Intimacy, Health, Sex and Awkward: Lightning Bolt - FML

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Shingle Springs

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 131

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By EMT_Koulianos - 25/05/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 121

You deserved it 4 089

By inpain - 17/03/2016 04:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 888

You deserved it 2 402

By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 20:54 - Czech Republic - Ceska

Spicy

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 553

You deserved it 31 799

New sensation

By Anon Y. Mous - 02/10/2015 04:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned what being stabbed in the leg by an ex feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 851

You deserved it 2 404

Hit the gym

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 03:17 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 530

You deserved it 3 249

By FAIL - 08/09/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 821

You deserved it 7 611

Tachycardia

By Anonymous - 05/08/2023 04:00

Today, after a three day hospitalization, four weeks of a new heart med, no alcohol and no caffeine, my heart rhythm was finally back on track. That is until some a-hole teens decided that banging loudly on my door and running away was hilarious. Oh well, back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 83

By PoopTart - 29/04/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 171

You deserved it 14 807

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 915

You deserved it 4 586

By filipinoclari808 - 16/04/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 789

You deserved it 81 425

Next

Top comments

Chazzster 28

Monday 18 October 2021 20:20

But you are still alive!

RichardPencil 30

Monday 18 October 2021 22:57

Don't worry, the ladies love guys who can come up with good metaphors...or you.

Comments

Chazzster 28

Monday 18 October 2021 20:20

But you are still alive!

RichardPencil 30

Monday 18 October 2021 22:57

Don't worry, the ladies love guys who can come up with good metaphors...or you.

Keywords

Video games Annoying Gamers Abuse Birthday Relatable Social Media Money Scams Parents School Kids Education Health Public freakouts Grieving Mental health Music Geek Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Bikes Cops Transportation Fight Family Customers Work Gross

The Top

Today, our company got hacked. Our secretary fell for someone badly impersonating the head of customer service and sent them a full list of employee information from one of our new clients. The boss wants to blame us in IT for not training her on how to avoid this. He fell for a phishing attack last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 76

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 849

You deserved it 7 890

The Top

Today, my sister and I got stuck in an airport elevator. We were separated from our friends, missed our flight and had to walk two hours to find our gate. On the bright side, we ended up having a pleasant talk with an Air Marshal on why we were "stalking people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 497

You deserved it 2 876

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 926

You deserved it 3 638

Today, I realized that due to my obsession with House MD, I seem to have subconsciously developed a limp in my right leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 326

You deserved it 29 938

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 117

You deserved it 44 782

Today, I went to check why my eyelash lady never replied to my message from two days ago, asking about an appointment, only to see that I apparently accidentally sent her 15 picture messages of nudes I took for my fiancé. No wonder she didn’t reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 1 468

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 506