - Papua New Guinea

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 563

By Anonymous - 16/01/2015 18:51 - Norway - Bergen

Today, like every day, I woke up at 3 in the morning because my roommate needs "a three hour warning" before his real alarm goes off. His alarm is a constant beeping noise which he always ignores for a good 10 minutes before finally getting up and turning it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 386

You deserved it 3 063

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Spicy

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 040

You deserved it 16 158

My ears! My ears!

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 05:15

Spicy

Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 242

By atleasthelistened - 09/03/2016 08:04 - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered my boyfriend listens way better in his sleep than he does when he's awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 537

You deserved it 2 447

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I woke my boyfriend up at 7 a.m. to have sex. I thought the sex was great, but later he kept complaining, "I can't believe you woke me up so early." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 764

By kfoehslfns - 01/08/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 423

You deserved it 12 737

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Homebush

Spicy

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 1 788

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 4 April 2022 6:14

I'm guessing your partner has a hidden panic button that they press to wake up the baby whenever sex seems imminent.

Amandapetrova 13

Monday 4 April 2022 10:45

😅😅Send him to granny.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 4 April 2022 6:14

I'm guessing your partner has a hidden panic button that they press to wake up the baby whenever sex seems imminent.

Amandapetrova 13

Monday 4 April 2022 10:45

😅😅Send him to granny.

cariboucontainer 22

Monday 4 April 2022 11:59

He doesn't want any siblings haha

Studious_Gluteus 18

Monday 4 April 2022 19:44

Y'all need better insulation in your walls.

Hangryko 29

Sunday 5 February 2023 12:53

So invest in a lock for your bedroom door.

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The Top

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 940

You deserved it 46 020

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 007

You deserved it 21 832

The Top

Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 236

Today, during our date, I burst into tears like a nutjob because out of the 10 or so guys I’ve gone out with since I turned 17, literally none of them have been as nice to me as this one has. I got so emotional, we had to leave because of everyone staring at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 264

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 391

You deserved it 8 249

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 683

You deserved it 3 478

Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 138

You deserved it 1 068

Today, while planning for our trip next spring, my friend told me that she's decided that her mom is coming with us. It’s non-negotiable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 168